It's a little past 5am, and I can't sleep. I'm sitting here with Munky, and we are watching TV,....(my hubby is at the casino,....at least he's doing something that's fun to him.) I have the next two days off, and I'm very happy about it,-but when I do nothing, I feel like I've wasted them. I don't know,....I feel like I should be getting something done, but what I don't know. I'm still feeling very guilty about losing contact with all my friends. Ever since everything has happened, I have just dropped off the side of the earth. I talk to no one, I see no one, and have no contact at all. It just seems too hard for me and I think about it everyday. One of my best friends I haven't kept in touch with for almost 22 months now. Sad, isn't it? I know. I should call or even email, but I just don't want to have to deal with anything, or questions, or anyone asking to see me and/or hangout. I just don't want to. I look and feel so bad, I just hate the thought of her (them) thinking how bad and awful I look and am now. Because I AM! I'm hateful, mean, and angry now. And I just don't care about anything or anyone anymore. (Except husband, family, and kitties.) I don't care. I know I just contradicted myself,-feeling bad that I'm not staying in touch with anybody, and on the other hand,- saying I don't care. (THAT'S how screwed up in the head I am. Calling all doctors!) Let's see,....besides the kitties, American Idol has been keeping my occupied. I'm really liking that Andrew Garcia guy. Olympic hockey is making me somewhat happy also. (I want Canada to win some sorta gold in hockey tho.) And of course,....Ebaying. ALWAYS makes me happy. I love getting great deals. It's like heaven to me. I will forever be an Ebay Girl. Yep. SO,.....yeah, I'm pretty boring right now. Sorry. That's about it. I'm just laying low.
No Way Jose
1 month ago