Still in my depression. The only thing that made today different was going out with Munky for a walk, which was absolutely wonderful. The birds, ducks, lizards, frogs,...it was Wonderland for her, and she was in total heaven! We were outside for almost 3 hours,-it was great. Nothing else new,....I had to check in here. The Boston Marathon bombing really shook me up. Scared me beyond belief. This world is such a crazy place. I'm not so sure I'm wrong in how I feel about it, BUT,...people sure came thru when they were needed most on that day. It's a true miracle only 3 people died.(AND I DON'T TAKE THAT THREE LIGHTLY EITHER.) I'm just trying to understand the WHY of it all, along with millions of others. My husband grew-up in Ipswich, Mass.,....and ever since going to two of his high school reunions, I've wanted to move up there. It is like another world. The people are so wonderful, and friendly to each other,...the food and restaurants are absolutely AMAZING,....and the history, the beaches, Boston shopping, not to mention the Red Sox, Fenway Park, and my favorite sport-the Boston Bruins,....all unbelievably spectacular. I couldn't get enough. I honestly would have moved up there 15 years ago if my hubby had said OK. I've never seen the change of seasons like the little bit I did when I was there, and it was like nothing I had ever seen before. GORGEOUS. The down side? Every single person my husband went to school/college with all had degrees and no one could get a job. They all worked blue collar jobs to just work. That sucked to hear. I mean actual lawyers driving Frito Lay trucks doing deliveries just for a job doesn't cut it. So yeah. We never moved up there. So the Boston Marathon bombing was quite a shock and thankfully everyone we know up there are all accounted for. Good bless the people up there, all who were involved, there, and who helped when it counted. Boston Strong. That's how they are. They won't ever back down. They never stop. They never surrender. BostonStrong. (Wish I was one of them.)
I'm off today and I'm relieved. Work is nothing near like it used to be, but I still love my days off. I get to sit home like my husband and do whatever I want. Right now he's napping,and I'm watching one of my favorite movies,(The Parent Trap with Lindsay Lohan. This is BEFORE she gets all weird looking and screwed up,) and I'm on here writing. Things are being taken one day at a time. (If it were up to my husband, we'd take it all one moment at a time, which we actually do, thats why we aren't getting anything done around this house to move.) Tomorrow I get paid and I'll be going to the bookstore to buy another french book, and making a payment on this beautiful turquoise and diamond ring I found on EBay. Yeah,.....this is my boring little life. This is short and sweet,...(like I am and try to be.)
So I'm still blanketed in depression. My doctor has added another prescription in addition to the other one I take for depression and anxiety,....and we will see if I can dig my way out yet. I can't seem to totally get back to where I was before everything happened. Will I ever go back to the gym and LOVE and ADORE it like I used to? Will I ever be the same person again? I have to face facts,.....ya know? I feel like I've lost my memory, and I'm starting over or something. Still doing nothing to this house to get outta here. My husband is as bad as I am, except he's NOT working and/or getting outta the house five days a week. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I'll tell ya one thing,.....I get jealous as hell that he stays home, and naps all day, and stays up all night,.....me?,.....I have to go by my work schedule, and I get aggravated. I don't and won't start fights about it, but it does bother me. Anyhow,....still eBay-ing, and found some beautiful stuff on there,...and tons more just waiting for me to snatch up! Boy,- if I really had money, I'd be dangerous. (Famous last words,...I know.) Anyways!~ I've also found this show called L.A.Frock Stars on a station called Smithsonian, and it's about the owner of (my favorite-never-been-to-store-that-I-covet-and-dieing-to-go-to-one-day,) The Way We Wore,-it's in L.A. This show is like my dream come true. I swear to you, I LOVE this show. I love the store, the owner, the clothes,....I wish I'd thought of it. I'd love to shop there one day. So yeah,.....the way I was. This is me now I guess in more ways than one. How sad.
I haven't been here in waaaayyy too long. I'm still severely depressed, and trying to climb my way out of it. I just started working-out again, and I'm trying to get my head back in the game. It's hard. How do people do this when things get to be too much? I just don't know how. I mean, like I've always said,...I know I'm way luckier than most,(financially,) and it's just me and my husband,....so why is it so damn hard? Life. I'm trying,...we're trying, but we are still just treading water. Ridiculous. It's just plain sad I tell ya. I'm Pinterest-ing my life away, and eBay-ing, and all the other stuff I love to do on the computer that I don't have to interact with people. I'm sitting here watching hockey,(Panthers and Penguins,) and my husband is at the gym,...and I already took Munky out for her walk. She had so much fun. She loves to just sit in the grass and feel the breeze and look around. She's so beautiful to watch. Sugar hasn't been by much because of the big mean tomcat that terrorizes the other kittehs here all the time. I'm so fed up with him. I NEED to find his owner and ask why he hasn't been fixed. He is a bully and TERRORIZES everything in his path. It's sad. I have to take Munky for her walk with a water gun, my cellphone, and have both our front door and back door unlocked for quick getaways for Munky. She sees or hears him and she wants in. She wants no part of that little as*%&le beating her up again. I will not let him get his mitts on her ever again. Short of hurting him which I would never do to any animal,....I just have to prevent drama before it happens, and squirting him with a water gun is a start. Anyways,.....enough kitteh drama,...but that's all that's going on in my life right now. Yep,....pretty damn boring.
