Monday, October 26, 2009

Calling a cop a pig is an insult to pigs.

My days go by one by one, just an endless stream of them meshing together. The only bright spot for me right now is Munky. I decided to keep her, and we are still trying to get Sugar to come in and stay,.....but when the hissing and growling at us starts, it's hard not to let him go outside, because I know that will make him happy,.....and thats not a cop-out from me. I know how much he loves being outside,....he really does, because I used to sit outside with him for hours, (when I wasn't working.) So,....the damn legal situation hasn't gotten any better, (or gone away for that matter.) Everyday I think, worry, and make myself sick to my stomach worrying about us here. I just want to be outta here. But we are going to wait a year,....(which seems like eternity to me,) - maybe not quite that long. I am trying to do things to keep my mind busy, but inevitably I wake up in the middle of the night worrying, and panicking. My panic attacks haven't come back since that one day going to my mom's,....but just that one gives me anxiety,....I guess when you are under the pressure we are legally,...thats bound to happen. So,.....going to the lawyers tomorrow, and a court date on Weds. (Can't wait.) My husbands surgery will be coming up in the next 3 to 4 weeks, - gotta get prepared for that too. AND, put the icing on the cake, we found out that a very good friend of ours passed away two weeks ago, and we didn't know anything! It was horrible. My husband knew this guy for almost 25 years. So sad,....he has been so upset the last few days,.....he's blaming himself for not spending anytime with him, or talking with him the last couple of years,.....I should have, what if, I shoulda,....I could go on and on, hurts me to see someone like my husband really hurt like this,...and know there is nothing I can do to stop his pain. This is his third friend we have lost,....too young, too soon. People you lose like that, you never get over it,.....NEVER. I still haven't gotten over my father being gone, and it's been 15 years. I will never get over it, I will never stop feeling guilting for not spending enough time with him,....I will never forgive myself for not enjoying and realizing what an awesome dad I had,.....and I spent some GREAT times with him,....I miss him every single day. You never get over some people being gone from your life,.........gone from this world. Never. I'm just sad and angry all over,...very sad,.......very angry, and I don't know if I'll ever get over it. I don't have the energy to try anymore. Sad.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Please excuse my absence, was due to some extensive legal problems we have been dealing with and just became worse. I won't go into detail, but things took on a new troubling angle, and the pig-cops showed me a new low that they can stoop to. It never ceases to amaze me how low people/cops can be. I don't mean to sound this way, but I hate people more than ever after what I have been thru the last few days. I can't even tell you,'s no wonder I see such goodness in animals. Everyday I just want to move away and go somewhere that is just land and wild animals, and stay there. I can even say forget the malls, shopping, all the other stuff I love,....because I just can't deal with it. I thought I was at a breaking point before, you should see me now. We have decided we are going to have to move out of our beautiful home. We just can't stay here,...we will have the SWAT team and different police departments at our house whenever they feel like it,...and I just can't live like that. It is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, and I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't going thru it, or if someone had told me. I will be keeping everything here packed up, and we already have a place in mind to buy once this house is sold. I can't wait already,....but I don't want to jinx it, so I will say as little as possible until it ends up being a done deal. At least it's something good to look foward to, that's all I gotta say.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Yes, this is our house now. A storage unit!

Extremely rough week this past one. I feel like I've been hit by a Mac truck. I had a very comfortable, UNeventful ride home from my mom's. I came home to having to help my husband pack up our condo that we finally decided to rent out, and it took us some grueling days and nights. Alot of frustrations, fights, and fits were had,....but we did it, and now our house looks like a storage unit. Little Munky's room is so full,...she thinks it's new climbing toys for her! Funny, I don't remember accumulating all these clothes, shoes, and handbags. (My husband stopped counting at 500 pairs of shoes!) I really can't believe it. No more Ebay for me,....only to sell my stuff, which I am doing as I write this. I started with my jackets and a couple of pairs of shoes and will keep going from there. Yep. I definitelly have a shopping problem. NO MORE. I can't. I can't wait to get rid of this stuff, and get downsized. It will be cathartic. Anyways,....still having problems with Sugar and Munky. I think we might have to give Munky away tho. It will absolutely kill me, but we can't have Sugar not coming home for days because Munky is here. I wish we could do anything else but that, but I don't know of any other solution. I am beside myself. I've already made myself sick to my stomach just thinking of putting her in someone else's hands. We have to make Sugar a totally indoor kitty tho. He can't take being outside like he has been. It's just too much for him, I don't care how many families are loving/taking care of him. He is a nervous wreck everytime he comes here now, and it kills us to see him like that. We are so messed up right now.