Happy freakin' Christmas. I really dislike, (to put it nicely,) Christmas. The presents, the malls, THE BRATTY-ASS KIDS, AND THEIR STUPID-ASS IGNORANT SO-CALLED PARENTS, the pressures of gift-giving,......ALL OF IT. I just can't take what it has become, it's like some freak side-show of sorts. The way people act, and treat other people never ceases to amaze me. I've been yelled at, cussed at, have things thrown at me, and have been called every name you can think of when working for the liquor company that I work for, and all I'm trying to do is HELP them get what they want. Can you imagine? I mean I know there is alot of pressure around 'the season', but I could NEVER be that way to someone who is just trying to fill an order for liquor and wine for your holiday party. Horrible, horrible people they are. The whole lot of them. This is why I would love to spend time at home with my kittys and husband than being around ANY people at all, because the whole lot of them can KISS MY ASS. Yes,....I'm as hateful as ever still, and more-so around this time of year. People are idiots even more and this time of year just magnifys it,....kinda like alcohol does to some idiotic jerk,....just makes it worse. So,......happy freakin' Christmas. I hate everyone as usual. Sorry to vent, but I just had to after the last week of work,..........animals are so much better than us people. They really are, and nothing anyone can ever do or say will ever change my mind. We should be the ones becoming extinct.

I'm going to try to start over with a nap

It's my day off today, and yesterday I had off also, and I got some much needed cleaning done around the house. Everything seems better when things are neat and clean. So,...watching TV right now, and fooling around with my laptop. Sometimes these things can be such a pain. I've been going thru so much stuff I have and came across a little used computer thingy I got on eBay, (an HP Jornada,) and I did everything I could think of to get that damn thing to work. Couldn't do it. Took it to Computer Geeks thing, they couldn't do it, tried online everything, - no one can get it to work. I just don't get it. How do all these people do it, and I can't? I just downloaded my new firewall/security thing on my computer, and now I'm having all sorts of problems trying to get on the Internet and eBay,etc. I swear, I want to scream and pull the hair outta my head. How do people deal with this aggravation? Are all computers like this? or is it just mine? Because it sure seems like if anything can go wrong, it will for me! I really hate this time of year. Christmas time always makes me sad. It's not really fun anymore. The music is aggravating, the malls are a pain, and it's just plain too much pressure; the gifts, the wrapping, the time frame, all of it. NOT FUN ANYMORE. Not like Thanksgiving, where all you have to worry about is a good meal, and everyone having a space to flop. Right? I think I'm going to go back to bed, and try to start the day over on a better note. (Thats one thing that ALWAYS makes me happy,-napping.) See ya.

This is my ALL-TIME FAVORITE HOLIDAY. I LOVE Thanksgiving, what with all the family getting together, all the great food, football on TV, and all the naps you can take with no one yelling at you that you are lazy! I love it. I wish we could have Thanksgiving twice a year! We are going to my sister-in-laws house, and I am wearing special jammies that I like to wear so I can be comfortable no matter how much I eat, and then nap not feeling self-conscious. Yep. That's me. Munky and I have already had a great day spending special time together on the front door stoop looking outside early in the morning for about an hour or so. She is so cute watching all the birds, lizards, and assorted noises and sounds she's not used to. Just the wind blowing she is enthralled. So cute. She's like watching a little kid seeing all this stuff for the first time. Too cute. I adore every little twitch of her tail, movement of her eyes, and squeaks that she makes. I have so many pictures of her, you'd think she was my child. (Well she basically is.) Anyhow, I'm being thankful today for all that we have, all that we are lucky enough to be able to do, and for our health. Believe me, I'm trying not to be so mean and evil towards people. That's as close as I will come today to bringing any ugly situations up. Hope all you have a HAPPY and SAFE Thanksgiving today. Be thankful for every little thing, because I'm sure there is someone out there who doesn't even have the simplest things. Be safe, and happy,.....I am today, and I feel very priviledged.

I'm all over the place

Today is a good day so far, (it's still early.) So many things have to be done tho, I feel defeated before I even start. Saturday night we went to the 30th Annual Garlic Party in Boca Raton, (-the supposed last one,) and it didn't disappoint. Lotsa great food, dancing, entertainment, it was fun. Took our minds off of things at least for a little while. Came home and went right to sleep, and Sunday had a very quiet, relaxing day watching football, reading the paper online, and basically just doing nothing,-which is a perfect day to me. Today I woke up with my throat hurting. Not good. But,....I will try to act like I'm not sick so I (hopefully) won't get sick. (It works for my husband.) We'll see. I'm going to go thru some boxes of stuff, and maybe clean up Munky's room and put more stuff on Ebay. Just keeping ya posted. I still feel paranoid, and basically very unsettled. I want to be better sometimes, and sometimes I just don't care about anything at all. I'm so up and down it's scary. I'm sure you can tell the way I am from what I'm writing. I'm all over the place emotionally and mentally, but I'm trying sometimes. Gotta take what you can get, right?

I've been off the last two days, and what a relief it is for my emotional state. Work does help somewhat, but I am relieved when my day(s) off roll around. Got nothing done yesterday, and today we might go to my sister-in-laws for dinner. I feel like there is no end in sight sometimes when I look ahead living here. We found out that our next-door-neighbors that are like family to us are putting their house up for sale soon. That crushed me. I told my husband that that was the last straw for staying here, and without them, I cannot live here by any means. I mean really. I would feel helpless, and like we had no one. NO ONE. I will be lighting a fire under my husbands behind to finish this house, and get it on the market. I don't care what it takes. I can't stay here knowing what we know about the cops harassing us, etc. I can't. I feel vulnerable. I am really depressed. It's an effort to shower everyday, to wash my hair, to even care to get outta bed. My s.i.l. (sister-in-law) is pushing for me to see a dr. of some kind, and I think I will, because I am just getting worse and worse about everything. And my meaness towards people and the way I think about them gets worse and worse everyday. I really need to be around animals. Munky is my little savior. I relish the time I spend with her, and love when we play, go for walks, and nap together. She's what is getting me thru everyday. Really.

One step at a time

The last few days have been hell legally, -but it's over for a couple of months,until the next court day,(in Jan.) At least it's after the holidays, and I don't have to think about it for awhile. I have been selling stuff slow but sure on eBay, and having fun with it. Munky has been my little savior for happiness. She is my joy,....my husband and I have so much fun with her every night. (We barely need a TV!!!) Sugar is still his little mean self, but when he lets me, and when he finally does decide to show up here, we feed him, and give him as much attention as he will let us. I try to spend time with him outside, but even outside, he wants nothing to do with me and hisses and growls. So we keep trying, and trying. We don't have to decide anything with him until we finally move, so that may be a little while yet. I won't stop trying with him tho, -even if he ends up attacking me one day, I still love him far too much. Work has been gruelling and with the holidays coming up, there is no end in sight. More hours, more work, more everything. It will help tho, I'm not complaining, (I'm counting myself lucky.) The lady who I once told ya'll about with the Guiness Book of Records Great Dane,....well, she just got two new G.D. puppies, and OMG, are they the most beautiful little teddy bears,...she brought them in for me to see last Sunday at work, and I swear I almost cried. I held one, and she was the sweetest thing. She got a harlequin with one blue eye, and one green eye, and a pure black one, and that one is so loving and affectionate it's unbelievable. They really are like infant babies,....I am so in love with them. They are totally amazing to me. SOOO,...nothing else new here with me,.....still have boxes up to the ceilings here, and hopefully in the next few weeks, my sister-in-law will help me sort thru everything and figure out what to do with all this "stuff". Wow,...it's really overwhelming. I've been coming home from work, and I just start to cry when I see it all. It's just too much. I can't wait to get rid of some of it. I've been lurking around the web when I'm up late and can't sleep, and, I've been getting on Facebook, and ended up finding one of best friends from Coconut Grove on there and we got in touch and met at a resturante halfway between the two of us, and we have been emailing and calling each other ever since. I never had a friend like her, and I've missed her so much. It's been great getting back in touch with her, and catching-up. SO,....that's about it for me,...I will be watching the Country Music Awards this Weds. night to see if my faves (Toby Keith, and Jamey Johnson) win anything,....I gotta have short plans,....one day at a time, that's all I can do.