I haven't posted in a while. I'm depressed again,...not working-out,....and just plain ole` feeling crappy about life and everything else. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. Every single thing is a huge obstacle for me. Work,....paying a bill,...going to the grocery store,...cooking dinner,.....I just don't get it. EVERY DAMN THING IS JUST SO HARD. My husband has been in a state of allergies like I've never seen before. It's actually paralyzing him,....maybe that has something to do with it,- I don't know. I just DO know that we are getting nothing done, and having no fun at all. We sleep our days away, and stay in the house for days at a time. It's very unhealthy,- I know. I'm trying again to climb back out of it, but it's hard and I have no ambition to do it. None. And I can't seem to get it thru my husband's pollen-filled head that it's this house and this neighborhood, and just being here still that's bringing me down. He just keeps saying for us to make the best of it. Yea,-right. Too hard for me. Too hard. No can do. So now you know why I'm not posting and have no fun news to tell ya about. Nothing. Sorry.
Just a normal week for me. I finally get two days off, and I have to get up early to take my car in. That's just wonderful. Life's little games. I did, and than I went to the mall and walked around,...nothing screamed to come home with me,...and finally came home and fell asleep on the couch. Did NOTHING alllll day. Even went out and got subs for dinner. I'm just tired. I have to get going back to the gym.That bronchitis kicked my butt. I'm back to not wanting or feeling like working out. I wanna stay home and nap on the couch with the computer and kitteh. I don't know. Anyways~ my mom is hanging in there. She has been sick too,...so I know that's not helping her much right now. She's still not driving either. I mean I don't want her to, but she's gotta really work at trying to get her motor skills and speaking back. I mean I guess she doesn't have to, but if she wants her life back to the way it was, she's going to have to work a lot harder. I have to see how this will work out I guess. At least my one brother and sister are both up there to watch over her. Meanwhile,...we still have done NOTHING to this house to get it up for sale. This can't be that hard,....I mean really? I'm just a little behind in my getting back to normal phase I had set up in head for this year. I was hoping we'd be out of here by July,...(happy birthday to me!), but it's not looking that way at all. One of my closest neighbor friends just sold her house, packed up, and moved in less than 3 months! I'm so happy for her, because she couldn't wait to get outta here too, but I miss her horribly. Sometimes its just nice knowing someone's there, ya know? And she loved animals like I do. I really do miss her, but I know she'll be so much better off and happier in her new place,....so good for her. Soooooo,...that's all in my little (boring) world. It's better off this way, trust me.
So work is kicking my butt even tho all the holidays are over. (Thank you God.) I've been trying to get back to normal, and BAM! as soon as I do, between my mom having that stroke, and than me coming down with bronchitis, it hasn't been very fun the last few weeks. I'm still taking the last of three antibiotics I was given by the doctor. (But at least I caught it somewhat early.) So I decided and told my husband tonight that Monday I will start back at the gym. I have to do a solid few months at least to see any change that I can really notice. I was just starting to see little changes in myself from the last few months of working out, but since Thanksgiving and this week I worked out only one solid week. That SUCKS. I'll get back into it tho. Today I worked a long day, and I work tomorrow and Sunday, but have Monday and Tuesday off. I have to bring my car in Monday morning to have my tires aligned. I feel like I can never get ahead. I've also decided to start saving up to get a Keurig coffee maker. A nice one. And now that Target is matching prices from Amazon I'm sure I can get a great deal. Nothing else new really. Our 23rd anniversary is coming up on Jan. 21st. 23 YEARS! Whew,....it's been a ride. I hope we do something fun to celebrate. My aunt and uncle are down from Sag Harbor, and they just celebrated their 50th. When my hubby and I can say that, I'll really be happy. I take a lot of pride in how long we've been together, and the fact they we are still happy and love each other, and actually like each other still. I think a lot of people make that mistake. They love each other, but don't really like each other. I mean my husband and I have our moments like anyone else,...but we do like watching movies, or our shows,...and we "get" the same things. I mean, we genuinely get along and have fun a lot of the time just doing nothing. I don't think it should be any other way really, but that's just me. We have some neighbors that are so busy in their own lives that don't even know whats going on with the other. I mean that's like a recipe for disaster if you ask me. Yeah,...time for me to go. I don't need to be concerning myself with other peoples problems,...I have enough of my own to contend with.
Just got home from work and I'm watching Sex and the City. I so LOVE this show. I NEVER get sick of it. I love the story of Carrie and Big,...it reminds me of my husband and I, and the breaking up after 13 years, and getting back together and him finally realizing that he wanted to marry me. Soooo us. It makes me realize how lucky I am that we have a happy ending to our love story. I'm so proud of us both,- of finding each other again, and getting back together,...and really making it work. It wasn't easy, I can tell you that. It really wasn't. There was some very bumpy times. I almost thought we wouldn't make it, but we have, and we're BOTH HAPPY, and I couldn't ask for, or ever find a better man than him. He really is my knight in shining armor, my hero, my everything. After 23 years,(this Jan.21st!,) I still miss him when he's not around,...or out playing poker,....I smile as soon as he walks thru the door,...I just love him, and actually like him too. That says a lot. He's known my parents, my father,(who died in '94,) and I knew his parents, (who died in '98, and 2001.) We've been thru SO MUCH together it's scary. I don't know if I could honestly be with anyone else. I mean I tried when we split up,...and it was hard,(very hard,) but believe it or not,...the guy I dated, actually asked me to marry him (with a ring and everything,) and I said no. I honestly couldn't see myself being married to anyone but my Bear. For real. I would've ended up alone than marry someone other than my Bear. I knew he was the one. (As they say on SATC.) Eventually I want to get a tattoo that says; Meant to be,....but in french. That's what I want. Maybe in that white ink that I keep seeing on Pinterest. I LOVE those tattoos. Or some sorta watercolor thingy,...I don't know. We were/are MEANT TO BE. We are. No relationship is perfect, I know this, and my Bear and I are NOT. We have our fights, and our petty, stupid, little disagreements, but he's always MY BEAR.