Thursday, November 26, 2009

This is my ALL-TIME FAVORITE HOLIDAY. I LOVE Thanksgiving, what with all the family getting together, all the great food, football on TV, and all the naps you can take with no one yelling at you that you are lazy! I love it. I wish we could have Thanksgiving twice a year! We are going to my sister-in-laws house, and I am wearing special jammies that I like to wear so I can be comfortable no matter how much I eat, and then nap not feeling self-conscious. Yep. That's me. Munky and I have already had a great day spending special time together on the front door stoop looking outside early in the morning for about an hour or so. She is so cute watching all the birds, lizards, and assorted noises and sounds she's not used to. Just the wind blowing she is enthralled. So cute. She's like watching a little kid seeing all this stuff for the first time. Too cute. I adore every little twitch of her tail, movement of her eyes, and squeaks that she makes. I have so many pictures of her, you'd think she was my child. (Well she basically is.) Anyhow, I'm being thankful today for all that we have, all that we are lucky enough to be able to do, and for our health. Believe me, I'm trying not to be so mean and evil towards people. That's as close as I will come today to bringing any ugly situations up. Hope all you have a HAPPY and SAFE Thanksgiving today. Be thankful for every little thing, because I'm sure there is someone out there who doesn't even have the simplest things. Be safe, and happy,.....I am today, and I feel very priviledged.

Monday, November 23, 2009

I'm all over the place

Today is a good day so far, (it's still early.) So many things have to be done tho, I feel defeated before I even start. Saturday night we went to the 30th Annual Garlic Party in Boca Raton, (-the supposed last one,) and it didn't disappoint. Lotsa great food, dancing, entertainment, it was fun. Took our minds off of things at least for a little while. Came home and went right to sleep, and Sunday had a very quiet, relaxing day watching football, reading the paper online, and basically just doing nothing,-which is a perfect day to me. Today I woke up with my throat hurting. Not good. But,....I will try to act like I'm not sick so I (hopefully) won't get sick. (It works for my husband.) We'll see. I'm going to go thru some boxes of stuff, and maybe clean up Munky's room and put more stuff on Ebay. Just keeping ya posted. I still feel paranoid, and basically very unsettled. I want to be better sometimes, and sometimes I just don't care about anything at all. I'm so up and down it's scary. I'm sure you can tell the way I am from what I'm writing. I'm all over the place emotionally and mentally, but I'm trying sometimes. Gotta take what you can get, right?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I've been off the last two days, and what a relief it is for my emotional state. Work does help somewhat, but I am relieved when my day(s) off roll around. Got nothing done yesterday, and today we might go to my sister-in-laws for dinner. I feel like there is no end in sight sometimes when I look ahead living here. We found out that our next-door-neighbors that are like family to us are putting their house up for sale soon. That crushed me. I told my husband that that was the last straw for staying here, and without them, I cannot live here by any means. I mean really. I would feel helpless, and like we had no one. NO ONE. I will be lighting a fire under my husbands behind to finish this house, and get it on the market. I don't care what it takes. I can't stay here knowing what we know about the cops harassing us, etc. I can't. I feel vulnerable. I am really depressed. It's an effort to shower everyday, to wash my hair, to even care to get outta bed. My s.i.l. (sister-in-law) is pushing for me to see a dr. of some kind, and I think I will, because I am just getting worse and worse about everything. And my meaness towards people and the way I think about them gets worse and worse everyday. I really need to be around animals. Munky is my little savior. I relish the time I spend with her, and love when we play, go for walks, and nap together. She's what is getting me thru everyday. Really.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

One step at a time

The last few days have been hell legally, -but it's over for a couple of months,until the next court day,(in Jan.) At least it's after the holidays, and I don't have to think about it for awhile. I have been selling stuff slow but sure on eBay, and having fun with it. Munky has been my little savior for happiness. She is my joy, husband and I have so much fun with her every night. (We barely need a TV!!!) Sugar is still his little mean self, but when he lets me, and when he finally does decide to show up here, we feed him, and give him as much attention as he will let us. I try to spend time with him outside, but even outside, he wants nothing to do with me and hisses and growls. So we keep trying, and trying. We don't have to decide anything with him until we finally move, so that may be a little while yet. I won't stop trying with him tho, -even if he ends up attacking me one day, I still love him far too much. Work has been gruelling and with the holidays coming up, there is no end in sight. More hours, more work, more everything. It will help tho, I'm not complaining, (I'm counting myself lucky.) The lady who I once told ya'll about with the Guiness Book of Records Great Dane,....well, she just got two new G.D. puppies, and OMG, are they the most beautiful little teddy bears,...she brought them in for me to see last Sunday at work, and I swear I almost cried. I held one, and she was the sweetest thing. She got a harlequin with one blue eye, and one green eye, and a pure black one, and that one is so loving and affectionate it's unbelievable. They really are like infant babies,....I am so in love with them. They are totally amazing to me. SOOO,...nothing else new here with me,.....still have boxes up to the ceilings here, and hopefully in the next few weeks, my sister-in-law will help me sort thru everything and figure out what to do with all this "stuff". Wow,'s really overwhelming. I've been coming home from work, and I just start to cry when I see it all. It's just too much. I can't wait to get rid of some of it. I've been lurking around the web when I'm up late and can't sleep, and, I've been getting on Facebook, and ended up finding one of best friends from Coconut Grove on there and we got in touch and met at a resturante halfway between the two of us, and we have been emailing and calling each other ever since. I never had a friend like her, and I've missed her so much. It's been great getting back in touch with her, and catching-up. SO,....that's about it for me,...I will be watching the Country Music Awards this Weds. night to see if my faves (Toby Keith, and Jamey Johnson) win anything,....I gotta have short plans, day at a time, that's all I can do.

Monday, November 2, 2009

One of the reasons I HATE people

Right this minute everything feels okay. I wish I always felt like this. My husband is napping next to me, Munky is laying next to me watching TV, and I'm on here. It's so nice and comforting when I feel like this,......I wish I never had to leave home,....even tho I don't always feel like that either. I'm not totally comfortable anywhere I'm at anymore. I still love this house,-our home,- but it's just not like it was before everything happened once again. Everyday I get up and have to make myself care about getting things done, cleaning the house, and even getting in the shower. I've never been this uncaring about myself in my entire life. It's awful. I'm just not at ease no matter what anymore,-that much is clear. My sister-in-law has been everything to me and my husband helping us get thru all this nightmare which started 15 months ago, and still hasn't ended. I now know and understand my problems as to why I like to shop the way I do. I don't drink, do drugs, or even swear, but my one big achilles heel is shopping. And I know why I do it, compensate for the way I feel about whats going on in my life. In the beginning it was because of my phobias, and anxiety, and not wanting to be alone,-physically,- now it's my nerves, and feelings of always being harassed/watched/ by police. I can't wait to get outta this house and neighborhood,'s just so damn depressing, I always thought this house would be home,...and we would live happily ever after. NOW,....not so much. And my outlook about people has gotten worse and worse everyday. I hate 'em all, I really do, kittys are the best thing in my life except for my husband and family. People never cease to amaze me at how mean, deceiving, and rotten they can be. I am not a fan. I need to be around animals somehow. I need to make a negative a positive in my life, because if I go on like this, all this hatred will eat me alive somehow. It really will. And if I ever get outta this mess of life we got into here, I have to turn it around and be positive in some sort of way. Something has to give,.....I just hope its not me.