Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Little things make me happy


First day back at work after three nice, long, days off. Christmas, and my husband's birthday,....and it was quiet, and uneventful. Went to my sister-in-law's for dinner for my husband's b-day, and then we went and saw "True Grit" with Jeff Bridges, and I absolutely loved it. Loved it, and J.Bridges is SO GOOD-LOOKIN'. What a hottie. LOVED the movie tho. Two weekends from now my husband found on TV the first 'True Grit' with John Wayne, and he swears it's better than this one. We'll see. (I'll get back to you on that.) SO~nothing else really to brag about. January 21st will be our 18 year anniversary. Whoo-hoo. I can't wait til I say 50 years! That'll be awesome. Like I always say, there is no divorce in my vocabulary, that's why I took so long to do it. I was 41 by the time we were finally married,...we were together 14 years before that, so,....yes, I take it very seriously, and it's forever to me. AND we like AND love each other,...most importantly. I mean we argue and have our moments like everyone else, but we have fun together, and we really enjoy being together hanging-out. It's cool. And I love that we have so much history together. Anyways~so now I have to work the next 8 days straight. 8 days. Ick. I hate life just thinking about it. Why? Why? Why? I hate work. I'm not sure if I'd ever like it no matter what I was doing,-I think. Maybe animals, something to do with animals or kittehs. I dunno'. Well - I guess I'm going to go get ready for bed. Munky is in there laying down already,.....I think I tuckered her out when I got home from work, playing with her,...she just went in there and laid on her little heating pad, and went to sleep. I can't resist anytime she's in there,....I gotta go in and lay and cuddle with her. My favorite thing to do. Get her to purr,...or as my husband says, 'get her little motor running'. So cute,....little things make me happy.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas past

It's Christmas morning,(well our morning,) and I'm such a horrible wife. I didn't prepare anything for my husband, not even a card. Work the last few days has made me insane, and I just couldn't collect my thoughts enough to plan anything. I feel so overwhelmed now. I guess it's another side effect of our wonderful "legal situation" we've been living. I can't seem to concentrate on anything, or get myself together,...ever. That scares me. Will I forever be this way now? I can't seem to clean, or organize, or anything. I hear myself saying this, and I know these are all signs of depression. I'm a functional depressed person. Somewhat functional. I'm a horrible, horrible wife right now tho. I am. I can't seem to get myself together tho, it's been 4 years now I think. I just can't go back to how I was before. I can't get myself to the gym, I can't seem to not be tired all the time, and I can't stop myself from not caring about anything enough to do something about it. Why is that? I'm horrible, horrible, horrible. I feel like I'm talking about another person. Where do I start, and this overpowering feeling of helplessness end? When does it end? I keep thinking I'm going to snap out of it. Well,-SNAP already. I wanna go back, I wanna go back. THATS what I want for X-mas,--- to be my old self again.

I don't want to wear a Santa ANYTHING


I'm so over it. I am off for the next three,...count them!,....THREE days. OMG,...I just can't wait to do absolutely nothing but worry about when to walk Munky, and my husband's b-day. That's it. I am so tired I can't see straight. I was at work at a 11:45am, and got home at 11:45pm. What a freakin' day it was. I will never understand how people wait til the last minute to get things. Do you know how many people said, 'wow,-why are you guys so busy?' Are you kidding me? Really?! What a bunch of freakin' morons. I couldn't believe my ears. I wanted to throw cellphones at people, put them where the sun don't shine, and just rip them outta people's hands and ask if they are really that important? Are they lacking in some way that they need everyone to hear their conversation to make them feel important? Really? It's like the people who drive Corvettes, or Porsches, both of which you couldn't PAY me enough money to drive one of those. Tacky, tacky, tacky cars. And you could throw Hummers in there too! Wouldn't catch me dead in one. NEVER. HATE 'EM. I even had a chance when I was 21 to own one,(a Corvette,) and I absolutely said NO. (My boyfriend at the time collected cars, and he had 4 Corvettes, 2 Mercedes, a Bronco, and all the mechanics you could hope for.) No thanks still. Ick,- I couldn't stomach it even then. Just couldn't do it. Too tacky. It screams 'look at me, I'm trying way too hard because I'm lacking in some other area, and need this car to make me feel superior'. Yes, that's what it says. So,.....moving right along,.......with all the time I spend with Munky, you'd think she would be the cute, cuddly, kitty to me, but all in all she has slept ON me once when I slept out on the couch, and it was cold out. The last week it's been very cold for South Florida, and she's been making the move to jump up in the chair I sit in and cuddle up next to me. She's done it three times, and it brings tears of joy to me. I love how she shows that she trusts me. Don't forget now that she was a totally feral kitten when I caught her. She's still very skiddish, and she's scared of anyone new. Does NOT trust people at all. Scared of loud noises, and will hide whenever someone knocks or comes to the front door. I feel so protective of her when she curls up half on me in the chair,...the first time last week I actually cried it made me so happy. I called for my husband to come see, and even he was shocked. She loves to lie in the chair next to my husband, and she puts her little head under his hand and purrs away. She flirts with him endlessly, and it's the sweetest thing to see,-this big, burly,tatooed muscleman with this little kitteh being all cute with him. She's at the point where my husband walks into the room and she starts to purr. With me I have to work at it with her. Funny how that works out. I don't care tho, as long as she's a happy kitteh, I'm a happy mommy for her. I try anything and everything to make her happy. I do. So,...now let me go, I have to get ready for bed. It's really just another night to me,...forget all the X-mas crap,....I don't want presents or anything,....just a good night's sleep. 'Night.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Thankful for being thankful


The moral of Christmas now-a-days is beyond everyone. I mean,....it's like who can spend the most money for one moment, of one day, THE MOST. I really dislike it to no end. I refuse to celebrate it this year. I can do that because I have no kids, so it's very easy for me to just say, 'ya know what? I don't want gifts, and I won't buy any gifts, so don't expect any period.' I have to say, work has been work, and this is the busiest time of year for any liquor company, with parties, family, and friends all over,....so it goes without saying that work is EXTREMELY busy for me right now. Tomorrow I'll be working from 12 noon till probably almost 11 or 12 midnite! THAT'S how busy we are. So,-needless to say, with no X-mas tree up, and no decorations, I'm officially BAH-HUMBUGGING it the next two days. My husband might be a little disappointed, but his b-day is a few days after X-mas and I always make it a point to celebrate that with gifts, and cake and whatnot. His b-day to me is bigger than X-mas! Anyhow~we will be going to see True Grit this weekend,...and I absolutely LUV Jeff Bridges. Throw him together with Sam Elliot, Kris Kristofferson,Tom Selleck,(now-NOT Magnum PI days,) and Russell Crowe and you got one big HOT-MAN-FEST in my eyes. Jeez,...that's some gorgeous men there to me. Since I was a child I've always been drawn to silver gray hair and blue eyes, and GOD BLESS IT, that is one fine mixture. (Weird, - I know.) SO~just took Munky for a walk and I actually heard an accident happen. It had to be a ways away, but I heard it, and it made me really think about how lucky I really am. I mean, someone's life could've changed in an instant. Think about it. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand-up. What an ugly sound, and an awful feeling,...I knew I was right when within a few minutes I heard sirens from every which way going full blast. How horrible. I can't get it outta my head. Even little Munky was uneasy,...and wanted to go in right after that. Poor little thing,...she's such a good little kitteh,...how I love her, and how she always makes everything right with me in my little world. I can have the worst day, or a fight with my husband, or just be depressed and I spend any kinda time with her, and I'm laughing and smiling within seconds. She's the child I never had. (At least that's what my husband says.) She makes me the happiest (and luckiest) I've felt in a very long time. My husband and I have a little more time left til we can move away from here. I've had some horrible times with being on probation. I never even knew about stuff I know about now. I never even thought about being in jail, or all the ugly things I know about now since our little horror story of a life has happened here. Our entire life has changed, I have changed, and I'll never, ever be the same again. Never will I trust anyone, especially the police, or anyone in that area. Never. I'm jaded now forever, and I'm not very nice about it either. I won't go off on a tangent tho,....I want to be thankfull for all that I have, all that I'm able to do, my family, my wonderful husband, and my kittehs. I'm lucky.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

So much for relaxing

This time of year, it's a love/hate kinda thing. Right this minute I'm not too anxious about it, but I'm getting ready to go out shopping,so I'll see how I feel when I get back. X-mas time is the hardest,....I miss my father, I miss my in-laws, (they were just like my second parents,) and it hurts every year that goes by,....I crave family get-togethers, I crave the fun, loud, chaotic times that it all brings,....now, everyone in my family kinda does their own things with their own families, and that SUCKS. I miss them all. It's usually my husband, my sister-in-law, and I spending most holidays together. I'm not complaining, but I miss all the rest of it, I miss my family, laughing, talking, and just being together. Anyways,-tried to go out last night and see the moon solstice thing, and we went out about a quarter to 2(am) and got Munky on her leash, and soon as we got out there, she rolled in the dirt, and immediately looked around and went in the bushes and just sat there,-(I shoulda known.) A minute later Stripe came thru the fence, and we started petting him and he was being all lovable and cute, and not a minute later, I looked up at my husband, and he was nodding his head and grinning, and I looked behind me and Sugar was sitting there staring at us. Too funny to everyone but him. Poor little guy, he just can't stand the thought of any other kittehs getting any kinda attention. He hissed, and growled, and we just sat there trying to figure out what to do with all three of them there together. So after a little scuffle that Sugar initiated, I went in and brought out food for the two of them,....and that kinda diffused things, at least temporarily,.....sat out there while they ate,( and my husband and Munky went in happily,)........then they finally just disappeared going thru the kitty-hole in our fence, and that was the end of our night trying to be all calm and looking out at the moon. Yep. Not calm. Not relaxing. Not fun. So much for trying to relax. I'll write more when I get back from shopping and let ya know how I feel then!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Wake me up when it's over

