Saturday, May 29, 2010

What now?

Well, my computer is still acting up, so that's the reason for the weird picture placement and then this. Yeah, I don't know. All I know is that the condo is FINALLY sold! I couldn't be more relieved. I mean really. We took a giant loss, but it's better than us still losing money, which is what we would be doing right now if it weren't sold. (Heavy sigh.) So, thing on our agenda is to finish every single bit of the house we are living in and put THAT up for sale. Then we will see, but I'll worry about that then, - I have to worry about NOW,...and getting the details in this house done. We have two bathrooms to do entirely, and some minute details around the house to do, and then this one is next! Whew,...I'm tired already just thinking about it. I won't miss this place tho. I won't. Not the ugly things that happened here. All of it is like a bad dream,...sometimes it feels like it just happened, and other times it feels like a million years ago. I'm just not the same person anymore. My husband and I have aged 20 years in the last three. I swear, you'd never believe we were the same people if you saw us than and now. I have really cut off all ties with everyone when it all happened to us. I just couldn't take the pressure, the explaining, the having to hold up and put a smile on my face,...I just couldn't do it. I couldn't even get outta bed. I still barely can. The last three years I stopped working-out for the first time since I was 20 years old. (That's 22 years!) I feel like a fat slob now,....I mean I just can't seem to get into the swing of things THREE YEARS LATER EVEN. I think of my niece who just lost her husband, and has two small kids, and I don't know how she even faces it everyday. My heart hurts for her so bad, makes me physically ill sometimes. And yeah, I'm still working on finding a psychiatrist for myself,....I feel that feeble. THAT'S the perfect word to describe how I feel almost everyday. I wanna know when I'm going to snap outta this and start living my life again. What if I died tomorrow? What a waste. My husband is doing the same thing,....except he is still working-out, but having alot of problems physically. He's in unbelievable shape still, but lifting weights for as long as he has is starting to damage his joints, and closing in on 50, he's starting to feel the wear-n-tear. (That's 38 years of steady weight-lifting. Trust me,...he's in some pain.) SO~here we are! I just have to start up again, weight-lifting, yoga, cardio, I really enjoyed how it made me feel, and how I felt so healthy. I feel like it's all gone by the wayside,...but I hope I can get it back soon. Other than that,...nothing else new. Still looking at new computers. Need a new printer. Need a new life. Anything else?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I wanna be a kitteh

I feel like I'm starting to implode. Too much pressure. Do you ever feel like that? I came home from an easy day at work, and continued trying to get on here,(the computer.) My computer keeps going down. I don't know what's wrong with it, but I have to have someone look at it. I don't even know how I got it back working. Oh well. One good thing for right now. I couldn't even take Munky out for a walk, - I was just too wound up. (She's not very happy with me right now. Poor little peanut.) I'll try to make it up to her tomorrow night. So,....the closing is this Friday, and I've been running around like a crazy person! Doing all sorts of things. There's always one more thing that has to be done it seems. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I swear it. Anyhow~I will feel alot better once this closing is done Friday. (And then of course we have my court date next. Oh yipee.) Tomorrow I have an 8:30AM dermatoligist appt. because the skin on my fingertips and the soles of my feet keep cracking open and bleeding. It IS as painful as it sounds. I've barely kept it under control,...and I've finally made a dr.'s appt. I showed it to my regular physician and she told me it was stress, nice. Let's see what a dermatoligist says. Isn't that all wonderful to know? So many little things that just all add up. So needless to say, tomorrow is going to be a llllooonnnggg day for me,....too long. But I will have Friday and Sunday off tho. Thank goodness. I'm starting to think I wish this whole damn month should just get over. Please. I just can't take it. I want to just cuddle with the kittehs and not leave the house or bedroom for that matter. Why couldn't I be a kitteh? Why-oh-why?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Thank you.

A nice day off today. Already talked to my mom,....cleaned the pool, took Munky out, fed Sugar-Man, watching hockey, and getting ready to go to my SIL for dinner and watch "Breaking Bad" tonight. I have tomorrow off too. The closing for the condo is this coming Friday. I'm nervous. I just want everything to go thru w/ no problems. (That's about as unlikely as pigs flying or me having good luck. Never happen.) Anyways,....still thinking and worrying about impending court date. Starting to have bad dreams about it. This is how I start to make myself sick. Am I abnormal to be like this? Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. My nephew got a tribute tatoo I just saw on Facebook. My family up in Georgia will be hurting for a very long time. It hurts my heart to know my family is feeling like that, and there is nothing I can do to make it better. Frustrating. I think I'm going to try to plan another trip up there, to help out and take some stress off my brother and SIL,....I'm so worried about them both. Too much stress. My brother is taking all this extremely hard and that worries me. I have to talk with my sister to see when she is going up there. Maybe I'll tag-along. ANYWAYS~ enough sad talk. Thanks for always letting me be,....writing on here helps me so much, believe it or not. I think I get alot of "stuff" off my chest. I wish I could always be light-hearted and funny like all these other great blogs, but this is my life, and I have to let some of it out someway, somehow. Just wanna say I appreciate anyone who reads this. It helps.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Are you really kidding me?

