Sunday, August 1, 2010

Is this really me?

It's Sunday, and I have today and tomorrow off. THAT makes me happy. Made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner tonight. Thinking about going to the movies,....Munky is trying to convince me otherwise. (She wants to go outside for a walk in the worst way. It's been so rainy here tho, I won't take her.) Besides,....last time we went out she caught a baby frog,(in her mouth,) and you shoulda seen me trying to get it out without hurting the little guy. I gave Munky a 30 minute speech about how frogs are good to have in our yard,(like she can really understand me! It made ME feel better.) At least the little guy hopped away,(maybe a little shaken,-but alive.) I just can't reward her for trying to kill our little frenchies.(That's what I call frogs.) So yeah, I haven't taken her outside since. I was too traumitized. What else,....I somehow convinced Paypal to let my pymt. go thru for that Fendi bag at least, so NO negative feedback. I'm glad for that at least, but my bank account is still frozen, and hacked into, and there is nothing I can do about it short of changing banks, which I guess I will have to do now. This is just crazy that I can't get to my own money because of all the hacking into my bank account. Just frustrating. VERY frustrating in fact,...but I know there is no sense in getting aggravated because it will accomplish nothing at all! Right? Right. I've been looking at YouTube for instructional videos on how to do my hair in a high ponytail with the bump in it. Nothing I try works,....I can never get that JessicaSimpson/JenniferLopez/RachelBilson ponytail look, and I love that look. Why do some things come so easy to some and so hard to others? (And I certainly don't just mean hair and make-up either.) Even myself, I know to the outsider I look like I have the dream life, (for the exception of working,).....but it seems like it all is so hard, and when you really need something to go easy and right, it doesn't, believe me! Not for us at least. Maybe after all these legalities are over and done with, THEN things will be more idyllic for us and me,......but until then,-NOT A CHANCE, matter how many designer bags I get to buy. I just don't know about this world. So many things I just don't understand, or agree with. I hate that there is nothing I can do to make a difference, I can try and try,....but nothing changes anything. On Facebook Saturday and found out that one of the nicest guys that I worked with in the Grove when I bartended passed away last week. He had cancer,...and apparently fought until the very end. Hardly anyone knew from the looks of his FB page. Sad. Very sad, and I will never understand it. Never. Just makes me more angry and bitter, and hateful. Isn't that horrible? I'm turning into 'one of those people.' I really am. It scares me, when I try to look at myself from the outside. And as an adult. I never wanted to be this kind of person. Never, but now I am. I guess I am. Am I really? Oh ick. I'm hating the person I've become.

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