I had such high hopes for this day off and the entire day totally sucked. If it coulda went wrong, it did. I just have to vent. Had to report to my probation officer today,(what a joke,) and she wanted to drug test me. I couldn't pee. I sat there for five goddamn hours, and finally went. I was steaming. Just the way I wanted to spend my day,....got NOTHING ELSE DONE. Nothing. I'm honest-to-god-hating-life right now. To top it off, I went to the grocery store on my way home and went shopping and my husband had to make a stupid comment that totally set me off. I just ended up taking Munky for a walk, and even she got all cranky on me. Came in and just cried my eyes out, outta pure frustration, and aggravation. I hate everything and everyone right now. I have no patience, nor do I care right now about anything at all. I swear to you, my life totally sucks, and nothing but nothing makes me happy. When my husband AND Munky piss me off on top of the day I already had, I just can't take it, and want to just totally shut down. Totally. I want to just go to sleep, but my husband's sister is coming over, and I'm not happy 'bout it. So I can't just go in and go to sleep. Yup,.....my life sucks right now. Totally,...and nothing is helping. Actually sleep will,-just sleep.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Some days I feel full of energy and some days I feel like I want to hide from the world. What's up with that? When the weather gets cool like this, it makes me want to go outside, be outside and just enjoy it all. I feel like I'm missing something when it's cool like this and I don't go outside. The only thing I have to do is go to the eye doctor today at 3 o'clock, and maybe do some laundry. The daily lives of people, right? Boring. I'm still dealing with my mean ole' self, and trying everyday to be a better person. I mean, I'm the polite-est, most aware, person you'll ever see in public. My guard never goes down, but I will pick up dropped keys, help someone with packages, hold the door open, etc., but don't come up to me and ask the time, or borrow my cell, or whatever it might be,- I will tell you to get the hell away from me, and quick. Trust me. I have been mugged before by someone asking for a light (for a cigarette.) So don't come near me, I'll just tell you to get the hell away, and throw a punch if I have to. I won't be a victim to that again. I won't. I despise weakness, I do, especially in men,....I don't like it. Be.A.Man. My husband is the perfect man to me, and I don't just mean physically,...he is very old-fashioned; he never cuss' in front of a female, and more importantly in front of kids, he doesn't like loud, attention getting people,...he is very protective, and I feel like he is my big bear.(That's one of the reasons I nicknamed him Bear.)He can and will harm someone that tries anything, believe me. I've seen it firsthand. I've seen him difuse situations, calm someone down, take charge of an emergency, and be totally coherent. Me? I'm so scatterbrained, and panicky, I don't know what to do first. He's my ying to my yang.(Did I even say that right?) SO ~ the only thing we don't see eye to eye on is how I clean the house. I never do enough according to him. Oh well, there always has to be something I guess. Anyhow - off to the eye doctor,...

Maybe, - maybe not

Worked ALL DAY today, and hated life. Came home and happily took Munky for a walk. The weather is gorgeous out, (in the 50's and breezy.) At one point when we were just relaxing in the grass together Sugar snuck up on us and sat on his perch of roof tile. Then a few minutes later Stripe joined us, and all hell broke loose. Not fun at that point. Stripe likes Munky, and Munky likes Sugar, and Sugar likes NO ONE. (Altho I do think he's a little sweet on Munky but just won't give in.)When we leave them in the house alone, we come home and they are always asleep in our bed,...not cuddled up together, but there. So I know they don't dislike each other.(Believe me,-with cats, if they don't like each other, they would never even stay in the same room together,-TRUST ME on that.)SO~my computer still sucks pretty much,...tomorrow I'm going to try to have someone look at it, and hopefully get something done. I'd like to be able to download (upload?) pictures again,....sell stuff on eBay again, etc. I can't even get on my email right now. My computer just keeps working and working and absolutely NOTHING happens. Nothing. So my husband came home from the casino and won $600!!! Nice. Very nice. So we went and ate at Dennys,....couldn't find anything else open at this time of night, and didn't want to go to a bar, so that was fine. (I could eat breakfast anytime, all the time.) Yumm. I have the next two days off, and I have a big, ole' smile on my face, and will be doing a happy dance in my head when I lay down to go to sleep tonight. Yay me. Other than that,...I'll get back to you. Munky and I will be napping nicely,...thanks,.....'night.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

I'M OLD NOW

Well,....my computer is barely working. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Get it fixed, get a new one,....ask Santa for one?!!! I can't live without a computer or my magazines that I read endlessly everyday and night;InStyle,Allure,Lucky,and People StyleWatch. I guess I'm weird,(at least my husband thinks so.) We get into it when I save so many magazines that they hit the ceiling practically and then I go thru them, rip pages out of stuff I like/want/covet and then he finally can throw them out. He found this out one time when he threw some of my mags out without me going thru them (and saying goodbye and ripping out my pages first,) and I about went into convulsions. Never again did he try doing that,-TRUST ME. Anyways,~ I went shopping before work yesterday, and this is how I KNOW I'm getting old; I found some shoes that I fell in love with and had to have and they are by,-get ready for this,-Easy Spirit!!! My first Easy Spirit shoes. OMG. I'm old now. BUT they are so cute, I HAD to have them. (Especiallly when I passed up some Jeffrey Campbell platform clogs on sale to get the Easy Spirits. Yep,-I'M OLD.)I think I actually scared myself yesterday with this shoe stuff. So~ getting ready to do some cardio,...and then off to work. Yick. Why can't we all just not have to work? Just be able to spend endless time with family and friends, and KITTEHS?

Monday, November 29, 2010

All by lonesome

Well,-I don't sit well when I feel like I waste my days off. I somehow had Sunday and Monday off from work, and all I got done was getting an eye exam. Yes,-it was on 'my list' of things to do, but I really thought I would get alot more done. I took Munky out for a walk, but she really wasn't interested in being outside. (Besides, our obnoxious neighbor was slamming things around in their backyard, and it scared her. Idiots.) SO! Came home after my eye exam because my eyes were dialated so much I couldn't go anywhere due to not seeing. (You know it's bad when I won't try shopping!) Just came home and sat like a lump in front of the TV, computer, and vegetated. Played with Munky, and even she got too tired. So here I am,...still in front of the computer, with my husband watching Monday Night Football. (I could do without any TV on at all, but he likes it.) I really prefer quiet. I like to just relax in the quiet. I NEVER have the sound on on my computer even. NEVER. #1-it scares the kittehs, #2-it annoys the crap outta me with all the weird little noises,...shall I go on? And NOW,...my computer is not working altogether great,...my internet security expired and I need help on downloading (or is it uploading?) the right thing and all,....I'm so computer-illiterate. I'm lucky I'm on here writing. Anything I do know how to do was all done by trial and error by me learning all by my lonesome. Yep. Lil ole' me. And on that note, I'm on my way to doing some shopping on the internet in my jammies. I'll be back soon.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Last Saturday night we saw Jamey Johnson in concert, and I swear that man changed my life. His live performances are so unbelievable. He is so charismatic, and deep, and just,....WOW. (not to mention he's really HOT!) God is he ever. Didn't get to take any pictures, or get any autographs, but Lord have mercy, he put on one fine show. I've been listening to his new CD every waking minute I can. It's pure heaven to me. HE'S pure heaven to me. SO~Next weekend is our family reunion, and I can't wait to see my family; my brothers and sisters,...cousins, aunts, uncles,....MY MOM,-it's so much fun, and most importantly, it's away from here. It will be the happiest day of my life when we move from here,....I will be so damn relieved, and feel totally free. I feel like a caged animal now, and for eight more months still. SUCKS. Anyways, I'm still alive and kicking. Our outcome for the FL. governor was a huge disappointment to me. I'm still licking my wounds and trying to get over it. I will never understand how people can vote for someone who robbed people blind, and then act like they did nothing wrong. And FL. votes him in for governor. Stupid stupid people. Never cease to amaze me. Plain dumb asses, that's all I gotta say. Just plain ignorant people.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Thank god for Jamey Johnson and kittehs.

Well,......tomorrow night my husband and I and my SIL are going to see my FAVORITE country singer in concert. Jamey Johnson. I adore this man. His music is so old-school country. So different than anything that's out now or even played on any country radio station. Let me tell you,...I saw this guy right after he won his CMA award for Song of the Year, and he was the most gracious man, I was shocked beyond belief. He actually stayed more than a couple hours after the concert to meet fans, take pictures, sign autographs, etc. Nice, nice man. (Not to mention he's HOT. :) Anyhow~ tomorrow he'll be playing at a local club, and I am so excited I'm like a kid on Christmas. Sunday I will be volunteering for the no-kill cat shelter that I always help out with. They are having a big cat show, and adoptions. They will even have big cats, as in FL. panthers, and cougars. THAT is exciting to me. That makes me totally happy. That's a good time to me. Doesn't take much. I'll clean cat cages, or groom kittehs, or anything else they need me to do, to be around any of them for any length of time, believe me. Better than being around people thats for sure. That's the truth. Oh yeah, Happy Halloween.~ (What I like to call another so-called 'holiday' that is what I call 'amateur night'.)People suck.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Mucking thru it

Here I am again,...back at it. I feel like this is my computer diary. Life has not been the greatest, but I'm mucking thru it all. Counting down the days til our life will go back to normal. Normal,...I can't even remember what that was. Seems like I've always been striving for something ahead. Always,...I remember when I bartended, and we bought the gym,....working two jobs back-to-back like that for five years straight was just annihilating. Couldn't wait to sell that business. Then we moved to the beach condo,...life was great again,...and then even that wained. Eventually our life was turned over again when one of our close friends killed himself, and my husband and I split up for two years, I moved out and bought a condo literally one block away, (you could even see my front door from the balcony!) Very weird time in our lives. My husband moved too from the condo and bought a house out west in a very nice neighborhood. We got back together two years later and moved into the house out west, and we rented out my condo across the street from the beach. (That beautiful penthouse sat empty for at least the next five years.)We couldn't wait to sell my condo and FINALLY this past year after owning that condo I bought when we briefly split, I FINALLY sold it, and NOT for a profit of any kind. Very sad. It was a beautiful place. I do miss it. This house was great until our big fiasco happened,....so now we are just getting thru it. Mucking thru our life day after day just waiting,.....

