Monday, February 23, 2009

Face your Fears, You WON'T regret it

Just read on another blog about someone not being able to do anything alone. Got me to thinking,.......I used to be like that. I mean I really was like that in a 'very bad' way. I was so scared of everything. Honest. I mean, at the time,...I was bartending at a job that I knew backwards, and fowards, up and down, could do w/ my eyes shut, and there I was in my element. Take me out of there, and I was a frightened little child. And believe me,...I could get into it w/ the best of these people; drunk old men, attitude-y, young girls, friends of the owners who felt entitled, name it, nothing got TO me or BY me,....and one day, boyfriend (at the time, of 14 years,)decided to leave me for his ex-wife,...and just caught a plane and left for three months. Yep,....I was stunned. (Trust me on this.) At the time, I could'nt even DRIVE BY MYSELF,(and I literally lived 4 minutes away from work.) I was a mess just trying to get in to the car. Well, make a long,(sad,) story short, (and happy) again,.....after 2 years apart,....we got back together, and we are married, (and seemingly, the positions in our relationship have reversed.) When he left,....I had to move out and LIVE ALONE for the first time in my life, and I was 38 years old!!!!! After one horrid, asshole guy I fell for, and one boyfriend,~who to this day is one of the best guys I ever dated,~ was done,....I learned to live totally alone, alone,....go to restaurants and/or meet friends at a bar alone, (I am always early,) and sleep alone,....VERY LONG, HARD process this was. Thank God for my mom and sister, and three close friends who really helped me out almost every single day, and every single night. It was so TORTOREOUS (?spelling?)for me, I was scared of my own shadow. But I did it, and after my (now) husband came back and we struggled to work things out,....we are both VERY HAPPY together,....we have hashed it out. Now I don't want the point of this to be my then boyfriend,(now husband) leaving me,'s the being alone part that I'm trying to tell ya about. You really have to take baby steps with this. And each step will make you that much more confident, and stronger, I go anywhere, and do anything by myself. I think my husband is a little nervous about me being like that,...but he lets me go do whatever, when I feel like it, and vice-versa,....we have a great relationship, and always did,....even when we weren't together,....but the point is,....sometimes you HAVE to make yourself face your fears, and you'll see it's not that scary. I was FORCED to face my fears, and I wouldn't trade one second of pain or scared-ness I went thru,....NOT ONE,.....because it made me who I am right now. And I am happy with who I am right now,-more so than ever. Honest.

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