Can't wait for next baseball season, and THANK GOD for the NHL

That's all I gotta say.

One of the reasons I HATE people

Right this minute everything feels okay. I wish I always felt like this. My husband is napping next to me, Munky is laying next to me watching TV, and I'm on here. It's so nice and comforting when I feel like this,......I wish I never had to leave home,....even tho I don't always feel like that either. I'm not totally comfortable anywhere I'm at anymore. I still love this house,-our home,- but it's just not like it was before everything happened once again. Everyday I get up and have to make myself care about getting things done, cleaning the house, and even getting in the shower. I've never been this uncaring about myself in my entire life. It's awful. I'm just not at ease no matter what anymore,-that much is clear. My sister-in-law has been everything to me and my husband helping us get thru all this nightmare which started 15 months ago, and still hasn't ended. I now know and understand my problems as to why I like to shop the way I do. I don't drink, do drugs, or even swear, but my one big achilles heel is shopping. And I know why I do it,....to compensate for the way I feel about whats going on in my life. In the beginning it was because of my phobias, and anxiety, and not wanting to be alone,-physically,- now it's my nerves, and feelings of always being harassed/watched/ by police. I can't wait to get outta this house and neighborhood,...it's just so damn depressing, I always thought this house would be home,...and we would live happily ever after. NOW,....not so much. And my outlook about people has gotten worse and worse everyday. I hate 'em all, I really do,.....my kittys are the best thing in my life except for my husband and family. People never cease to amaze me at how mean, deceiving, and rotten they can be. I am not a fan. I need to be around animals somehow. I need to make a negative a positive in my life, because if I go on like this, all this hatred will eat me alive somehow. It really will. And if I ever get outta this mess of life we got into here, I have to turn it around and be positive in some sort of way. Something has to give,.....I just hope its not me.

Calling a cop a pig is an insult to pigs.

My days go by one by one, just an endless stream of them meshing together. The only bright spot for me right now is Munky. I decided to keep her, and we are still trying to get Sugar to come in and stay,.....but when the hissing and growling at us starts, it's hard not to let him go outside, because I know that will make him happy,.....and thats not a cop-out from me. I know how much he loves being outside,....he really does, because I used to sit outside with him for hours, (when I wasn't working.) So,....the damn legal situation hasn't gotten any better, (or gone away for that matter.) Everyday I think, worry, and make myself sick to my stomach worrying about us here. I just want to be outta here. But we are going to wait a year,....(which seems like eternity to me,) - maybe not quite that long. I am trying to do things to keep my mind busy, but inevitably I wake up in the middle of the night worrying, and panicking. My panic attacks haven't come back since that one day going to my mom's,....but just that one gives me anxiety,....I guess when you are under the pressure we are legally,...thats bound to happen. So,.....going to the lawyers tomorrow, and a court date on Weds. (Can't wait.) My husbands surgery will be coming up in the next 3 to 4 weeks, - gotta get prepared for that too. AND,....to put the icing on the cake, we found out that a very good friend of ours passed away two weeks ago, and we didn't know anything! It was horrible. My husband knew this guy for almost 25 years. So sad,....he has been so upset the last few days,.....he's blaming himself for not spending anytime with him, or talking with him the last couple of years,.....I should have, what if, I shoulda,....I could go on and on,......it hurts me to see someone like my husband really hurt like this,...and know there is nothing I can do to stop his pain. This is his third friend we have lost,....too young, too soon. People you lose like that, you never get over it,.....NEVER. I still haven't gotten over my father being gone, and it's been 15 years. I will never get over it, I will never stop feeling guilting for not spending enough time with him,....I will never forgive myself for not enjoying and realizing what an awesome dad I had,.....and I spent some GREAT times with him,....I miss him every single day. You never get over some people being gone from your life,.........gone from this world. Never. I'm just sad and angry all over,...very sad,.......very angry, and I don't know if I'll ever get over it. I don't have the energy to try anymore. Sad.

Please excuse my absence,....it was due to some extensive legal problems we have been dealing with and just became worse. I won't go into detail, but things took on a new troubling angle, and the pig-cops showed me a new low that they can stoop to. It never ceases to amaze me how low people/cops can be. I don't mean to sound this way, but I hate people more than ever after what I have been thru the last few days. I can't even tell you,....it's no wonder I see such goodness in animals. Everyday I just want to move away and go somewhere that is just land and wild animals, and stay there. I can even say forget the malls, shopping, all the other stuff I love,....because I just can't deal with it. I thought I was at a breaking point before, you should see me now. We have decided we are going to have to move out of our beautiful home. We just can't stay here,...we will have the SWAT team and different police departments at our house whenever they feel like it,...and I just can't live like that. It is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, and I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't going thru it, or if someone had told me. I will be keeping everything here packed up, and we already have a place in mind to buy once this house is sold. I can't wait already,....but I don't want to jinx it, so I will say as little as possible until it ends up being a done deal. At least it's something good to look foward to, that's all I gotta say.

Yes, this is our house now. A storage unit!

Extremely rough week this past one. I feel like I've been hit by a Mac truck. I had a very comfortable, UNeventful ride home from my mom's. I came home to having to help my husband pack up our condo that we finally decided to rent out, and it took us some grueling days and nights. Alot of frustrations, fights, and fits were had,....but we did it, and now our house looks like a storage unit. Little Munky's room is so full,...she thinks it's new climbing toys for her! Funny, I don't remember accumulating all these clothes, shoes, and handbags. (My husband stopped counting at 500 pairs of shoes!) I really can't believe it. No more Ebay for me,....only to sell my stuff, which I am doing as I write this. I started with my jackets and a couple of pairs of shoes and will keep going from there. Yep. I definitelly have a shopping problem. NO MORE. I can't. I can't wait to get rid of this stuff, and get downsized. It will be cathartic. Anyways,....still having problems with Sugar and Munky. I think we might have to give Munky away tho. It will absolutely kill me, but we can't have Sugar not coming home for days because Munky is here. I wish we could do anything else but that, but I don't know of any other solution. I am beside myself. I've already made myself sick to my stomach just thinking of putting her in someone else's hands. We have to make Sugar a totally indoor kitty tho. He can't take being outside like he has been. It's just too much for him, I don't care how many families are loving/taking care of him. He is a nervous wreck everytime he comes here now, and it kills us to see him like that. We are so messed up right now.