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Over and over again

I have not been on here in soooo long. Been very depressed. Went to my final court date and somehow someway I got 14 months probation and I have no idea for what. It is just aggravating all over again, being accused of what they think when it's not true. Very very frustrating, but I have to remember that it's on the way to being over. Still working, and sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me somewhat normal,...and my husband and kittehs. Speaking of kittehs,....Sugar came home with a big kitteh shiner yesterday. I broke into tears,....and he was in a very bad mood. He wouldn't even let me touch him,-my poor little baby. He went into bed and proceeded to take a two hour nap which I was thankful for, and then came out with his very large cranky-pants on, and ate some food, and proceeded to hiss and growl his way out the door. Wow. My poor little man,...I'm so worried about him. Munky is doing great, being as cute and lovable and just plain adorable little thing that she is. I love her so much. Our family reunion is getting closer and closer, and I can't say how everyone in my family needs it so much. More and more as everyday goes by. After my niece's husband was killed in the line of duty a few months ago,then my brother-in-law had a stroke, then my cousin became paralyzed by a lingering back problem and is in a wheelchair, and now my sister-in-law's sister passed away unexpectedly two days ago. It has not been a good year for my family. This will be a MUCH NEEDED family reunion to say the least. I am counting down the days and minutes and seconds! I will relish every moment with everyone,.....EVERY single person. Not even shopping on eBay since all that stuff going on,....doesn't even seem interesting to me anymore. Now I know I'm really depressed. Well, I know I sound like a broken record, but that's really all that's going on in my life. There is light at the end of the tunnel tho. Soon, we will be free to do whatever, wherever, whenever. Soon.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Make it all go away

I've been back to work for a week now, and I just can't deal with any amount of time I have to spend there. I feel like I'm wasting away. I don't know how people deal with it when they have two or even three jobs now-a-days. I just can't get back into the swing of things. I can't. I hate the whole thing. I hate getting up, (even if it is 1 or 2 in the afternoon!) and I hate the whole scheduling crap. Then you gotta hear it forever if someone doesn't get the schedule they want,....and the customers, the attitudes, the whole damn thing, I just wanna scream. I mean, I know I have an easy job,-trust me. I know. I just sometimes feel like I can't take another second of it,....like I will go crazy or something. One of my co-workers just got a second job,...they have two kids, and have to, to make ends meet. Can you believe it? So yeah. I'm back to hating life, hating my job, hating our little world here. Thank GOODNESS for my kittehs. They really do bring me back to life. They do. The cute little fur faces, the excitable eyes turning dark, running sideways at me playing,...all of it just makes my whole world light up. I so love my little furry kids. I want ten more. I really do. And someone came in today with their doberman pincher,...so perfect, so beautiful,.....she has been thru obedience training so she is really a calm, good girl. She prances next to her owner, and she puts her two front paws up on the desk and just licks my hands slowly. So sweet. Not all excited, not all bark-y, -just very very calm. She is the sweetest dog I have ever seen. It's a testament to the owner, because I always say, (AND IT'S THE TRUTH,) that a dog is only as good as an owner will let them be. So the more the owner spends time with him/her, and trains them, the better mannered and socialized they become, more calm, more confident. Ask any dog trainer, they will tell you. And very obviously, this owner cares enough to put alot of time and effort with this baby,....she loves him,...you can just see it. And I wish I had that,....I want a dog so bad. I would love for Munky and Sugar to have a doggie playmate. I've already seen Sugar with a dog, and he can and will hold his own, and Munky, well she would have to learn, but she would soon learn that they can all get along. She's a very good girl. SO~what else? Nothing new from eBay,....becuz my bank account is STILL screwed up,....thank you BOA, you guys royally suck. And someone I work with had their bank account thru BOA hacked into and they are going thru the exact same thing. Oh the joys of life,....all the stress, all the legalities, all the stupid appts.,.....wish I could blink my eyes and have it all just go away. I want to be back on vacation, without a schedule in sight.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Wit's end

Today was my first day back to work after 10 days off, and god, it was hard to get up. I don't think one day that I had off did I get up before 2pm. (It was wonderful,....oh so wonderful.) Some people may think it's crazy to be like that, but I really love to lay in bed, with the A/C nice and cold, and the kittehs jump in next to me, and I turn the TV on, (and the sound off,) and I can stay like that for the rest of my life and be pretty damn happy. Really. Honest. My husband thinks I'm crazy, but I love our bed, and I can stay in it for the rest of my life. (It is much better when the kittehs jump in too.) So,...at the tail-end of my banking fiasco,...I'm hoping by the end of this week, I will have a bank account, debit/credit card, and money again. And also, FINALLY,.......this past weekend we stayed at my mom's (in Key Largo,) and I FINALLY got our wedding pictures off my mom's computer. I went right to CVS today and got copies put on CDs, and I have them all on a USB flashdrive, and had copies made. I am so relieved now. Not having them made me crazy. Bothered me alot,....even my husband was surprised at all that I did so quickly. (When our legal fiasco happened, my sister-in-law was living at our beach condo,while her place was being remodeled, and when everything happened with us, she packed-up a bunch of stuff to make extra room for all of us to stay there together.) We HAD to, the SWAT team DEMOLISHED the house we lived in at the time,......so we all moved in together temporarily, and that's how we lost our wedding pictures,....(in case you were wondering.) So,....just one of many things that has been bothering me,........but not anymore NOW. Yay me. Just getting this done, has made me feel better, just a little. Any little thing will help me right now. Any little thing. Sometimes I feel like I just don't know what to do anymore. We can't travel, we can't do anything but just sit and wait for this whole damned, stupid-ass, clusterf*%# to end. It's really enough to make someone crazy, and put them at their wits end. Thank goodness I like to be home,...thank goodness, and ALWAYS thank God for my kittehs and husband,cuz they are the only things keeping me sane at this point REALLY. Sorry,-I guess I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Not so vacation-eey

I've had a nice time off from work these last few days. Very nice. It reminds me when I used to not work. I miss that. I've been cooking dinner every night, and it's fun just like it used to be when that was all I really had to do. Had a little mishap tho yesterday. I brought Sugar in the house from the back door, and I guess I didn't shut the door all the way. I was on the computer, (for a good hour,) and realized that I didn't hear them running around the house like I usually do. I went in the other room thinking they were lieing down in there, and walked down the hall and looked where the back door was and it was slightly open!!! I panicked and ran outside, went around the side of the house calling both there names,....went out to the front yard, nothing,.....came back around, and went to the other side of the house and there they were together, lieing in the grass, looking up into the palms, watching lizards. I about screamed with relief,...and poor Munky was so enthralled w/ looking at the lizards, she didn't even look up when I ran over to her and picked her up. I hurriedly put her in the house, and Sugar just sat staring at me like I was some crazy woman!!! ( I was.) The thought of her outside alone with him scared me all to hell. My husband came home right around then, and Sugar and I sat out back, and then he walked off, to go have fun somewhere else because clearly I blew their day grabbing Munky and putting her in. I came in and told my husband what had just happened and ended up breaking down crying by the end of the story. If I would've lost her,....couldn't find her, I would've never forgiven myself. Those few minutes when I didn't know where she was at,....scared me to death,...I felt like I lost my child, and she was outside all alone. (She only goes outside when I'm with her, and she's on a leash and harness.) I swear, all night I was so shaken, and upset. It took alot for my husband to calm me down. I was a wreck. Totally. So I learned a lesson that ended up okay. Boy,- I don't know how people do it when their child disappears. It's the most horrifying feeling I've ever felt. Funny how that brings you back to reality REAL QUICK. Put my little vacay in perspective,-that's for sure. Anyways, ~ going to see my mom on Friday. Looking foward to that. No other plans tho,...I love not do anything,...I must be the laziest person I know. Yup,.......

Friday, August 6, 2010

Now what?

Well, tonight starts my 10 day vacation from work, and let me just say, YEE-HAW!!! Yay baby! (I'm doing a happy dance like Chandler dancing on FRIENDS while my kittehs stare at me like I'm some sorta whacko!) Ten whole fun filled days of cleaning the house, organizing, and playing w/ my babies. (I'm actually looking foward to that last part,-other stuff,-NOT SO MUCH.) Anyways,~and to make things a little complicated,-my bank account is still frozen and I haven't told my husband yet, so therefore, I have absolutely no accessible money. Isn't that just wonderful? Oh yeah, he'll be real happy to hear that. Real happy. I'm just at my wits end with this. I guess tomorrow morning I'll be at the bank, closing my account, and starting all over with a new account, and then I'll have to do the whole registration thing with Paypal and eBay all over again. This sucks. I have two more handbags to get to complete all the ones I really want. AND, I'm missing so many good deals on there. It's making me a little crazy. Okay, ALOT crazy. OKAY, let's just drop it! Anyways,....I hope I can get myself up and outta bed, do some cardio and get some stuff done, (besides the bank.) I just don't know what to do about les fonds. I'll just play it by ear, and see what happens,.....shhhhh,.....I'll keep ya posted. (I'm just giddy over NO WORK mind you.)

Monday, August 2, 2010

I did go there

Ya know I'm the kinda person that's loyal to a fault. And I really am. To a fault. Once I get something in my head about someone,-whether it makes me like them or hate them,-that's it. I'll never change my mind, and I will forever like or dislike that person. I mean, no one, but no one can change my mind, and I will fight to the finish defending my idea of that person,(whether they be liked or hated by me.) I absolutely LOVE Mark McGuire when he was playing, (even before all that business with the home runs.) I think he single-handedly brought baseball back that year. I really do, and whether he did or didn't do any drugs means absolutely nothing to me, and I think he got a totally raw deal for all that nonsense. Baseball used him and then when they were done, threw him to the wolves, and that just pisses me off. I will ALWAYS and forever be a Mark M. fan. Same thing with Ken Caminiti. The guy had outside problems, with drugs, with women, with himself. He still worked-out, kept himself in shape, played very hard baseball for the Padres,(when he was alive,) and people still dismissed everything he ever did,....that made me steam. People make mistakes, people are people, no one is perfect, and neither are their careers, but at least acknowledge what he did accomplish and what he does bring to the table,(team.) Not to mention the women went nuts for him. He was unbelievable gorgeous. Then I have to mention how much I DISLIKE the Red Wings and the Yankees. You can just put those two teams on the moon and I won't miss them one damn bit. Mind you I have total respect and like Steve Yzerman,(was the captain of the Red Wings,) and A-Rod,(from the despicable Yankees.) I can't deny what they have done, what they contributed, and how great and talented they are/were. Personally Steve Yzerman could do no wrong with me except for being a Red Wing,.....and A-Rod I have personally met and was in contact with him before he became big-time. (He used to come in where I bartended and try to get served alcohol when he was underage, and later on when my husband and I owned a gym, he would come in and workout,-not to mention The Boys and Girls Club was one block from our gym, and he was basically there ALL THE TIME. He was always a very nice, polite, hardworking, very giving guy. Not stuck-up at all. He was adorable and extremely good-looking.) So what. I still HATE the Yankees, but NOT A-Rod. I still HATE the Red Wings but NOT Stevie Y. Never. I HATE anyone who drives: a Hummer, any kinda Porsche, and Corvettes. Anyone who drives one of those cars is seriously lacking something that they feel they have to make up for. Something. And you will NEVER change my mind! Never! Yea, I said that. I did. So what. And I really don't know what the big deal is with Angelina Jolie, Tom Cruise, Russell Brand, Kathy Griffin, Snooki, Speidi, and I'm sure I'm leaving quite a few out that I can't think of right now off the top of my head. All of THEM could fall off the side of the earth and I wouldn't miss them for one second. Not one. Believe me, I know that I'm talking out both sides of my mouth,(as they say.) I know that, but I'm aloud my opinions, right? Oh, and let me add Steve Segal, Jean-Claude van Dame, and Mel Gibson. Anyone who can hit a woman for ANY reason, is NOT good in my book. EVER. EVER! Walk away,....just walk away,-like your mother taught you,(hopefully.) Walk. Away. And please, don't even get me started with these so-called 'reality stars' things. Uck. I don't even want to waste my time to even think, let alone write about them. Please. They don't deserve one second of my thought or time. NOT ONE,-so I won't.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Is this really me?

