Monday, June 21, 2010

Full blown panick mode

Well, I've hardly slept, and I'm really going into panick-mode thinking about Thursday's court date. I can't stop thinking about having to be on probation. Thing's like that I thought I'd never have to be involved in or think about. I don't mean to make it sound like it's below me, because believe me, I don't think like that, I just thought I'd never be in this situation. I never knew this even existed. Well welcome me into the real world I guess. Damn. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to the THOUGHT of it all even. I guess I'm worrying for nothing, because this is getting nothing done really,.....jeez. I have to remember that everyone can't see into my life, and they aren't judging me, (altho I do live in So.FL. and that does happen everyday, just for different reasons; not the right bag, or clothes, or whatever!) Ummm,....yeah, I'm in full-blown panick mode now, and I can't help it. I want to get on eBay, but I'm not going to. I can't keep feeding my panick modes by shopping or spending money that I partly don't have and/or shouldn't be spending. (Believe me, I know how lucky I am to even be able to feed this stupid habit.) I really need to get going on getting to a psychiatrist, or head dr. I just need to do something to help myself instead of wallowing in it. All the shoes, handbags, and clothing won't cure me,...and I know that, but I just keep going, and I have to figure out other ways to vent, or let out my whatever-it-is that does this to me. At least I'm one step ahead of the game and can admit I have a huge problem, and I want to help myself stop, right? Right? I'm telling myself yes. Yes to all. And I do know everyone deals with things in different ways,....everyone. So, in that respect, I shouldn't beat myself up too, too much like I have been. But I know what I have to do, and I will do whatever it takes. I have to.

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