Saturday, May 29, 2010

What now?

Well, my computer is still acting up, so that's the reason for the weird picture placement and then this. Yeah, I don't know. All I know is that the condo is FINALLY sold! I couldn't be more relieved. I mean really. We took a giant loss, but it's better than us still losing money, which is what we would be doing right now if it weren't sold. (Heavy sigh.) So, thing on our agenda is to finish every single bit of the house we are living in and put THAT up for sale. Then we will see, but I'll worry about that then, - I have to worry about NOW,...and getting the details in this house done. We have two bathrooms to do entirely, and some minute details around the house to do, and then this one is next! Whew,...I'm tired already just thinking about it. I won't miss this place tho. I won't. Not the ugly things that happened here. All of it is like a bad dream,...sometimes it feels like it just happened, and other times it feels like a million years ago. I'm just not the same person anymore. My husband and I have aged 20 years in the last three. I swear, you'd never believe we were the same people if you saw us than and now. I have really cut off all ties with everyone when it all happened to us. I just couldn't take the pressure, the explaining, the having to hold up and put a smile on my face,...I just couldn't do it. I couldn't even get outta bed. I still barely can. The last three years I stopped working-out for the first time since I was 20 years old. (That's 22 years!) I feel like a fat slob now,....I mean I just can't seem to get into the swing of things THREE YEARS LATER EVEN. I think of my niece who just lost her husband, and has two small kids, and I don't know how she even faces it everyday. My heart hurts for her so bad, makes me physically ill sometimes. And yeah, I'm still working on finding a psychiatrist for myself,....I feel that feeble. THAT'S the perfect word to describe how I feel almost everyday. I wanna know when I'm going to snap outta this and start living my life again. What if I died tomorrow? What a waste. My husband is doing the same thing,....except he is still working-out, but having alot of problems physically. He's in unbelievable shape still, but lifting weights for as long as he has is starting to damage his joints, and closing in on 50, he's starting to feel the wear-n-tear. (That's 38 years of steady weight-lifting. Trust me,...he's in some pain.) SO~here we are! I just have to start up again, weight-lifting, yoga, cardio, I really enjoyed how it made me feel, and how I felt so healthy. I feel like it's all gone by the wayside,...but I hope I can get it back soon. Other than that,...nothing else new. Still looking at new computers. Need a new printer. Need a new life. Anything else?

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