Had a weird day today. This whole week, the president of the condo. ass. where we are selling our condo in eight days, has been bugging me about 'this-that-and-the-other' all damn week! Eight days before closing, and he's telling me we have to get the washer and dryer outta there or the buyers won't be approved by the board! ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME???? REALLY??? So, I leave early this morning before work, and meet these people who want the w/d, and I told them if they can just take it out, they can have it. Yep. So there we are, three people early in the morning, trying, and I repeat 'trying' to unhook the w/d, and FINALLY, we got it down the two short flights of stairs, and loaded into their truck. What a relief. I then proceed to let the Condo-Cammando-president know that the w/d are outta there, and he gives me ANOTHER list of things I have to do BEFORE closing next Friday. Again,.....ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME!!?? I am going to strangle this guy, I mean really,....but you'd be proud, I smiled politely and asked if there was "absolutely anything else I need to do and/or know about to do before closing NEXT FREAKIN' FRIDAY?!" He just walked away shaking his head "no". How nice of him. Wasn't that sweet? Freakin' roses. Coming up roses, I am.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Normal or not, here I am

Well I'm still not into the swing of things yet. Is there such thing as "back to normal?" I don't know if I was even normal to begin with. So,....I'm sitting here watching my Montreal Canadians lose AGAIN to the Flyers. How I dislike them. Not like the Red Wings mind you, but I really wanted the Canadians to go to the Stanley Cup. That's really where it belongs. Those poor fans have been waiting forever since my man left there in '96. (The almighty Patrick Roy.) Anyways,....found a washing machine in the newspaper,....$75!!! Yeah, we went and got it today. Boy, don't realize what a pain it is having a washing machine that doesn't work properly until you get one that works right. We were having to pour buckets of water to fill the washer everytime. I was hating it. We haven't had the new one for two hours, and I'm already on my SECOND load. Nice, huh? What else? Nothing else really. Went shopping yesterday,...found some cute clothes. (So what else is new, I know.) I'm thinking of my family in Ga. non-stop. I was up til 5AM last night on Facebook reading everyone's stuff on the Memorial page. I just sat there in bed crying my eyes out. It's just so damn frustrating,- and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help ease anyone's pain up there. I just get more and more angry. I really have to go to a head dr. and talk to someone. I really do. My anger is not normal. It's starting to incapacitate me, and that's when you KNOW you have a problem. To make matters worse, my court date is coming up in a little over three weeks. Starting to think about it NOW too. Funny how different people are up there in Georgia, compared to down here in South Florida. It's like night and day. It really is. I would love to live up there. It's a totally different world. I wonder if my opinion would change if I actually lived up there for awhile. If it did, then I would know for sure it was me, and not the area. Oh well,-who knows. My man went to the gym, and little Munky is sitting outside the front door in the little screened-in area, so she can look at the bugs,frogs and lizards. (She is just so cute.) Sugar is out galivanting the neighborhood, making sure all the perimeters are secure! (At least that's what my husband and I always laughingly say!) Getting ready to cook dinner. So that's my fun, exciting night. God I'm a real ball of fire.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Short and sweet

Okay. So the last week hasn't been one of the best. But I'm really going to try to change myself and not be so bitter and hateful about 'people'. If I learned one thing from this past week, and the horrible events that led up to it, it's that some people,....ALOT of people really come thru when someone really needs help. All that stuff won't bring this family member back no matter what,....but at least we know that the immediate family involved will be taken care of in more ways than one. For real. I mean, like-for-the-rest-of-their-lives-real. I was so overwhelmed by all the response. I guess I really only see things from my evil little world,....I do know that there are ALWAYS two sides to every story,....but some people really get a raw deal,....and we won that. Yipee. Not so happily. Anyways,....I have to change, more for today, happy, happier. I am seriously going to make an effort. But I still want to move. We so have to move.

Oh, and P.S. It still SUCKS that my Montreal Canadians were shut out by those damn Flyers tonight. Sucks big-time.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Sorry,-death in the family,.....I'll write as soon as I can. Sad, sad, day. Sad time. How senseless,.........and it was. Write more soon.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Time is sorta on my side

I have today off from work and I can't wait to watch hockey tonight. Hope my Canadians win,(eventually,) and at all costs,-the Red Wings LOSE. I can't take another win for Detroit. I just can't. And I'm waiting very patiently for Robin Hood to come out. I am so excited, I can't wait to see it,....I've seen Russell Crowe on Jay Leno, and David Letterman, and both said the movie looked spectacular. I. Can't. Wait. I gurantee it will be ANOTHER GREAT movie from him. (As I'm watching 'A Beautiful Mind'. Just found it on HBO.) How people think he's not an unbelievable, great actor is beyond me. Anyways~ yesterday I went shopping before work, and found a dress for our upcoming Family Reunion in November. I can't wait. I'm so looking foward to it. It's one of things that has been keeping me hanging on. It will be a great getaway,.....and it will take our minds off of everything. The only thing I'm NOT looking foward to is leaving Munky and Sugar. I am scared to death of leaving them for four days. I think I'm going to get my SIL to come over and look after them. And I'm STILL scared to death. Am I normal for feeling like that? I've even thought about taking them, but I think that's too disruptive to them. They both hate riding in the car, and you know how kittehs are in a new place. So the best thing for them is to have my SIL come over and take care of them I've figured, on their on turf, right? I only want whats best for them, - believe me. Anything for them. (My husband even says I love them more than him!-lovingly.) He loves them as much as I do. So~.......nothing else really new. I'm really boring I know,....really tho, that's how uneventful our lives are, - for the exception of all our legal worries. Yeah,....sometimes I think that all these problems will never go away. And when they all do finally go away, then what do we do? Where do we go? I want to sell this house SO BAD, and get out of this neighborhood,....all these people looking down their noses at us, like we are some criminals. Makes me sick. My husband and I have really been talking about where we are going to move to when we finally sell this house. We're keeping our fingers crossed that this contract goes thru w/ our one condo down near the beach. What a big load off our minds it will be. May 28th. The closing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. And hoping it goes off w/out a hitch. Only time will tell,........only time.