It's Sunday, and I have today and tomorrow off. THAT makes me happy. Made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner tonight. Thinking about going to the movies,....Munky is trying to convince me otherwise. (She wants to go outside for a walk in the worst way. It's been so rainy here tho, I won't take her.) Besides,....last time we went out she caught a baby frog,(in her mouth,) and you shoulda seen me trying to get it out without hurting the little guy. I gave Munky a 30 minute speech about how frogs are good to have in our yard,(like she can really understand me! It made ME feel better.) At least the little guy hopped away,(maybe a little shaken,-but alive.) I just can't reward her for trying to kill our little frenchies.(That's what I call frogs.) So yeah, I haven't taken her outside since. I was too traumitized. What else,....I somehow convinced Paypal to let my pymt. go thru for that Fendi bag at least, so NO negative feedback. I'm glad for that at least, but my bank account is still frozen, and hacked into, and there is nothing I can do about it short of changing banks, which I guess I will have to do now. This is just crazy that I can't get to my own money because of all the hacking into my bank account. Just frustrating. VERY frustrating in fact,...but I know there is no sense in getting aggravated because it will accomplish nothing at all! Right? Right. I've been looking at YouTube for instructional videos on how to do my hair in a high ponytail with the bump in it. Nothing I try works,....I can never get that JessicaSimpson/JenniferLopez/RachelBilson ponytail look, and I love that look. Why do some things come so easy to some and so hard to others? (And I certainly don't just mean hair and make-up either.) Even myself, I know to the outsider I look like I have the dream life, (for the exception of working,).....but it seems like it all is so hard, and when you really need something to go easy and right, it doesn't, believe me! Not for us at least. Maybe after all these legalities are over and done with, THEN things will be more idyllic for us and me,......but until then,-NOT A CHANCE,....no matter how many designer bags I get to buy. I just don't know about this world. So many things I just don't understand, or agree with. I hate that there is nothing I can do to make a difference, I can try and try,....but nothing changes anything. On Facebook Saturday and found out that one of the nicest guys that I worked with in the Grove when I bartended passed away last week. He had cancer,...and apparently fought until the very end. Hardly anyone knew from the looks of his FB page. Sad. Very sad, and I will never understand it. Never. Just makes me more angry and bitter, and hateful. Isn't that horrible? I'm turning into 'one of those people.' I really am. It scares me, when I try to look at myself from the outside. And as an adult. I never wanted to be this kind of person. Never, but now I am. I guess I am. Am I really? Oh ick. I'm hating the person I've become.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Every little bit helps

Had ANOTHER problem with our A/C today. How nice. I went to work practically dripping wet with sweat. Disgusting. I was hating life. Yep. All fixed,(so far,) when I came home. (Thank the good Lord!!!) I was going to float in the pool to cool off if it wasn't fixed when I got home. I'm lucky we have a pool. Oh, and last night I found out that my FAVORITE singer(Jamey Johnson) will be at Mizner Park in Boca Raton on Oct. 30th. I am SO EXCITED to go,-I can't wait. He is so awesome live. What a voice, what a band, what a hottie. I love his music, it's so old-style, real country music. None of this crap that's out and way too commercial. I love Toby Keith, but besides his looks and great little hooks and sayings in his songs, I really crave to hear a real country song from him. Jamey Johnson is the real deal, the real thing. One listen to 'In Color' or even 'That Lonesome Song' and you will know what I mean. He can sing, he can write, he can do it all, not to mention he is crazy-hot-looking. So yeah, I can't wait! CAN'T WAIT. So I have some stuff to look foward to. Hey,-it helps, ya know? Anything helps when you're in my situation. Looking foward to this concert, to our family reunion in October, looking foward to getting this Fendi Spy bag,....yea,...every little thing helps. Small steps. BABY STEPS. Any little thing.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Just gotta say oh well

I'm feeling a bit used, and abused, after that Facebook incident. (Sorry about that last post, I guess I had to vent.) I'm over it tho. I'm sitting here watching Zombieland, (which I love,) and watching my kittehs (happily) play tag running thru the house. The are so the little loves of my life. I truly could watch them all day, and not be bothered with anything else. I have been duelling (two 'L's'?) with my bank and Paypal account thru eBay for the last three months. My bank account has been hacked into three times, I even closed the account and opened new ones with different passwords, etc. and now THAT'S been hacked into. I'm kinda at my wit's end trying to figure out what else I can do. My bank has been no help. Just enough to decline every attempt of ME trying to get my own money outta my own bank account. It's aggravating and just plain frustrating. It's hard to deal. SO!~ I just tried to pay for a really great deal on eBay that I found, on a Fendi Spy bag, that I've been hunting down for I-don't-know-how-long-now, and I went ahead and bought-it-now, and my Paypal account won't let the payment go thru! Now I'm going to get negative feedback, and I'm NOT happy about it. (I have 100% feedback.) I mean, I emailed the seller and tried to explain, and I hope she understands, but I don't blame her if she doesn't. Aggravating,-that's all I gotta say. Oh,-and frustrating. I know I'll be okay, but still mad about it.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Turns on ya one day

Remember how I told ya that I've been on Facebook lately and found a bunch of jr.high/high school friends on there? You ever notice how something that really starts out and/or seems so great turns on you? I mean really. My father worked with someone who's daughter went to school with me that I became friends with and felt obligated no matter what I thought of her and her actions, to be friends with. No matter what. Let me tell you, I disagreed with ALOT she had done, and alot of her actions,...but I really stayed a true friend to her,-no matter what anyone said. I honestly did. I even re-connected with her years later, and we caught up with emails, pictures, etc. Now-even later,- I found all our old gang on FB and 'friended' her, and she writes me this msg. today about how I never kept in touch, I never answered any questions she (supposedly) asked me, and how she doesn't consider me a friend. REALLY? I mean REALLY? I about giggled myself into an asthma attack reading this msg. on FB from her. Can someone really be this mentally misguided? I mean really? It scares me that people out there walk around among us that are this confused and believe in their misguided little world. I guess that's why partly this world is the way it is. Very scary to think about.VERY. OK,-she went out with a guy who I had a crush on all thru jr. high and high school,(this is my 'friend'.) She then went behind my back and after a fiance' and I split up after 7 YEARS, she secretly slept with him, and to this day, doesn't know that I know. Not to mention numerous other fiascos that two teenage/ twenty-something-yr.-old girls can get into. It wasn't pretty on her part,-trust me. And ya know what? I never judged,....................................................................................until now. I think back to then and how NON-judgemental I was at the time, but the things she did were just WRONG. Cheating on a great guy she had for a boyfriend that everyone wanted,....dating undesirable guys, NUMEROUS, undesireable guys, (if you know what I mean.) She ended up dating my first crush that had finally asked me out (years later,) and she got him to miss our date. THEN,....(I never brought it up,-I pretended like it didn't happen to stay friends,).......we both ended up going after the same guy (again,) and he picked me! Surprise, surprise.We ended up dating and eventually getting engaged,...and after 7 years things just didn't work out. (He wanted children and thought he could change my mind, and I knew I didn't,-end of story.) So, and that's a big SO~ after we split up she (pretended) to still be my friend while all along she was going after the guy I just split up with. (Yes,-she ended up sleeping with him.) Whatever. I got over that eventually too after meeting my now husband, and she even tried to get too friendly with him, (he told me,) and NOW after all that, she wrote me a note on FB ,saying how thru everything, she doesn't consider me a friend, and that I never kept in touch w/ her with emails, etc. REALLY? I've kept in touch with a few of our other friends, why and how not her? (I did tho.) I'm just really trying to figure out the little world that this girl/woman lives in. It's actually pretty scary when I think about it. And she has a kid too, (which REALLY scares me to think how she has raised him, and his values.) I KNOW that there are two sides to every story, but in jr.high/high school I was very straight and narrow. I didn't go out with any guy until I was 16, and even then it ended up being a 2 year relationship. She on the other hand went out with and slept with every guy she could get her hands on from jr.high on. I became friends with my first crush's older brother,(JUST FRIENDS mind you,) and he told me that all the guys knew how 'easy' she was and that's why they all tried to go out with her. HE told me that. I STILL stood up for her. Every guy I ever went out with never wanted me near her, or associating with her. (Probably too because they all did/or tried to sleep with her and didn't want me to find out. EXCEPT my now-husband.) But is that really a friend? I mean, I tried to always stick up for her,.....and now,.....NOW she says all that stuff in this note. I'm just freaking out at how unbelievable this whole girl's attitude towards me is. I really am. I'm so blindsided I can't even believe it, but for once I'm not going to let it slide or go by me. I wrote her a little note saying how I have no idea what in the world she is talking about, and that if she doesn't want to 'friend' me on FB than that's her perogative, and that we are adults now and there is no reason to be like this. I mean really now. I honestly have NO IDEA what this girl is talking about. I have been too involved with our little legal-ridden-horror-story of a life going on right now. Honest. Ya'll have heard me on here. I have no contact with anyone,....ANYONE for the last three years or more. NONE. Not even people that really are my friends. I just don't know how to take it. I'm too aggravated. I am, and I shouldn't be,....but I can't help it. Maybe I'm being immature,- I don't know. I just don't know.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Just tell me WHY