Beautiful home away from home

Sitting here in Key Largo at my mom's, and it's so nice and peaceful. Watching some people fish, watching boats going out into the ocean,......watching some football. Just nice. My husband stayed home to finish packing our beach condo. He wanted to stay and finish and wanted me to go.(I tried to cancel, but he got mad, and said he'd get more done if I just went.) So,.....that's what I did. My sister and niece left a few hours ago,...they had a 4 1/2 hour drive home. I'm going to stay until tomorrow. I love to spend time with my mom,(and her companion/boyfriend.) (?) Soooooooooo,.....had a big family dinner last night, and they made pina coladas, homemade lasagna, bbq'd sausages, and fresh itallion bread. Fun was had by all.I NEEDED IT. I'm still so tired. I had a very bad drive here yesterday afternoon. 2 hours of pure hell; panic attacks, and then sheer exhaustion. I don't know why all of a sudden I'm having them again. Yesterday is the first one I had in SO LONG. Probably over a year. I really just talked to myself and tried to calm down, but I felt so hopeless. I was scared to death.To make matters worse my cellphone died right in the middle of my sister-in-law calming me down. I couldn't get the battery juiced up enough to even work. Not good. That was what put me into full blown panic attack mode. I thought I was going to die on the roadside here going into the Keys. I actually pictured myself on the side of the road, trying to get help, passing out from hyperventilating, and being taken to the hospital/morgue. How morbid can I get? I really can't understand why I'm going thru this again. It came outta nowhere. I'm so strange. Driving home tomorrow will be another adventure. I'm very apprehensive, and I don't know why. Well enough of my ridiculousness. I'm going to concentrate on relaxing right now. I'll write about my trip home after I live thru it!

Family weekend

I'm so looking foward to this weekend. I am going to de-stress. I swear I will. I work Saturday until 3pm and then I'm coming home, and my husband and I are driving to Key Largo to see my mom. My sister and niece are meeting us there, and we are all staying overnight. I am so looking foward to it. I miss my mom so much. I haven't seen her since I started working again. (Can you believe it's been 8 months already?!) The last few days have been rough. I had off, but we went to our beach-condo and started packing everything up there. (We finally rented it out after having it sit with no one living there for the last five years.)When I first walked in, I sat right on the floor and started to cry because I was so overwhelmed. I just didn't know where to start. Our whole lives were there,-good and bad. So we packed all we could up, and I went back to work today and my husband spent the day there doing what he could. It's scary leaving a place like that. 11 years of our lives has been there, but I do know it's time to move on. I can remember the first time we saw it, I said that we would never move again. Shesh,...I was WAY OFF. I really thought we would live the rest of our lives there. Now our priorities have changed. We want land for animals, and riding ATC's on, and taking walks and seeing wild animals. I'd really like to start a No-kill Dog/Cat Shelter. (I think this all will end up being in Canada tho. ) I don't think there is anywhere in Florida that we could afford such a thing, and still be on the water somehow. (A river,lake,etc.) Soooooooo,....that's the plan I guess. We have to wait another two years legally tho, and then see what our fate will be. Keep your finger's crossed we get to do things on our terms. I don't know if we could take anymore trauma.

Now-a-day kids.

What in the heck do kids do and expect to accomplish now-a-days with the things they do, and THINK they can get away with? I've said it time and time again,....entitlement,...and if they don't get what they want, they will find some devious way to take a short cut and get it somehow.(Even if it means taking it from someone else.) I watch the news way too much, and hear all about what goes on with kids. How has it gotten this bad? Do parents not care? I mean,....it all seemed so simple when I grew up, (and I'm not that old I might add!-44.) I guess parents don't have the time in this day and age. What with the economy the way it is, you practically gotta work three jobs just to make it all work,-ESPECIALLY if you have kids. They want Ipods, Iphones, WII, Coach bags, designer clothes, and whatever else I'm forgetting. It's hard enough getting that stuff for yourself, let alone your children! I see them talk back to their parents like it was nothing, and the parents bow down to them. I've seen them throw temper-tantrums if they don't get what they want, and then get it. What is all this teaching our kids? Figure it out people. Think about it. I mean really. I was no angel growing up by any means, but there was a line I knew not to go over. I never stole, or hurt ANYONE, I never plotted or ganged up on anyone either. That seems like an everyday occurrence in schools everywhere right now. Kids hurting, and even sometimes killing other kids for the most ridiculous things, and reasons. I just can't wrap my head around it all. It's such a scary world out there now,......I can't imagine growing-up in it. I would be so scared of everything and everyone, that I wouldn't be able to function. I don't know the answers, but I know it will be scary when these children are grown,(if they make it that far,) and realize life does NOT get handed to you on a silver platter, and that they will have to work for every single thing they want. And how much everything really costs. The price of time is what it takes. I learned early on about that. My parents worked hard all their lives, and saved a pretty penny to be able to retire in the Florida Keys, and they did, bought a cute little place on the water, just what they wanted, and,......in less than a year my father was gone. Finally got what he wanted, and just gone. The price of time is a luxury that people can't afford, and really don't even realize that that is what they need and can't do. Maybe it's better that people don't realize a virtually unattainable goal as time. It's so hard, and very few people get to ever do it in their lifetimes. People don't even enjoy the little time they do have with their family, they don't do things together anyways. I don't know,...I think I'm becoming more and more cynical the older I get. I just don't get people these days. I just don't.

My little Munky

The last couple of days have been surreal. I took little Munky to the vet to get spayed and pampered, the whole nine yards, and realized when it was finally time to hand her over, I started to cry. I felt like I was putting my little childs life in someone else's hands. The nurse was so nice tho. She totally didn't make me feel stupid or anything,...I just felt so scared. She was so nice and sat with Munky and I and explained all the things they do to make everything more comfortable for her afterwards. They said she would be ready to go by 1 o'clock and it was 8am,...so I ran home, fell back asleep for a couple of hours, woke-up practically ready to throw-up from my nerves,....went to the gym anyways, and they called true to their word at 1 o'clock, and I swear, there was no stopping me once they finally called. I jumped in my car, sweat soaked clothes and all, threw my gym bag in the backseat, and high-tailed it there, again, practically in tears. I got there in record time, and soon as she saw me she meowed the saddest little noise I ever heard her make. I did cry then. I got her home, with her little satellite collar on, and poor thing was so out of it, she walked in circles, and bumped into walls. I stayed with her the entire time. I spoon fed her cause she couldn't get to the food so well, and gave her water with a eye-dropper. She kept waking up smacking her dry little tongue, so I would give her more water. She stayed next to me for probably 20 hours straight sleeping, and getting comfortable. I was like a mother hen,....my husband thought I was taking it all too serious, but I couldn't help it. I love her so much. Scared me to death too. I realize how much I do love her. Even when she was at the vet, I sat and looked around the house, with all her toys, and stuff ALL OVER THE HOUSE, and I got so upset, because it seemed so empty without her there. How did I ever live without her with us? I can't remember. Sugar is being a meany to us, but I still baby him when I see him. I do whatever I can for him, believe me. I bring his food out to him,...I brought out his favorite blanket and put it on the patio couch so he can sleep on it when he feels like it. I go for walks with him, in the rare event he shows up when I come home from work, like we used to do. I miss him,....but he doesn't give me a choice, short of hunting the neighborhood down looking for him. So, I even called in late to work to stay a couple extra hours with Munky, ---I felt so bad leaving her. It was so hard. I stopped myself from calling every hour to check on her,....but I'm home now, and found her sleeping in our bed all curled up on my side under the blanket. I was so damn excited to see her. She's still a little fuzzy-eyed, but she follows me from room to room, so I know she knows whats going on a little more now. I'm just happy she's home, clean bill of health, and she's my little kid. I'm so content with her near,....it's scary.

And another day

My husband is watching football today,...Munky's watching the backyard,(and very talky about it!), and I just made a big breakfast for us, and getting ready to do some housework. It's a good day so far. Off for the next two days, and SO HAPPY about it. Sometimes I feel so content, -it's scary. We had a really nice young couple look at our condo on the beach, and I think they might actually rent it.(The first people who have looked at it too!) What a big financial load that will be off our minds. The other place across the street from the beach is still empty. (Hopefully the realtor is getting some bites on it.) Wanting to go to the mall tomorrow while Munky is at the vet, but it's too far, and I wanna be close by. I'm anxious about dropping her off,...her little life in someone else's hands scares me to death. I know for a fact that this place is very good tho,....so I shouldn't worry, but I will regardless. I love her so much. She's like my child. So,....that's about my day in a nutshell,-housework, laundry, Munky and my husband. (And hopefully seeing Sugar if he comes by.) :(
I'm so exciting, aren't I? I guess I am getting old,........

