Than what?

So the Boston Bruins won again tonight!!! Yay us, and hottie, and AWESOME goalie Tim Thomas. Yay. Anyways,-didn't go into work today,....long couple o' days,-that's all I gotta say. Took Munky for a walk after Munky and Sugar took a long nap together in our bed,...and I did some cardio, and my husband went to the gym,.....going to work tomorrow,and I'm already off on Friday, and I work Sat., Sun., and Mon. LONGGGG weekend. That's okay,...after this Sunday, I'm off for a month of Sundays. That sounds so nice. At least I'm promised that. (I better be.) Anywho~ I haven't bought anything in the last few days, but I've sure thought about it. I just put a bid on a Dooney bag on Ebay, and I donated a little bit to the Panther Conservation Center in Wellington, FL. I had to. I got on the website and saw all on there and wished it was me that did all that. (My husband thinks I need to concentrate on domestic kittehs instead on exotic cats,)....I guess thats what needs help the most. I mean, the No-Kill Revolution is trying. I just need someone to tell me to do this or that to help,....I need EASY instructions, and that's all. Am I wrong? I really do wanna help,....I do. I just need something easy to strive for. And that is it. NO-KILL. My eBay selling has come to a fast halt. Sold about ten things for over $500, and now NOTHING. Nothing. What's up with that? What am I doing wrong all of a sudden? I'm just going to keep putting listings up and see what happens and not give up. Nope. I've stopped seeing the dr. but I have to go back. I have to. I was just starting to make some headway, and decisions, and answers. Help. It's all helping. So yay, I gotta go back,(not like it's a hardship. They even have animal therapy, which YOU KNOW APPEALS to me.) In two weeks. (I have some bills.)Other than that, I'm okay. I drank again tonight. How long does it have to be before I say that I drink? I mean, I never drank like this except for the two years my husband and I split up. Now, we are just going thru this 'bad time'. I asked my husband what big changes will happen when I finally get off probation and he had no answer for me. I mean, we live like paupers, and not happy with our lives at all. I mean he plays poker which he loves, I have the kittehs, and eBay which I love, and we have each other, and have fun together alot, but overall, we are not happy in our life right now. (Legal situation.) So,really,.....if we die tomorrow, than what? Than what?Do we move? Do things really change at all or will it be YEARS? I just need something to strive toward,....anything. My babys help, but I wanna learn more about them. More. Do I go back to school? Do I try for another business to own ourselves? What's next? Than what? I just don't know what to do? I don't. I'm just letting days and days go by,....our lives are just passing us by.