Getting our A/C fixed as I write this. So glad,...we have had record breaking heat here in South Florida, and I'm sure alot of people are having A/C problems,...SO,....I'm glad we're getting it done NOW. I've been on Facebook alot lately and have found ALOT of classmates and friends from so many years ago. It's fun catching-up and seeing how everyone turned-out and what they look like. Isn't it funny? Way back when, I thought I'd never be 45 yrs.old. Boy-oh-boy,.....that day comes faster than people imagine. Crazy,-huh? I found my first crush,...him and his older brother ended being very good friends of mine and we always kept in touch, up until I was about 35, and then all of a sudden, - I couldn't find any info. or fowarded address' for them. I figured if they stopped keeping in touch, then I didn't want to bother them. So now, I just found them on FB and I guess I'll see if they want to say 'hi'. I feel like a such a slob the way I look right now. I only have pictures on FB from when my hubby and I got married in 2006. I still looked OK then, but NOW, I feel like a hag. If I had to see anyone NOW, I wouldn't do it. I look so awful, and really,.....I have aged from this whole legal situation about 20 years. I have to start taking care of myself again. I'm just too tired to do it right now. I feel exhausted all the time. It's depression. I know it. Oh well. Enough with that! I've been watching this tropical depression on the news. It looks like it's going to hit the Keys, (which is bad news for my mom.) I called her this morning, but got no answer, so I'm hoping she'll get in touch sometime today, to tell me if they are going to have to evacuate, and where they will be staying. THATS one of reasons I'm glad I don't live there. I came so close to moving down there when my dad was alive, and they moved to Key Largo. I about imploded when they told me. A whole hour away!? I couldn't handle it. But it all turned out good. My dad got a good 7 months down there before everything happened and he passed less than a year later. At least he got to do what he always wanted. Live in the Keys on the water. He LOVED it. I remember going for bike rides with him after dinner, and we would look at all the houses in their neighborhood. We had fun, and that's what counted, and I have to remember. Because I'm still bitter and angry about his death 16 YEARS LATER. Still not over him being gone. I never will be. Heck~it took me 7 years to wear a cross again. I stopped going to church,-I was just too angry that God could take my dad away from me and my family like that. It about killed me, not to mention what my mother went thru. I will forever be angry about that. And yes, I know, it happens every second to someone,....but why? Why does ANYONE have to suffer? Why? I just don't get it, and I hate how it's so unfair to people. WHY?

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Being thankful

Came home from CVS last night after work, aggravated to the hilt! (As you read.) Relaxed once I got home, and saw Munky and Sugar,....we played, fed them, let Sugar out, and sat down with my magazines, and computer. Hubby was out playing poker til about 2am. Sat here, and totally went into my little happy world when my husband got home. We talked all night. Literally. We had one of those rare, fun nights where we sat here and laughed, and talked and played with the kittehs,watched TV, and by the time 8am rolled around, we made eggs,bacon and toast. We had so much fun. We planned on even going in the pool, but it started to thunder and lightening out, and before we knew it, it was pouring. How cool was that? We went to sleep with the kittehs all pooped-out from running around and playing, and us all getting in bed, and going to sleep to the sound of it storming out. I absolutely loved it. I haven't been happy like that in a very long time. I got up around 1pm,-just couldn't sleep. I hate that I have to go to work tomorrow. I'm already worrying. Why can't everyone just NOT have to work? Why? Time is so precious, and people have no idea what a commodity it is until it's too late. Until they don't have it. I hate how unfair life is to people. To everything. I don't understand it. How do people still have faith, still have religion, still believe? I have such a hard time. I really do,....I'm so thankful for our lives, the little moments like last night. The times like last night used to be alot more frequent, but it's been hard, and it has to be spontaneous. You can't plan something like that. It made me restore my little bit of happiness that we lost over the last few legal-ridden horror story years that has been our life. Next April can't come quick enough. Trust me,-NOT. FAST. ENOUGH. I just always have that doomed feeling that time will run out. I need to snap outta feeling like that. It gets depressing. I really have to go see a psychiatrist, I'm too up-n-down, too many peaks, too many lows. I have to just let it be. That's it. Just be.

Put that cellphone where the sun don't shine

Got off work today and went to CVS and had to stand in line behind some dimwit who very obviously didn't know how to use a debit/credit card machine!!! I wanted to kill! Can these people just slow down enough to READ what it is asking you?, and not just jab your damn finger at the machine and push every button!???! I wanted to fling his card, and freakin' do it myself just to get him away from me, and outta the line. Are we really THAT busy?, THAT stupid?, THAT in a hurry? How important do you think you are to sit on your cellphone, hold up the line, AND do your debit FOUR freakin' times because you can't pay enough attention to what you are reading/doing? BECAUSE you're on your DAMN PHONE!!! OMG! Please. What an idiot I wanted to yell at him. It really was infuriating. I was so close to losing my temper. So close, (not that that is such a big deal, but C'MON.) REALLY? It's no wonder I have no patience with stupid people like this. How do they live this long without someone beating them to death from their sheer stupidity and lack of awareness around them? I would love to be some big, huge, muscleman for 24 hours, and smack the tar outta these people just to teach them a lesson. Aggravates the living piss outta me. (SORRY for the language.) Sometimes I just can't deal, ya know? Then there is the person speaking loud enough on their cell that you can hear their entire (stupid, boring,) conversation. Do I really wanna hear this? Do I really wanna hear you? I couldn't care any less, believe me. I don't even wanna hear my own conversations half the time on the phone,....why would I wanna hear your's?! WHY?! I HATE ALL PHONES.I HATE them and the people who are obnoxious on them. All of you guys. THINK, before going in public, just sit in your damn car and talk. I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOU, do you got it?! DON'T. WANT. TO. HEAR. YOU. AT. ALL. JUST ZIP IT!


Thank you.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Nothing new

Okay,-so my b-day went by uneventful,-which I like. Very low-key and quiet. Back to work and hoping that our vacation will be on for next month. Massachusetts here we come! (At least I'm hoping so. We will see.) It seems like time is going by fast and slow at the same time for me. I just feel so bored tho. And angry. And frustrated. And hag-ish. (I'm 45 now,...officially hag time.) I never thought at this point in my life I would be like I am right now. At least we're not broke, and at least we are still happy in our marriage, which in this day and age, is alot. This past January it was 18 years we've been together now. Like I tell him all the time,...."there is no divorce in my vocabulary",........NONE. I will not have it. I got married to him and that's all there ever will be. Not again, and no one ever else, - I can tell ya that's the truth. I've never felt I belonged with someone so much in my life as I do with my hubby. He is just the kittehs meow. (And apparently to alot of other women too. Everywhere we go, he gets hit on by young and old! It's very cute to see. He gets so embarassed.) Last time we went to a Toby Keith concert, there was a row of about 6 women/girls behind us, and they were drinking (probably alot,) and they kept really hitting on my husband with me right there! And they even went as far as grabbing his butt. He didn't know what to do! (Now he knows how women feel when men get too grabby-touchy with us.) I laughed it off, but he was starting to get mad. They just thought he was the hottest thing. Too funny. Hey! I can't get mad,-they just think what I think about him, and if he's hot, he's hot, and I certainly think he is, so there is my rationale. So,....haven't been on eBay because someone hacked into my bank account for the third time in less than 17 months. This is getting ridiculous. (And I'm jones-ing for eBay bids as I write.) I'll just have to suffer. I'll catch up with ya soon.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Weird night/Great bag


I can't sleep, and I've been up for hours already. Thank goodness I don't have to go to work today. The kittehs were up at all hours playing tag and running absolutely everything over in there path. Very cute, but not condusive to sleeping. (Was it a full moon last night?) Sugar is outside now, and Munky is passed-out next to me,(so precious,) and my husband is sound asleep, happily snoring away in bed,-like I should be! Oh well,....it's all good. I've started doing cardio last week and have been doing it everyday since. I haven't felt any energy yet, but I know that it will take a few weeks for that to kick in. Hopefully I can get some things around here accomplished finally. I also have to wait til this week now til we find out if the P.O. for my husband will let him go on vacation up to Mass. I'm so keeping my fingers crossed, but I won't get my hopes up too much. I can't. Like I always say,....hope for the best, and expect the worst,...you'll never be disappointed that way. I do have a plan B if we can't go,.....I will still take the time I asked for off from work, but I will clean up this house finally and get it all organized at the very least. So,-like I said,....hope for the best,.....yup. What else is new? Ummm,....I've gotten some more stuff on eBay, some unbelieveable deals. I mean really. I got a $498 Michael Kors bag for $230,....and yeah, it's authentic. (I brought it to the MK store in Boca,...and they said it was authentic,-so I'm happy.) I also got a Gucci bag for about the same price, and I'm waiting to hear back from the lady at Gucci in Saks Fifth Avenue there. So I'll see. I tell ya,...if you have the patience, there are definitely deals to be had on there. Really. (And you have to do some research, and know what you are looking for,) but really, where can you get those kind of deals for that kinda stuff?! I love it. What else, what else? Nothing really I guess. Maybe I should try to get some sleep and unwind now that the kittehs have stopped running. Maybe I should run up to Einsteins and get some iced coffee and hangout and people watch. I'll keep ya posted!!!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Just thinking out loud