Ramblin' on,....

Wow, I just realized this is my 101st post. That makes me an official blogger I guess. I really love this blog. It helps me so much to write what I'm going thru and how I feel. I guess everyone feels like that, that's why they do it. Well,......I'm hanging out with little Munky. I am working a short, late shift today because I have too many hours this week, and they don't want me to have more overtime. (I can definitely deal with that.) Munky is looking out into our backyard that is surrounded by beautiful palm trees,...(you can't even see the neighbors around us,...it's great.) She loves staring out there and watching the birds drink outta the pool, and the lizards run across the deck. She is a happy kitty finally. This Monday I'm bringing her to get spayed, and have all her shots done, and all her feline tests done. I'm very excited,....she will be all good then. I finally got her to wear a collar. (I got her a little pink breakaway one,-she hated it at first,...but she stopped trying to get it off FINALLY.) I also bought her a leash and harness, but she hates that too. I have to keep trying tho, and I will. I don't want her to be an outdoor cat, but I want to be able to take her for walks at least. Sooooo,....in two weeks, my sister and niece are going to my mom's in Key Largo, and I'm going to try to meet them there. I already got it off from work,...so,....I just gotta figure out if my husband wants to go or not. I'm really looking foward to it. (Altho NOT looking foward to being away from Munky.) I was thinking about taking her,...but she still doesn't like car rides,---so no, I can't. Other than that, nothing else new with me,-still getting sick to my stomach tho. Called the doc, and she said to wait and see if I get used to the new medication. Isn't that fun. Meanwhile, everything I eat, I throw-up,....like clockwork. Even last night at work, I got WonTon soup, and drank the broth only,....up it came an hour later. Ya think I could at least be losing some weight thru this at least?! NOOOOOO. Nothing good like that could happen. So,....I'm done for today. My random thoughts, and ramblings.

Pulling the hair outta my head

I'm panicking in my head. I feel like life is passing us by. What if I went to the doctor and found out I had some fatal disease? Is this how I want to live? I mean I'm so thankful for my husband, kitties, and home(s). It all just seems to be going by quicker, and quicker everyday. My husband is in such a survival mode of all this stuff, that he just can't enjoy, or see any of the little, good things to be thankful for. It's hard to tell him too. He is just so,.....oh, I don't know,.....so aggravated by everyday life. I'm happy we live in a beautiful home,.....he is aggravated beyond belief that it's not perfectly clean every second of everyday. That's how it is at our house. With everything. EVERYTHING. It's hard to enjoy things when someone can't see the goodness in everyday life, and I guess I should understand how he feels,...because I'm going thru it too, but I still think we are EXTREMELY lucky in other aspects of our life, and know things could be ALOT worse. Why can't he see that? I mean we both have lost parents, we both have lost many friends way too early, and he should know that everyday is not to be lived like we are living. Why doesn't he just understand? I'm just having a hard time when he gets like this. I could be so content sometimes,.....I mean to a point, ya know? I guess his escape is playing poker, working-out, and watching sports. Mine is this blog, (which he totally doesn't understand at all,-in fact he hates it,) shopping, Ebay, and our kitties. So now what?

What will tomorrow bring?

I will spend the next two days off and very happy about it. I worked Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday. I am drained to the max. Today we went to my sister-in-laws and had a great BBQ. The weather was great, the food was awesome (as always,) and we had alot of fun. I really wish we could move into the condo above her so bad. How great would that be? So cool when I think about it in my head. So much like a little family. How I miss that so much. Saturday would have been my dad's birthday. I called my mom,.....how I miss him. WE miss him. It never stops or goes away, does it? Never. SOOOOOO,.....tomorrow I will be happy to go to the gym, spend some time with Munky, and my husband, and I plan on going to the neighbors house who is taking care of Sugar and talk with her. I have to. I don't want her to think anything bad, and explain about Munky to her, and let her know that's why Sugar doesn't want to be here so much. It's killing my husband and I, we drive by there a few times a day to see if he is there outside. We saw him once today and he wouldn't come in, so I brought him a bowl of food outside, and sat with him while he ate. I practically cried. I miss him so much. I have just run out of ideas to do with him. I guess I will just have to wait-n-see. What else? Been going to the gym, and it's making me feel alot better after every workout. Alot. Yet I'm still really depressed,....all I want to do is sleep and hang with Munky, (and Sugar if he let me.) This seems like a really weird time in my life. All loose ends, and I feel like we still don't know about our lives,........just so up in the air. I want to be settled and start living our "fun" life. When does it start? Not like we don't have fun, but I hate being on edge, and not being in control of our own life. I hate it,....it makes me crazy. Everyday I wake up and wonder if my husband will still be here at the end of the day with me. It's like slow torture, living our life like this. It's making me physically sick now. I have IBS,....my stomach always hurts, I eat uncontrollably, and I'm can't remember or concentrate on anything. I'm lucky I can work. I think it's a welcome escape. The doctor told me everything I'm going thru is all to be expected in a high-stress situation. I should keep working-out, taking vitamins, and doing what I can to relax. Munky really helps with that. When I go to sleep at night, and wake-up in the morning and she is there, I am happy. When I play with her, she keeps me so entertained, and I so adore her. She is sweetest, cutest little thing. I do miss Sugar, but I can't force him to stay with us. So I'm trying to deal. That's all I can do with everything. Just deal with it,-right?

Long day today, and another one to look foward to tomorrow. Doctor's appointment and then work. Whoop-ee. I did get to the gym tho, and will be going tomorrow too before the doctor. Looooonnnngggg day tho,.....NOT looking foward to it. I just want it over with. I'm not off until next Monday. Ugh. Don't ya just feel like your on a hamster wheel sometimes? Go to work, go to the gym, come home, cook dinner, do some laundry, play with kitties, go to bed. Get up and start all over again,....day after day, after day. OMG. Does it ever end? Things just seem so pointless sometimes. Would it be any different if we lived in Canada? (I always think it will be SSSSSSSSOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER.) Right now my husband is a little peeved at me because Sugar wouldn't come in all day today, and it stormed out really bad. He won't come in because of Munky and now we don't know what to do. We already talked to the neighbor who's house he's been staying at. They love him so much too, (thank god.) They brush him, and he sleeps in their bed with them even,....(like he used to do with us.) I miss him so much, and so does my husband, that's why he's upset. I don't know what to do tho. We can't get rid of Munky,-I love her too so much,....I'm just torn. Maybe thats why I'm feeling so unsettled. I don't know.

