Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I've been off the last two days, and what a relief it is for my emotional state. Work does help somewhat, but I am relieved when my day(s) off roll around. Got nothing done yesterday, and today we might go to my sister-in-laws for dinner. I feel like there is no end in sight sometimes when I look ahead living here. We found out that our next-door-neighbors that are like family to us are putting their house up for sale soon. That crushed me. I told my husband that that was the last straw for staying here, and without them, I cannot live here by any means. I mean really. I would feel helpless, and like we had no one. NO ONE. I will be lighting a fire under my husbands behind to finish this house, and get it on the market. I don't care what it takes. I can't stay here knowing what we know about the cops harassing us, etc. I can't. I feel vulnerable. I am really depressed. It's an effort to shower everyday, to wash my hair, to even care to get outta bed. My s.i.l. (sister-in-law) is pushing for me to see a dr. of some kind, and I think I will, because I am just getting worse and worse about everything. And my meaness towards people and the way I think about them gets worse and worse everyday. I really need to be around animals. Munky is my little savior. I relish the time I spend with her, and love when we play, go for walks, and nap together. She's what is getting me thru everyday. Really.

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