So I got thru the 4th of July weekend at work, and now I'm off for two days. Nice. I live for my days off, (as does I'm sure everyone does.) I was going to plan an early morning at my SIL(sister-in-law), but it was rainy and dark, and I called her and let her know I wasn't coming. It's too nice ,I want to just stay in and lay around. My hubby is still sleeping,(4:34pm.) He was playing poker all night. So I got up around 1pm and just been sitting here with the kitteh on the laptop. No TV, no lights on, just in my jammies with a throw, and curled up on the couch in the front living room next to the big picture window, and watching it rain, and the A/C is all cool, and I love this kinda day. (Only when I'm off from work tho.) SO~ next weekend is my b-day, and I asked for Sat.,Sun.,Mon. off. I hope I can get to my mom's one of those days. I would like to see her. It would be my b-day present to myself. I miss her so much,...and I know it's only an hour away, but working the hours that I do, it's just kinda hard to get there. I do call her almost everyday tho. I miss having family around. That's what I loved so much when my dad was alive. Everyone always came to our house, big,long dinners, great food, lotsa fun,playing pool, sitting in our family room that was all windows and so beautiful. I loved that time of my life,....I didn't know it then, but I always had fun. My parents were the most easy-going, UN-judgemental people I have ever known. I used to be like that, but of course, NOT ANYMORE. No where near like that. I don't think you can survive in this day and age without putting up a wall to keep yourself safe at least. Sad to say, but I really believe that's true. How sad. I remember our Saturday and Sunday dinners would always last late in the night. My parents could sit at the table all night just talking, laughing, and having great food,conversation, coffee, and after dinner drinks. There would always be laughing, and telling great stories, -even as a kid, I could sit at the dining room table with all the grown-ups and listen to everyone talking and laughing for hours on end. That's why I would love to live up in Ga. near my oldest brother,....their family is alot like how we were when we were kids. Always together, laughing, talking, and having great dinners, and cookouts. They are all each others best friends,(like it should be.) Yeah, I miss that alot. But it will never like that again,....not on my side. We don't have kids, we can't even go anywhere really,.....but like I said before,-the end is in sight. By March of next year, all our legal problems should be over and done with. (Big sigh.) Now THAT makes me happy.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Explain me to myself please

Okay,....so could someone please explain something about me that I don't understand? Why is it that when I see someone with some namebrand designer thing, it becomes more desireable and makes me have to have it that much more?! Because I can't begin to understand it myself. I just don't. What is the deal with me? Can someone tell ME, because I feel left out and don't understand. Or is that it? Do I feel left out? Someone please give me an outside opinion. I need a non-knowing, non-judgemental person to explain it to me. It just makes me have to have something like right then and there. I just don't get it. I'm so confused with myself. I know right now is NOT the time for self examination,...that's for sure. Not how things are with me in my life right now,...but I can't seem to explain where I get these urges to just have to have something no matter what. Michael Kors, Prada, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, YSL, Jimmy Choo,........shall I go on? I just have to own it myself,....not borrow, not rent,...I have to OWN it, and then I love it for a little while, and in the closet it goes. Does any of this make sense? Has anyone heard of this? What is up with me? I'm feeling very far away,......very outside of myself looking in, and I'm totally confused. I am. So that's why I just bought my second Fendi bag, a Gucci, and now a Michael Kors wallet to go with the bag I bought last month. Help! I need some interpeting(?). Any. Some opinions please. I'm starting to panick even more about myself. Any opinions would be welcome. What does it sound like to you?

Friday, July 2, 2010

Please take me away

Well, I have to work clear thru 4th of July. Then there is the big BUT,~ next weekend is my birthday and I asked for Sat., Sun. and Mon. off. I hope I get it,....and THEN I just found out last night that maybe we will be taking a ten day trip up to Ipswich,(Mass.). I will be ecstatic if we get to go. I have to see if I get it off from wk. first tho. I'm trying to act like it doesn't matter, but I'm holding my breath waiting to see if they say I can take the vacation time. Apparently two other people are taking vacations on part of the dates that I asked for off, and we "can't have three people on vacation at once." I mean REALLY??? Are you kidding me?! What else does someone want to throw at me? I really NEED this vacation. I NEED it,~DO YOU HEAR ME? ~I NEED IT GOD DAMN IT! NEED,NEED,NEED. Drive up there,......spend time with my SIL and husband,.....eat some great food; fried Ipswich clams at the Clam Box,Ipswich steamers at Woodmans,anything at Choate Bridge Pub,.....go to Boston and eat,shop, and just sightsee. How fun would that be? It would be so nice, and relaxing, and..............PERFECT. Just what we need. Anyways-I can't make myself crazy thinking about it,....I'll just have to wait-n-see,-that's all. Nothing else new here tho. Actually I CAN'T stop thinking about it. I can't, I HAVE to go on that vacation. I just have to,.......

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Every little bit helps me

Today has been a nice day so far. Off from work today and tomorrow, and I got up late, played with Munky for awhile, and then looked online for a dryer on Craigslist. Found one and we called when my husband got up, and I took a nap w/ Munky and my hubby went and picked up the dryer. Got up and went grocery shopping and came home and started cooking homemade mashed potatoes and meatloaf and gravy. I have had the worst craving for meatloaf and mashed taters. My husband is just happy I'm cooking. When I didn't work I cooked dinner every night. It was fun,....WHEN I DIDN'T WORK, but NOW, working the hours that I do, it's just too hard to cook every night when I come home around 10:30 or 11:30. So another thing down, and now we have to have our A/C looked at. Monday. Tomorrow. I'd like to go shopping, but I don't see it happening. That's okay tho. I'll live. Ummm,......maybe I'll do some much needed cleaning around here. That would be more productive for us, and just plain better. I know this, but in our depression, it's so hard to do the littlest thing. Like getting outta bed, making a simple phone call, or writing out a stupid bill. Yeah,~ we just need to move outta here. Too many bad memories that make us depressed. I keep going over and over in my head when the cops came in here and wrecked our house. They were just so malacious about it. So happy to do it. Didn't look or listen to anything we tried to say, and just destroyed everything from the ground up. And my poor Sugar couldn't understand anything that was going on. He was running from room to room not knowing where to hide or go. That alone makes me so goddamn angry that I wanna kill them. My poor thing, so scared. But I try not to let myself get carried away thinking of that day, and how our lives have changed 360 degrees. We are not the same people, nor will we ever be again. Hopefully we will come out stronger for it. That's the only silver lining in it all. I have to look at it like that, or I will make myself absolutely crazy. Totally. The other thing is I've become ALOT closer to my sister-in-law. I've really come to love,rely, and know her better than ever, and I'm a better person for her helping me, and us. I honestly don't know what I will do once we move up to Canada. I will miss her horribly. I will feel like my husband and I are alone with no one on our side. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I feel that way. Exposed. So~I'd like to end on a happier note. I was at work yesterday and saw one of Munky's siblings. OMG! So cute! So beautiful. All black little kitteh, with a white stripe right down the middle of her nose, and long haired like Sugar. So gorgeous. I'd love to be able to catch her and keep her with Munky. How cute would that be to give her a forever home. Not live on the street,....she's (or he) is already feral,....she's already too grown up to make them an indoor kitteh. The only thing I can do, and plan to do, is humanely catch her,(them) and have them all spayed and neutered, and bring them back to the same area. That's what we used to do when I volunteered for the No-kill cat shelter. So there's no more unwanted, abused,neglected little kittehs running around. I mean, more unwanted, abused, neglected kittehs. No more. It's gotta stop somehow. Every little bit helps, and I'm going to keep trying. It helps me in ways that nothing and no one else could/can.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Deals and steals

Okay, thank God this day is over. Thank you Lord. My day in court got another continuance,(sp?)...but at least there is light at the end of the tunnel. My NEXT court date (not til Sept.) should be my last. I'm going to be getting a year probation with six months done uneventfully, and it will be done, and no license suspension,(which I had no idea about could happen until today. I almost had a heart attack when my lawyer mentioned it in passing. Jeez.) So my life will start within the next year when this whole fiasco is over and done with, and I'm hoping we can move outta here fairly quick. (Altho anything to do with selling real estate right now is one big headache, and stress-fest.) But I will keep my fingers crossed and hope something outta all this will go somewhat smoothly. Something. Anything. The place I looked at in east Boca is still for sale, but I don't know under what circumstances. I will have to do some research and find out about it. I would absolutely LOVE to live in that place. It would be like living in a giant treehouse. It's on the second floor surrounded by beautiful palms and foliage, and it's only a couple blocks from the water, and it's in a gorgeous, safe, neighborhood. I would love it. And best of all, we would be living right upstairs from my sister-in-law. That would be THE BEST PART. So,~on a lighter note,...I have been getting some great deals, and shopping done on eBay,...a beautiful, AUTHENTIC, Prada bag for $45!!! And some gorgeous YSL heels for less than $100!!! I love getting great deals from eBay,...I don't understand why it makes me feel good, but it does. I think I have a little bit of a "shopping problem" , but I honestly don't know how to stop or how to talk myself outta it when I'm bidding (or buying ) something that I want. Who knows. I don't. Anyhow~ I'm signing off right now to get back on eBay, and check out some deals. I'll keep ya posted.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Full blown panick mode

Well, I've hardly slept, and I'm really going into panick-mode thinking about Thursday's court date. I can't stop thinking about having to be on probation. Thing's like that I thought I'd never have to be involved in or think about. I don't mean to make it sound like it's below me, because believe me, I don't think like that, I just thought I'd never be in this situation. I never knew this even existed. Well welcome me into the real world I guess. Damn. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to the THOUGHT of it all even. I guess I'm worrying for nothing, because this is getting nothing done really,.....jeez. I have to remember that everyone can't see into my life, and they aren't judging me, (altho I do live in So.FL. and that does happen everyday, just for different reasons; not the right bag, or clothes, or whatever!) Ummm,....yeah, I'm in full-blown panick mode now, and I can't help it. I want to get on eBay, but I'm not going to. I can't keep feeding my panick modes by shopping or spending money that I partly don't have and/or shouldn't be spending. (Believe me, I know how lucky I am to even be able to feed this stupid habit.) I really need to get going on getting to a psychiatrist, or head dr. I just need to do something to help myself instead of wallowing in it. All the shoes, handbags, and clothing won't cure me,...and I know that, but I just keep going, and I have to figure out other ways to vent, or let out my whatever-it-is that does this to me. At least I'm one step ahead of the game and can admit I have a huge problem, and I want to help myself stop, right? Right? I'm telling myself yes. Yes to all. And I do know everyone deals with things in different ways,....everyone. So, in that respect, I shouldn't beat myself up too, too much like I have been. But I know what I have to do, and I will do whatever it takes. I have to.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Yeah, THIS ONE DIDN'T get away