A Week In My Life

Tonight I'm sitting here watching the CMA Music Festival on TV waiting to see Jamey Johnson. I did cardio on the treadmill for 40 minutes, put away a bunch of laundry, and waiting for my husband to come home from the gym. I did go to the gym all last week, and I took Sun. and Mon.(today) off. I hate getting up in the morning, but I'm loving how I feel afterwards. I wonder why I waited so long, because I miss how great it makes me feel. (Not to mention the side benefit of looking better.) This past year was the first time in literally 20 years that I have ever taken any amount of time like this off from weight-training. I've missed it more than you know. Maybe now I will lose some weight, and fit back into clothes again. I hate being only 5foot tall,(short,) because 5lbs. looks like 20! Imagine what 30 looks like then? Yep. I will take it off. Slow and steady. Anyways,.....sat around the house all day today really. Just hanging with my husband and Munky. Sugar has been staying at our neighbor's house. He is being anti-social to us because of Munky I think. It's breaking my heart. I've tried putting Munky in her room while he is here, but he still wants to leave,.....he still hisses furiously at me when I open the door for him to go outside. I have tried everything. I don't know what else to do. (If anyone has any suggestions, or things to try, let me know. I will do anything.) SO,....I went to the mall last week and found the cutest, most comfortable Jessica Simpson shoes. You really would never guess how comfortable they are for such a high heel. (I was very impressed.) And I just got the best deal on Ebay; I got a John Hardy coil bracelet for a little less than $300!!! That's an unbelievable deal if you know the bracelet I'm talking about. Really. I was happy with my deal! (It retails for $695!!!) I'm putting up a Michael Kors outfit I had to have that I saw in magazine, that I can't fit into now. The dress is a size 2, makes me sad. It still has tags on it even. Even had to have the shoes. Don't ask. Thank god for Ebay, -thats all I have to say! Nothing else new really. Things at work are going well,...I'm just working alot. I guess I really should be thankful, and I am,.....but I've been feeling really low lately and I'm not sure why. I've been looking at real estate again in Canada. Sooner or later it's gonna happen. We can't get around it legally,....so, I rather do it on our terms, instead of another horrible trauma in our lives again. Our terms, our life, - ya know? I really feel very unfinished right now. I thought a job would really help tie up all my loose ends, and it hasn't. I wonder if I should go back to school. I don't know what to do anymore with myself. I mean, it's not like I have a whole lot of time with working the kinda hours I do, and now with getting back in the gym, I feel like I have NO TIME to do anything else. Maybe it's just all the drama last week with all the Kennedy stuff. I feel like it was my own family member. I so loved everything about the Kennedys. I always swore if I ever had a child, I would name him or her Kennedy. Sounds ridiculous I know, but it's very true, I would have. Some people understand that kinda stuff, and others just don't get it. When I watched the prosession, I knew I wasn't the only one to feel like I did. I was so glad people responded the way they did. So much love and feeling for him, and that family, but thats just me and how I feel right now. Thats my little week in my little life.

I Am SO HEARTBROKEN

I'm sorry again, I haven't written. Believe it or not, I have been so upset and beside myself with the passing of Ted Kennedy, I can't see straight. I grew-up in an Itallian/Portuguese Catholic family from New York, and let me tell you,....the Kennedys were royalty in our household. My mother could say no wrong about them. Growing up, I read and watched absolutely everything I could get my hands on about any of them. Yes I know, they were far from perfect, and had ALOT of indiscretions, but I still love them all down to their little toes. They can do no wrong, and everything they do and did was perfect and/or rationed away in my little head. The passing of Ted Kennedy is a huge era gone forever. I still haven't gotten over John-John being gone. It's just not possible one family can go thru so much. I've always wondered if for some unexplainable reason that the family was cursed. Was it because of the father running booze?, buying them into politics? or just stepping over and on everyone to get his kids where he wanted them? I mean, think about it,.....wouldn't any parent really do anything for their kids? Am I rationalizing? or when you really think about it, and you're honest with yourself, wouldn't you do just about anything for your children? So what made the father so bad then? So many questions forever unanswered. So much we will never really know. How I would still love to be apart of such a historied family. Could you imagine being "a Kennedy"? Am I being stupid and immature? I just really wonder what it would be like to be a part of that dynasty,.....cursed,flawed and all. I'd take it. I'm just so heartbroken, I can't tell you. Heartbroken,.......forever.

I'm so boring

I can never seem to please everyone, no matter how hard I try or want to. Yesterday was my sister-in-law's birthday, and I wanted to do so much, and really didn't get to. Some people just love when you make a big deal about them,....but they won't say it, ya know? Well, my husband hates all that fussy stuff about birthdays, presents, cake, and making a big to-do about it all, so he thinks everyone else is that way too. I try to explain that sometimes it's nice to have someone fuss over you, and make a big deal about your birthday and all. I mean it's the one day a year that you can have that's all your's to call your own and just plain have thing's all your way. Right? I try to stretch my birthday out as long as possible, believe me. So, we ended up getting some filet mignons, cherrystone clams, (we wanted Ipswich ones, but they were out.) I had thankfully gotten her some gifts earlier in the month,...so I only got her two things, but it was better than nothing. I found this crystal figure of the Chrysler building, (which is her favorite,) in TJ.Maxx, and then I found this cool, vintage, pewter, handmade bracelet made by Lysguard, (the furniture maker?) Very nice piece that bracelet ended up being. My husband loved it when I showed him, and my sister-in-law did too. It was really "her" if you know what I mean. So all in all the evening ended up going well, and lotsa fun was had. She even showed us this beautiful apartment upstairs from hers that is in foreclosure, that I would LOVE for us to buy and live at. I love the idea of having a little family compound. I mean, we would all need our space, but I wish we could buy it and live there. Funny, my brother and his best friend both moved to Georgia and got on the same Fire Dept. there,(because it was impossible down here in South Florida at the time if you weren't a minority.) They ended up buying houses next door to each other, and they were both best men at each others weddings. They don't live next door to each other anymore, but just a few blocks from each other. Now I love the idea of that,....I wish all my family could live in the same neighborhood. Since I was a little kid, I always loved the idea of family all around. Everyone getting together every weekend, and on holidays, birthdays, special occassions. I miss that so much. I have a group of high school friends who all grew-up together and all lived and moved together from neighborhood to neighborhood. They all live in Georgia now too. There were five of them and they all live in the same neighborhood, and their business' all intertwine. It's nice. I wish I had stayed close to them all. Oh well,.....I guess I make do with what I have,.....my neighbors here that I adore, and their beautiful kids, and my two kittys, and the little life we have carved out here for now. Who knows tho where we will end up, or where life will bring us. I just know I will always have my husband and kittys. That means more than anything to me.

Sorry guys. I've been a little under the weather AND working like an animal. On top of that, now we are trying to rent out our condo on the beach, and getting all that together is a giant hassle in itself. People want to know why they can't look at the place immediately when they call. Well people, it's called a job, and life, and you're gonna have to work around me or else, ya know? People can be so pushy. If they can't see it like yesterday, they get all cranky. I always try to schedule it as easy as I can, but it's hard when I'm working almost 50 hours a week, and regular life stuff too. Oh well, I will just have to deal. I haven't even been on Ebay, or the computer. (Now you know I've definitely been busy, and not feeling well.) On the brighter side,....today was my first day back at the gym since June 19th, 2008. Yep,...I finally started. I can't for the life of me wonder why I didn't do it sooner. I guess I just had to work thru some stuff in my little head, and get thru it all. So I'm back finally and I will keep you posted on my weight training. I love how it makes me feel. I look at pictures of me 5 years ago even, and I looked so in shape, I had no idea. So many people have been so kind tho with my weight gain. People don't really understand when you tell them you have put on 35 lbs. and to someone who is only 5-foot short, it shows. They can say all the nice things they want, but I know what I used to look like and I know what I look like now, and there is no comparison. None. And I don't mean that conceited one bit, I just know how much better I was then, that's all. And then I have the situation of my husband who lent his ex-wife money when we were split up to only find out that she doesn't ever plan on paying him back. It was alot of money too. He said the only thing she kept asking about was us being married, and if he was still interested in coming back to her. People,....this is a very misguided, mean, lonely woman, who will stop at nothing to get him back in her life, and this is almost 19 years later! Move on you stupid, depressing thing! I am livid that she has the nerve to make him pay for something that she had no intention of paying back, and use him being married to me against him. She even has a child by someone, but said she would leave him (her baby daddy,)if he(MY husband) wanted to get back with her. Is she insane?!? Oh yes, just what he wants,....back into a family that gets into fistfights at the dinner table, has a truckers mouth, and all four sister's fight like cats and dogs, but say they love each other to no end. They are the ultimate whacked-out family. Family shouldn't even describe them. Thank god they are living in New York,.......and not down here anymore.(Fort Lauderdale, Fl.) I would lose my mind if she were anywhere near my husband and I. He is so shocked, and wondered what ever made him think anything of her to marry her in the first place. So much more I could say, but I think I will leave that for another time. Just Munky and I sitting here enjoying that quiet. I have to work all day tomorrow,.....11am to 9pm. Oh so fun to look foward to. I'll leave it at that,.....and when I can wrap my head around more of this ex-wife business, I'll explain more. (Part 2 tomorrow,...how's that?)

A regular working day

Worked all day today and some overtime even, and I came home, and my husband was getting ready to go to the casino. He is trying so hard to really learn how to play poker in the big leagues. He wants to become a professional poker player so bad. He's actually picking it up quite fast,(as he has done with everything his entire life,) and he's becoming quite good. He's been winning alot of money. He keeps it all in a log too, which is actually quite smart. We will see how this all plays out. He's got the time and money, and if it makes him happy, I'm all for it. So I came home from work, and Sugar always greats me in the front yard,...I play, and run around the front yard with him,(actually until he's done with me, and gets up on my car to watch his turf for the rest of the night.) Then I get in the house, and Munky usually runs right to me showing how happy she is to see me. I pet and play with her for about 10 minutes, and then I usually change clothes, watch my husband get ready to go, and I clean Munky's room, and feed her, which makes her very happy. She runs around all excitedly, and loves to show off on the now defunct ab-roller,(believe it or not, my husband STILL has abs.) Munky does gymnastics on it, and I laugh out loud at her, which makes her show off even more! She is too cute. My husband usually leaves, I make a snack, watch some Sex and the City and then sit down in the dining room, and Munky lays on the table right next to my laptop, and I write this, or I get on Ebay. Either one. That's my night. I usually start getting ready for bed around 2 a.m. and go to sleep on the couch with Munky,(she's not aloud in our bedroom YET, until she can get along with Sugar. That's HIS only place in the house that is all his. ) So instead of shutting her out and going to bed in the bdrm. I sleep on the couch in our front living room, and she snuggles right up to my legs. What a sweet little thing she is. My husband usually comes home around 8 or 9 a.m. and tells me all the stories about the people he met, or played against, and/or beat, or beat him. Funny stories tho, some of them. I go back to bed, and then I'm up and ready for the day around noon, and go to work around 3 p.m. So there you go. A day in my little life. Whoop-de-doo. Aren't you glad you know all that?

What made me who I am today somehow

Isn't it funny how certain movies really hit home? Have you ever watched a movie and have it change you forever? Alot of movies did that for me when I was a kid. I adored watching Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin movies, and Abbott and Costello. I laughed and laughed. I loved watching old Barbara Streisand movies, like "Funny Girl", "On a Clear Day", and "What's Up Doc?",....but the movie that really changed me as a kid was "The Wizard of Oz",.....believe it or not I fell in love with those red shoes, and to this day, have a very open wallet for shoes. I can't get enough. The next movie that really stands out with me was "The Sound of Music". Corny, I know, but I wanted to marry Christopher Plummer after seeing him as Capt.Von Trapp,- as a little kid. Then very easily I can remember in order the movies that made the biggest impression on me; "Rocky",(I saw it 13 times in the movie theatre! Hey,-that was alot of allowance money for an 11-year-old,) and for some odd reason, but I remember it to this day,...a movie I saw called "Aloha Bobby and Rose". I really remember the song 'Benny and the Jets' in it, and for some reason I think it didn't have a happy ending like all other movies I had seen, and that really shocked me. After that movie, I really realized at that young age that things don't always work out the way you hoped.(Obviously I had no concept as to what extent that could be in life.) I cried everytime I heard 'Benny and the Jets' after that for like a month. It just really shocked me. (I really was a very sheltered child,-what with being the youngest out of five, and a little girl, AND being very sickly,-in-and-out of hospitals all the time.) So yeah, I was very protected from alot of realities.Then came 'The Way We Were', and 'A Star Is Born', and both those movies made me think of how much it hurt to lose someone. It scared me to death. It made me so shaky that I became very dependent on having boyfriends, and being EXTREMELY NEEDY. The next movie that bowled me over was 'The Professional' with Jean Russo, and Natalie Portman,....who I dearly love them both to this day. The movie moved me like no other. I didn't go to alot of movies or watch alot of TV, I always listened to music, even as a little kid. I was kinda weird, I guess. Very much a loner, in my room I would lay on my pink, faux-fur rug, and play my 45's. My first big crush believe it or not was Elton John. After hearing 'Goodbye Yellow Brick Road' I was hooked on him forever. To this day even, he can do no wrong with me. (Not to mention I loved english accents.) Again to this day that is my all-time favorite album,.....my very first, and I bought it all on my own with my allowance money once again.This is how unknowing I was as a kid,...I can remember being in the car with my friend Jackie, and my mom taking us to the grocery store with her, and we didn't want to go in, we wanted to stay in the car and listen to the radio, and they announced on the radio that Sonny and Cher were getting a divorce and I started to cry, because I thought it was like the end of the world! I couldn't fathom them NOT being together. My mom came back and asked me what was wrong, and I told her, and she had to explain alotta things to me that I didn't want to hear or know about in my little life. I really thought everyone was happy. No bad endings for anyone. SO,..........the next big movie for me after that was "Gladiator", and I swear, I don't know how I never had heard of it, or Russell Crowe at the time, but that came outta left field, and knocked me right over. No movie evoked the emotion in me like that one. (And I guess it didn't help that in that movie, R.Crowe looked exactly like my husband, and I didn't even put it together until way later.) The writing, and lines in that movie so connected with my husband and I, it is definitely my ALL TIME FAVORITE MOVIE. Watching the ending of that,(SPOILER ALERT, in case somehow you haven't seen it), but I just can't watch it over and over. That's the only thing,.....I cannot watch him die, it's honestly like watching my husband die a million deaths, and I get very emotional and choked up. I literally blubber, and sob. Hits me where it hurts the most. So yeah,....that somewhat shaped my little mind in my life. What about everyone else's?

Okay, maybe I need help

Okay,....so Sunday I went to do some errands, like go to the grocery store, pick-up some kitty stuff, and then to go get batteries put in two of our watches. So I ended up going to do the watch battery thing first 'cause it was (conviently) at the mall. I went to the mall just to get batteries put in two watches, and ended up buying 2 pairs of shoes (on sale) at Macys,one pair at Bakers,(on sale),one pair at Nine West,(regular price,) two Gap sweaters,(on sale,)Fancy Love perfume (by Jessica Simpson that smells SO GOOD,) and 1 bottle of Essie nail polish I had to have. This is all in less than an hour it took to wait to put the batteries in the watches!!!Then I went grocery shopping with a little skip in my step. Happy as a little clam, I went on to get the kitty stuff, and I was done. Came home and went thru all my loot once my husband left to go play Poker with his buddies down the street. Is there something wrong with me or what?