SO~last Sunday was the finale of 'Breaking Bad' and that damn show has me so tied up in knots, I don't know which way I'm going. My god! Aaron Paul sure has my vote to win the next whatever-the-award-is for TV show actors. He is unbelievable. That show rocked my world. I took that show to heart. I was literally a mess every Sunday night after it was over,......really. Now I feel kinda empty without it on. I still have 'Burn Notice' and Fee. She is the bomb,....that's who I want to be when I grow-up! No lie. So-I'm finally feeling better about my last eBay experience. I bought two more bags to make up for it and a pair of YSL-look-alikes by Dolce Vita,....they are really nice,...(can't wait to wear them,....I guess to court,....jeez,-that sucks.) Yea, I have a court date this coming Thursday, and I'm just now starting to panic about it. Usually it's last week, but I've been working so much, and sick that I kinda forgot about it. (Wish I could forget the whole thing.) So my fate is in my lawyers hands,....along with the prosecutor and judge, I guess. I'll let ya know what happens,....I'm thinking this is the big judgement day on me, so we will see. I could toss my cookies right now just saying that. (Deep breaths,deep breaths.) Okay, I'm alright now. (And you wonder why I shop like I do, and love my kittehs unconditionally, and wish I could spend every waking second with them than around scumbag people.) Anyways,~I'm trying to get some vacation time off at work for August, but I'm not sure I will get it, being that two other people will be on vacation,....but I'm still going to try and hope. Might get to go up to Ipswich and eat some clams and see some friends,...and just enjoy life, even if it's only for a week. If not, we have my Family Reunion coming up in November for a week, and I really can't wait for that. I'm so excited,....it'll be different with all that has happened in the last month but at least we will all be together, and that's what counts. Enjoying time with all the family together. We will be staying at the Hotel where my hubby and I got married in Universal,....it'll be nice to be there again. Good memories. I'm so looking foward to it, and this is the last one my mom's planning for awhile, because she decided it's going to be every five years instead of every two. (She DOES pay for EVERYONE, and the hotel bill, all tickets to Universal,Disney, and SeaWorld,...so it is ALOT of planning and money, and she's not getting any younger.) So,....that is going to be the big finale in that way. I'm just really, really looking foward to it.( So,...at least I'll have new bags and shoes to wear.) Yep,....I need a nap soon. Loooonnnngggg day.

Monday, June 14, 2010

The one that got away


Okay, so this is the kinda week I've been having,.....I found this really awesome,(expensive) bag on eBay, that was going for a ridiculously,unbelievable price, and I did everything in my power to make sure I was home to get this bag.(I even rearranged my work schedule!) I mean I was serious,....so, time is coming and this is like an $500 bag that is like at $20!!!! I'm having a cow,...waiting, waiting, waiting, and I always wait til like 15-20 seconds left to bid so that they can't up the bid too much after I bid,...so I put in my high bid for lets just say a few hundred dollars, and my computer CRAPS OUT ON ME! I think my blood pressure went thru the top of my head,...well, to make matters worse,.....yea, I loved this,....the winning bidder bought this bag for,.....$39.51!!! I wanted to tear my eyes outta my head,....I couldn't believe it. Then,....I was at work on Saturday, and had to go home sick because I felt awful and have been in bed ever since.(Running to the bathroom every half hour gettin sick or so.) So yeah, I've had a crappy week.(Ha-ha.) Oh, and also, our A/C in the house is not cooling right, so yeah, we are having record breaking heat down here, and our A/C which is not even 2yrs.old decides to die on us. Could things go wrong anymore? Could they? I'm hating life more than I usually do right now. Now on the good side. I checked on my Facebook msgs. and someone who I haven't seen or heard from since 1977!!! found me and wrote me. Very nice. A brother and sister that my sister and I (and my parents) all met on a cruise we took,....we had a GREAT time,...we got to meet Pele' the soccer player, (who even as a kid I was VERY in awe of,) and he was the perfect gentlemen to my sister and I, and was very gracious. All in all, it was a great vacation at my tender age of 12, but I remember the fun we had like it was yesterday. I can't wait to call my mom and sister and tell them that they got in touch with me,...they will be so excited to hear about it. (I tell my mom everything. She's my best friend next to my husband,sister, and sister-in-law. Heck!-my mom was my matron of honor at our wedding.) So yeah, at least that balanced out the stupidity of my computer not working quick enough. I should'nt even care, but it galls me, that's all. So mad I am. So damn mad. It's only material stuff I gotta tell myself,....it's just aggravating that's all. I'm laughing about it now. Really I am,.........in my head.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Maybe I'm not so strange

Well,....a lighter posting today, I promise. I have the next two days off, and I really am doing the 'happy dance'. Went shopping at the mall today, but I really wanted to try to go to this other huge outlet mall, but I've never gone by myself, and I couldn't do it. I'm fighting my phobias again because of all the stress,...so yeah,...I wanted to go to one place,but ended up going to the same mall I always go to, (which really isn't so bad.) I just know that the less I do, the less I'm able to do, (if that makes sense to you.) Anyhow~remember when you were little the things you liked,-whether it be food, toys, people, etc.? and the things you didn't? Well, for some reason in traffic trying to keep myself from my panic attacks while driving alone, my mind wandered, and I started remembering all these little things from when I was younger. Weird, huh? Well, I know I can remember LOVING butter so much when I was little that my family had to pass the butter to each other UNDER the table so I wouldn't cry for it. (And believe it or not, I HATE butter, margarine, anything even LIKE butter now.) I loved sweets for as far back as I can remember, and still do,...so much so that in the past three years since all the legal crap has been going on, I ate so much sweets that my dr. told me that I am borderline diabetic, so I have stopped cold turkey, and I never knew how damn hard it would be. I was eating cake, cookies, candy, anything chocolate EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now, MAYBE once a week. I really don't like mushrooms, even the smell of them cooking makes me want to toss my cookies, FOR REAL. Cheeses, all of them, can't stomach, mayonaise, makes me want to gag, any kinda salad dressing, except for oil and vinegar,.....disgusting,...cottage cheese, cream cheese,ANY and ALL cheesecake, sour cream,even whipped cream! all will NEVER-EVER touch my fork. NEVER. I LOVED milk when I was kid and teenager, but as an adult I never touch it. I love eggs, but don't like quiche,....I hate cheese, but can eat pizza if it's mozzarella,....I used to love pasta and tomato sauce, and now I can tolerate pasta, and am allergic to tomato sauce. Strange. I have heard that if you eat alot of a certain thing, that when you get older, you will become allergic to it. I never ate greens when I was a child, but now I love asparagas, salad, green beans, arugula, and broccolli. (I know I can't spell,-bare with me.) I've always loved fish and seafood, but now I'm not thrilled with shrimp so much, but I could eat lobster, clams, and mussels for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also could eat any kinda breakfast food all day every day. I LOVE breakfast. LOVE, love, love it! One of the other things I can't stomach,-escargot. EEEEeeeeewwwwww!!!!! NEVER EVER. Cannoli's and tiramusi, and any cheesecake, even chocolate cheesecake will never be near me,....and~NEVER liked coffee anything, but now I can't get the day started without my Einstein's vanilla hazelnut iced coffee. So good. And I think I've covered all my bases,....oh, and NEVER to this day will I ever have a male doctor ever. I don't know why, but I can't do it. I'm a strange girl, - I know. Is everyone like this? or have these "things" about them? Makes me wonder.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Just be-ing

Alright,-I'm sorry again. It really is my computer. I swear it's playing headgames with me. I can't get it going again, and then all of a sudden,-boom!-it works fine,...and then can't get on the internet,...can't get on eBay, can't do anything but play solitaire offline. Then the next day I turn it on, and fiddle with it, and it gets started, and on and on and on. (You get the picture.) Between that, and my job, and this damn oil spill,....and the Joran Van der Pig thing,....and my husband's truck being in the shop for seven days straight,.....and just plain ole' working too much, and being depressed, and welcome to everyone's life too, right? I just can't bounce back from the death in our family last month,...and my upcoming courtdate, and worrying about my mom's health, and my other niece, and can I just make it all go away? All of it. I'm so tired of being tired. I am. I hate the world, and people. People can ruin a free lunch. Look what we've done now to the ocean,....look what we do to each other, let alone animals, even our own kids. I just can't seem to get past all the negative in this world. I can't and it's wrecking me. I'm hating too much. I really am. I just want to save all the animals in the world and live my life with them, and never be around another asshole human being. Animals don't judge or look down their nose at you, everything they do is honest, and there are no hidden agendas. None. They just do, and feel, and,.....just be. Just be. So I guess that's what I've been doing,....just being.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

What now?

Well, my computer is still acting up, so that's the reason for the weird picture placement and then this. Yeah, I don't know. All I know is that the condo is FINALLY sold! I couldn't be more relieved. I mean really. We took a giant loss, but it's better than us still losing money, which is what we would be doing right now if it weren't sold. (Heavy sigh.) So,...next thing on our agenda is to finish every single bit of the house we are living in and put THAT up for sale. Then we will see, but I'll worry about that then, - I have to worry about NOW,...and getting the details in this house done. We have two bathrooms to do entirely, and some minute details around the house to do, and then this one is next! Whew,...I'm tired already just thinking about it. I won't miss this place tho. I won't. Not the ugly things that happened here. All of it is like a bad dream,...sometimes it feels like it just happened, and other times it feels like a million years ago. I'm just not the same person anymore. My husband and I have aged 20 years in the last three. I swear, you'd never believe we were the same people if you saw us than and now. I have really cut off all ties with everyone when it all happened to us. I just couldn't take the pressure, the explaining, the having to hold up and put a smile on my face,...I just couldn't do it. I couldn't even get outta bed. I still barely can. The last three years I stopped working-out for the first time since I was 20 years old. (That's 22 years!) I feel like a fat slob now,....I mean I just can't seem to get into the swing of things THREE YEARS LATER EVEN. I think of my niece who just lost her husband, and has two small kids, and I don't know how she even faces it everyday. My heart hurts for her so bad,...it makes me physically ill sometimes. And yeah, I'm still working on finding a psychiatrist for myself,....I feel that feeble. THAT'S the perfect word to describe how I feel almost everyday. I wanna know when I'm going to snap outta this and start living my life again. What if I died tomorrow? What a waste. My husband is doing the same thing,....except he is still working-out, but having alot of problems physically. He's in unbelievable shape still, but lifting weights for as long as he has is starting to damage his joints, and closing in on 50, he's starting to feel the wear-n-tear. (That's 38 years of steady weight-lifting. Trust me,...he's in some pain.) SO~here we are! I just have to start up again, weight-lifting, yoga, cardio, I really enjoyed how it made me feel, and how I felt so healthy. I feel like it's all gone by the wayside,...but I hope I can get it back soon. Other than that,...nothing else new. Still looking at new computers. Need a new printer. Need a new life. Anything else?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I wanna be a kitteh