I Can't Help Myself

Isn't it funny how when you get on Ebay, or Amazon, and you're looking at 'stuff', you find things that you just gotta have, but you really don't need?,....and not sure why you want it to begin with? I mean really. I get on both those websites, and there is no stopping me. (And I am not kidding.) I have bought all sorts of stuff,.....some of my BEST deals I've gotten was on Ebay.( I got a $2000 Chanel purse for $500!!! Not kidding. I even took it to the Chanel store in Boca Town Center and had the lady look at it to make double sure it was 'authentic'. It was.) IT'S A GORGEOUS BAG. How lucky am I? I haven't even been able to wear it yet. Anyways,....now I just found an Ellen Allard Tracy, navy, sequin jacket that I seem to HAVE to have. Yep. Gotta have it. I keep asking myself tho,..."where will I wear it?" and "when will I wear it?" I also got these great Samuel B. aquamarine earrings for like next to nothing. I've gotten so many things on Ebay I've lost count. I know, I know,....you probably think I'm throwing my money away, but I love the hunt, I love the bidding, and I love the win! I just can't help it,....I admit it,......I am definitely addicted to it. I absolutely canNOT get on Ebay,....it's like an obsession. It's the only thing besides my kitties that makes me totally happy, and makes me forget any (and all) my problems. (Except for going shopping at the mall myself.) I feel like I'm in another world when I shop,-isn't that scary? My husband has only been to the mall with me less than a handfull of times, and I'll never forget him saying to me,....."you turn into a different person." He couldn't believe it. (And neither could I.) I realized about myself that I have a very real addiction. I know it. I've fought threw being unable to drive alone, being unable to be home alone,(or by myself at all,) and being unable to live alone. I've conquered them all so far. I think I can eventually do this too. I think,....but I'm not sure why. So why?

My little man

I had a very unsettling day. My kitty Sugar came home with a big, ole, bloody hole in the back of his neck, and I about went into convulsions I was so damn upset. My husband was so good tho,....he went and got the Bactine and sprayed some on a paper towel, and pat it on Sugar's neck. I was so upset I started to cry. (Especially on a pure white kitty the blood looked so icky, and red.) We kinda figured out that its from him trying to go under our fence in the backyard to our neighbors house, (his original owner who left him,) and he's gotten so big now,(NOT fat tho,) that he can't slide under the fence like he used to when he was just a wee little thing. (He was so beautiful and perfect. How anyone in their right mind could ever leave this beautiful sweet kitty behind just baffles me to this day. I will NEVER understand.) So we baby-ed him, and we both sat with him, and he ended up going in our bedroom and going to sleep on our bed. (I don't think he was feeling well.) I even called into work late a couple hours because I wanted to sit with him. Broke my heart. I couldn't even think straight all day at work when I finally did get there. And to get even more kitty-ish, I took a little break at work and walked outside, and lo and behold, I saw a little Munky-twin run into the bushes. I tried to coax him/her out, but he/she were having none of it, and just disappeared. I was outside lookin' for almost 45 mins. before I realized I was at work and had to get back! That would have been so nice if Munky could've had a little brother or sister to grow-up with. I'll keep trying tho. Also,....just so you all don't think we are nutso,....as soon as Munky and Sugar can cohabitate peacefully and comfortably, we will make Sugar be an indoor kitty. No more outside stuff. I can't take it. Every single day I worry like a motherhen when I let him out. (Thank god all the neighbors here call us when they see him on a block too far away or something.) I freak out. You don't know how many times my husband and I have gotten in our cars and rode around looking for him,......the good thing tho, is he knows the sound of our cars, and he will run to us if he hears us calling him. But no more outside. (I know,-hey,-I didn't make him like this,....our former neighbor did. Can you imagine letting out a 10 month old kitten that looked like he does? Did she just think he knew how to be safe and take care of himself? And that no one would wanna grab him?! Are you kidding me?SORRY, ANY kitty for that matter!) I guess I kinda should be happy,.....we would've never met him if she hadn't let him out, right? He is one of the few loves of my life,....and thats no lie. No lie at all. (When we had to live at our condo, and Sugar was here, I came here EVERYDAY, and cried when I had to leave. I mean cried my eyes out,....I remember the first night I had to leave, and I cried so bad, I thought I was gonna die. I really did.) That six months aged my husband and I about 10 years, and I am not kidding at all one bit. So,...that's how my day started. How was ya'lls?

Oh no you didn't

I wish people would just sit back and look at things from other points of view. Some people have no idea of people or things going on around them and it makes me mad and very sad. No awareness. Do you think that homeless man wants to be like that? Do you think that overweight person wants to look or be like that? Don't you think everyone wants to dress in beautiful clothes and look great all the time? Well, think about it, before you look down your nose at someone, or dismiss them as not worth your time, or don't look the 'right' way, therefore not worth being nice to. I am so sick of people thinking they can just dismiss someone if they aren't up to their standards. Who the hell do they think they are? Judge and jury? I was in the store the other day when someone started to be disrespectful to someone standing in line in front of them, and I just HAD to say something,......and I did,....and they were so surprised I had a comeback and more for them,....they didn't know what to do,(I'll spare you the stupid details,) but they actually put their stuff down and walked out of the store. I had a BIG OLE smile on my face the rest of the day. That poor person just looked at me thankfully,......
...........why should I even have to do that tho? Why make me the bad guy? I mean I really understand sometimes when people say, "don't make me be a jerk",.....think about what has led up to that. I just had to get this off my chest, and I feel better now. But please think before you are dismissing, disrespecting, or taking advantage of someone or a situation. Really now,....because you know the saying, and I believe it wholeheartedly,...."what comes around, goes around",.........YES IT WILL,.....one day and one way or another.

My Munky, I mean Tuesday!

Today I took the first step towards selling our other property(s). One we will try to sell, and the other one,(thats oceanfront) will be rented out. We just can't seem to make ourselves sell that property. I mean we will never have an oceanfront property again in our lives. It's just too hard to get rid of. We have so many great memories, (and some really horrible ones too.) Obviously I have mixed emotions. How do people let go? I just know I don't want to live there full time. When we decide to move to Canada, we can hopefully keep it as a place to come back to, and for our family members to be able to stay at. That would make me very happy,-I know that. Someone would be enjoying and appreciating it. I guess we will have to see what happens. So big step today. Other than that, nothing else new happening here. The A/C at work is broken, and it feels like it's 100 degrees in there. I love going to work and sweating my clothes up. I wanted to come home and jump in the pool, but I forgot the kittys had no food, and my husband went out to his buddies house to play poker, so I ran out to the grocery store, and then didn't want to go in the pool by myself,....and it being night time. I am just too paranoid. Besides, I would miss Munky, and she would whine without someone in the house with her, and that just kills me. Couldn't do it. (Believe me, I live my life around the two kittys. I can't help it.) Well, now that I bored you to tears,.....I will be back tomorrow.

Are you serious?

It is 8:33 A.M. and I have to get ready for a meeting at work. What in the hell kinda company sets up a meeting at 9A.M. on A SUNDAY MORNING??!! Sunday morning? I couldn't believe it when I saw it posted. Nothing like getting up and having to go in so we can be told what we aren't doing right? I mean, right? Can't wait for this. What a way to start my first Sunday off in a month. I swear, sometimes life just sucks. And I'm just being cranky right now,.....so please understand my feeling sorry for myself,......let me go get ready,-yipee.(Lotsa grumbling goin' on over here.)

Meme questions

I just gotta be honest,......there are some things I just can't do without everyday. Like hugging lil Monkey every morning, and looking out at the backyard and the pool, and thinking how lucky I am to live in a beautiful home. And then there are the days when I'm happy staying inside all day, in my jammies, with either kitty, and napping and watching movies all day. Yup,....pretty happy little camper I am, doing absolutely nothing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. Does that make me really weird?-or just really lazy? (Just wondering.) So my last two days off I did nothing, and my husband was NOT HAPPY about it at all. I didn't cook, clean, or even get dressed. I ordered pizza for dinner,...and thats about all I did, except for moving from couch to couch, or bedroom to living room. In my defense I have really needed a day off, and I got two of them, so yeah, I did nothing. I don't care. Anyways,...I've been reading a bunch of other blogs, and everyone seems to be doing these meme things. Well, I will just do like 10 questions,(I'm sure thats more than enough anyways. You don't want to know me that well, do ya?...................................didn't think so.) So here we go,.....