I feel like I'm starting to implode. Too much pressure. Do you ever feel like that? I came home from an easy day at work, and continued trying to get on here,(the computer.) My computer keeps going down. I don't know what's wrong with it, but I have to have someone look at it. I don't even know how I got it back working. Oh well. One good thing for right now. I couldn't even take Munky out for a walk, - I was just too wound up. (She's not very happy with me right now. Poor little peanut.) I'll try to make it up to her tomorrow night. So,....the closing is this Friday, and I've been running around like a crazy person! Doing all sorts of things. There's always one more thing that has to be done it seems. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I swear it. Anyhow~I will feel alot better once this closing is done Friday. (And then of course we have my court date next. Oh yipee.) Tomorrow I have an 8:30AM dermatoligist appt. because the skin on my fingertips and the soles of my feet keep cracking open and bleeding. It IS as painful as it sounds. I've barely kept it under control,...and I've finally made a dr.'s appt. I showed it to my regular physician and she told me it was stress,...how nice. Let's see what a dermatoligist says. Isn't that all wonderful to know? So many little things that just all add up. So needless to say, tomorrow is going to be a llllooonnnggg day for me,....too long. But I will have Friday and Sunday off tho. Thank goodness. I'm starting to think I wish this whole damn month should just get over. Please. I just can't take it. I want to just cuddle with the kittehs and not leave the house or bedroom for that matter. Why couldn't I be a kitteh? Why-oh-why?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Thank you.

A nice day off today. Already talked to my mom,....cleaned the pool, took Munky out, fed Sugar-Man, watching hockey, and getting ready to go to my SIL for dinner and watch "Breaking Bad" tonight. I have tomorrow off too. The closing for the condo is this coming Friday. I'm nervous. I just want everything to go thru w/ no problems. (That's about as unlikely as pigs flying or me having good luck. Never happen.) Anyways,....still thinking and worrying about impending court date. Starting to have bad dreams about it. This is how I start to make myself sick. Am I abnormal to be like this? Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. My nephew got a tribute tatoo I just saw on Facebook. My family up in Georgia will be hurting for a very long time. It hurts my heart to know my family is feeling like that, and there is nothing I can do to make it better. Frustrating. I think I'm going to try to plan another trip up there, to help out and take some stress off my brother and SIL,....I'm so worried about them both. Too much stress. My brother is taking all this extremely hard and that worries me. I have to talk with my sister to see when she is going up there. Maybe I'll tag-along. ANYWAYS~ enough sad talk. Thanks for always letting me be,....writing on here helps me so much, believe it or not. I think I get alot of "stuff" off my chest. I wish I could always be light-hearted and funny like all these other great blogs, but this is my life, and I have to let some of it out someway, somehow. Just wanna say I appreciate anyone who reads this. It helps.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Are you really kidding me?

Had a weird day today. This whole week, the president of the condo. ass. where we are selling our condo in eight days, has been bugging me about 'this-that-and-the-other' all damn week! Eight days before closing, and he's telling me we have to get the washer and dryer outta there or the buyers won't be approved by the board! ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME???? REALLY??? So, I leave early this morning before work, and meet these people who want the w/d, and I told them if they can just take it out, they can have it. Yep. So there we are, three people early in the morning, trying, and I repeat 'trying' to unhook the w/d, and FINALLY, we got it down the two short flights of stairs, and loaded into their truck. What a relief. I then proceed to let the Condo-Cammando-president know that the w/d are outta there, and he gives me ANOTHER list of things I have to do BEFORE closing next Friday. Again,.....ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME!!?? I am going to strangle this guy, I mean really,....but you'd be proud, I smiled politely and asked if there was "absolutely anything else I need to do and/or know about to do before closing NEXT FREAKIN' FRIDAY?!" He just walked away shaking his head "no". How nice of him. Wasn't that sweet? Freakin' roses. Coming up roses, I am.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Normal or not, here I am

Well I'm still not into the swing of things yet. Is there such thing as "back to normal?" I don't know if I was even normal to begin with. So,....I'm sitting here watching my Montreal Canadians lose AGAIN to the Flyers. How I dislike them. Not like the Red Wings mind you, but I really wanted the Canadians to go to the Stanley Cup. That's really where it belongs. Those poor fans have been waiting forever since my man left there in '96. (The almighty Patrick Roy.) Anyways,....found a washing machine in the newspaper,....$75!!! Yeah, we went and got it today. Boy,...you don't realize what a pain it is having a washing machine that doesn't work properly until you get one that works right. We were having to pour buckets of water to fill the washer everytime. I was hating it. We haven't had the new one for two hours, and I'm already on my SECOND load. Nice, huh? What else? Nothing else really. Went shopping yesterday,...found some cute clothes. (So what else is new, I know.) I'm thinking of my family in Ga. non-stop. I was up til 5AM last night on Facebook reading everyone's stuff on the Memorial page. I just sat there in bed crying my eyes out. It's just so damn frustrating,- and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help ease anyone's pain up there. I just get more and more angry. I really have to go to a head dr. and talk to someone. I really do. My anger is not normal. It's starting to incapacitate me, and that's when you KNOW you have a problem. To make matters worse, my court date is coming up in a little over three weeks. Starting to think about it NOW too. Funny how different people are up there in Georgia, compared to down here in South Florida. It's like night and day. It really is. I would love to live up there. It's a totally different world. I wonder if my opinion would change if I actually lived up there for awhile. If it did, then I would know for sure it was me, and not the area. Oh well,-who knows. My man went to the gym, and little Munky is sitting outside the front door in the little screened-in area, so she can look at the bugs,frogs and lizards. (She is just so cute.) Sugar is out galivanting the neighborhood, making sure all the perimeters are secure! (At least that's what my husband and I always laughingly say!) Getting ready to cook dinner. So that's my fun, exciting night. God I'm a real ball of fire.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Short and sweet

Okay. So the last week hasn't been one of the best. But I'm really going to try to change myself and not be so bitter and hateful about 'people'. If I learned one thing from this past week, and the horrible events that led up to it, it's that some people,....ALOT of people really come thru when someone really needs help. All that stuff won't bring this family member back no matter what,....but at least we know that the immediate family involved will be taken care of in more ways than one. For real. I mean, like-for-the-rest-of-their-lives-real. I was so overwhelmed by all the response. I guess I really only see things from my evil little world,....I do know that there are ALWAYS two sides to every story,....but some people really get a raw deal,....and we won that. Yipee. Not so happily. Anyways,....I have to change,....live more for today,....be happy,....be happier. I am seriously going to make an effort. But I still want to move. We so have to move.

Oh, and P.S. It still SUCKS that my Montreal Canadians were shut out by those damn Flyers tonight. Sucks big-time.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Sorry,-death in the family,.....I'll write as soon as I can. Sad, sad, day. Sad time. How senseless,.........and it was. Write more soon.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Time is sorta on my side

I have today off from work and I can't wait to watch hockey tonight. Hope my Canadians win,(eventually,) and at all costs,-the Red Wings LOSE. I can't take another win for Detroit. I just can't. And I'm waiting very patiently for Robin Hood to come out. I am so excited, I can't wait to see it,....I've seen Russell Crowe on Jay Leno, and David Letterman, and both said the movie looked spectacular. I. Can't. Wait. I gurantee it will be ANOTHER GREAT movie from him. (As I'm watching 'A Beautiful Mind'. Just found it on HBO.) How people think he's not an unbelievable, great actor is beyond me. Anyways~ yesterday I went shopping before work, and found a dress for our upcoming Family Reunion in November. I can't wait. I'm so looking foward to it. It's one of things that has been keeping me hanging on. It will be a great getaway,.....and it will take our minds off of everything. The only thing I'm NOT looking foward to is leaving Munky and Sugar. I am scared to death of leaving them for four days. I think I'm going to get my SIL to come over and look after them. And I'm STILL scared to death. Am I normal for feeling like that? I've even thought about taking them, but I think that's too disruptive to them. They both hate riding in the car, and you know how kittehs are in a new place. So the best thing for them is to have my SIL come over and take care of them I've figured, on their on turf, right? I only want whats best for them, - believe me. Anything for them. (My husband even says I love them more than him!-lovingly.) He loves them as much as I do. So~.......nothing else really new. I'm really boring I know,....really tho, that's how uneventful our lives are, - for the exception of all our legal worries. Yeah,....sometimes I think that all these problems will never go away. And when they all do finally go away, then what do we do? Where do we go? I want to sell this house SO BAD, and get out of this neighborhood,....all these people looking down their noses at us, like we are some criminals. Makes me sick. My husband and I have really been talking about where we are going to move to when we finally sell this house. We're keeping our fingers crossed that this contract goes thru w/ our one condo down near the beach. What a big load off our minds it will be. May 28th. The closing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. And hoping it goes off w/out a hitch. Only time will tell,........only time.

Friday, April 30, 2010

What the heck is next

I'm having lotsa problems w/ my laptop and all. So if you don't see me on here it's only 'cause of the computer. Maybe it's time for a new one. I say that to my husband and he laughs and says 'No way!' He is TOTALLY computer illiterate. No concept. None. Until now,....when he finds out he can play online poker AND win real money. All of a sudden he's interested. So now I say he can have this laptop and I can get a new one, being that all he wants to do is just play poker. I've even looked around and have my eye on one already. A new HP mini laptop. I love the Ipad, but I refuse to buy something new like that in the first two years,...until they get all the kinks out. I LOVE them tho. I can't even imagine being able to carry something like that around w/ you, and having it so small and acessable to everything. I even saw on CNN news a few weeks ago that someone actually got one of their fingers pulled off, (literally) because someone grabbed his Ipad out of his hand and wouldn't let go, and he yanked the poor guys finger off. What the hell is this world coming to? Yep. Isn't that nice? For a god-bless-ed high tech toy. Absolutely ridiculous. (THATS why I HATE people.) Yep. That's me. And no one makes me think otherwise,....everyday it gets reinforced,-BELIEVE ME. Every.Single.Day.