1) What are your favorite hobbies?
Shopping, sleeping, and Ebaying. All in excess too.
2) What is your favorite resturant?
Well,...if we are talking like seafood, there is a resturant called Seawatch that is right down the street from our condo out east,(we could walk to it on the beach,)...and it's overlooking the beach,...they have great lobster sandwiches,...not lobster salad either,(blech!), real broiled Maine lobster sandwiches. To die for! Love,LOVE,LOVE them.
3) Favorite TV show(s),....
Mine is definitely a toss-up between Friends, The Nanny, Will&Grace, Sex and the City, Burn Notice, and Breaking Bad. All time fave tho is Friends. I can watch it over and over, and laugh just as hard, if not harder every damn time.
4) Favorite actor/actress and why.
Russell Crowe,....because I really love how smart he can be,...LOVE his movies,...and my husband looks just like him only alot bigger, and more muscular. (I know this because right after Gladiator came out, everywhere we went, people told us he looked just like him, so it's not only me saying this,---for your information.So there.) And as for actress',.....I'd have to say Barbara Streisand,....my parents tried twice to see her on Broadway in Funny Girl when my mom was pregnant with me,-but I wouldn't let it happen I was told,.....so finally a third time they got to see it. I know I loved her from that,....I had to, with that voice, and her humor,....I adore her.
5) Where were you born and how much did you weigh?
I don't usually tell anyone this, but I was born in New York, but came to South Florida when I was barely 2 years old, so I couldn't really tell you much about the place (N.Y.) at all. And as for my weight,...I was 2lbs.2oz. when I was born,...(believe it or not, that is why my dad named me Angel. For real.) My mom had a miscarriage before me, and my dad said if I survived, I had to be an Angel. So here I am. Yep,...lil ole me.
6)Are you a day or night person?
I'm definitely a night person. I hate getting up out of bed no matter what time it is. I love bed, and sleeping, and napping, and snuggling. Love it all. I always say I could live my life outta my bed if I could.
7)Favorite clothing.
Shorts and polos,...but it used to always be short dresses and wedges. I love to get dressed up,....if I could have my way,...I would dress everyday like the girls on Mad Men. I love those outfits and looks. Very classy,...and it always looks good.
8)Worst teenage memory.
Oh, this is easy. Having a crush on this guy for three years, and two years after high school, I watched one of my closest friends date my crush for a year,-it about killled me, but I'm still friends with my first crush and his brother and family,...NOT with that friend. I still think about that tho.
9) What is the hardest thing you've had to deal with in your life to date?
Well, I could say the traumatic legal stuff my husband and I have been going thru, but to be honest,...losing my dad,....15 years later I still cry my eyes out for how much I miss him. I just will never be able to get over it. Never. It hurts me to the core.
10)Have you ever ridden a/on a motorcycle, horse, or ATV?
Who the hell made up these questions? Weird, and stupid, but OK,.....I've ridden on the back of motorcycle plenty of times,...even from South Florida, to Sturgis,...all on the back of a Harley. I made my than fiance rent a motorhome and had one of his friends drive me back, because I couldn't even think about getting on that damn motorcycle for another second. Never again. A horse,...yes,...many times, but I'm not an expert by any means, thats for sure!

And I think I will leave the next 10 for another time. Anymore meme questions I can pass on, let me know. Whoo-hoo.

What's next?

I read the newspaper online at least once a day. The things that really scare me about people are reinforced every single time. Why is it like that? Weren't you raised to be kind, polite, and help people in need? I have helped ladies with groceries, I have helped guys in line with not enough money, I have certainly helped any animal I ever see on the road find their home, etc. Yet people look at me like I'm crazy when I'm doing this. Why? Do you not have a few seconds? Did I grow a third eye while you were looking at me? I mean what the hell. How frickkin' hard is it? Do you know how many times I smile at people and see them look at me befuddled? They have no clue. None. When we were kids, we were always polite, (maybe not to one another,) but to everyone else we were. If not, we were sent to our rooms to 'think about it' when we got home. And I did. I decided really young to always be polite, always think of others first, and always treat people how you want to be treated. Holy crap,....now-a-days, people have no idea about any of that. I can't believe how different people and kids are right now. It really scares me when I see these little girls walking around with Coach bags, tight jeans, and enough lip gloss to hang your entire house with wallpaper. And the clothes. My God! I was happy with a pair of Levi's and navy suede clogs. (I didn't even carry a purse until I was much, much older.) I even remember the very first time I put on make-up. My family went to some hotel,(I can't remember what the occassion was,) and they left little care-packages for everyone, and the one for the girls had make-up in it. All I did was use this tanned face powder as eye shadow and I thought I was the bomb! Oh, and pink creme blush for lipstick. I probably looked like a clown, but I walked on air that night at dinner, and no one said a word. Funny how little things like that stick in your mind. The other day I overheard some father saying how his 16-year-old daughter was outside taking a picture of the car she wants for her 18th birthday,....I walked outside to go to my car, and there she was with a camera, taking a picture of a brand new Mercedes no less! Where does this entitlement come from? I didn't even know(or care) what the heck a Mercedes was when I was 16!!! I was just happy to have a car with A/C, that got me around, and I was damn happy,-end of story. (Granted, I had a close girlfriend that for her 16th b-day she got a Maserati, but the car looked so unassuming, I never looked or thought twice about it. And another family I was close with all three kids got De Loreans for their 16th.) Shoot, I got a 1972, gold, Dodge Dart, in perfect condition, and I was happy as a clam! Believe me, I was on top of the world. But wanting a Mercedes? Who are these kids? And how do you raise them like that? That is why the world is the way it is right now. These next few generations will really only care about themselves, and what status symbol they can show off with. Can't wait to see what happens with them, and how the world will end up with them as adults.(sarcasm)

All about nothing

Well, I have the next two days off, and it's going to be spent cleaning the house,spending time with the Big Man and playing with the kitties. Sometimes I know I don't realize how good I have it until you see someone else struggling,...ya know? I know I harp on this,-but everyday ya gotta be thankful,-everyday. So many people I see everyday struggling, and you'd never know it. That's a real, hard thing to deal with. I get very bitter sometimes and hate the world,...and people. It never ceases to amaze me how ugly people can be. (And I want to say especially down here in South Florida.) To me, So.FL. has made an ugly name for itself with people being rude, careless, and just plain obnoxious. But my husband gets on me about being so bitter, and cold to people. I want to move somewhere where we can have some land, and all the animals we can afford, and let them have a good life, and not deal with people. I'd love to start a shelter for dogs and cats,....something really nice for them to have a happy life. One day. Anyways,....first I have to make sure my mom is healthy again, and then we have the legal stuff to contend with. (So much fun I can't stand it.) And I really do miss writing on here, and I WILL BLOG alot more.(You'll see.) Anyhow, there is this person at work I want to help, but I don't want to step on any toes. I am trying so hard to put this thing into action to help her, but I'm not sure it will be welcome. I will keep ya in the know as it happens. I love to help someone who really needs it and will really benefit from it, and I think the world of this person,....so we will see. So,.....just teaching Monkey how to not climb our blinds,...she broke them playing with them, and my husband was a little upset, but I'm teaching her. All she has to do is hear "No", and she stops and walks right away. (Thank God.) She is such a sweetie. She naps right next to my husband in the same chair,....too cute seeing this tiny little kitty with this 260 lb., tattoo'd man with this cute fuzzy little kitten napping together on our rocket launcher chairs. See? Little things make me happy. Thats all I need.

Just happy to be here

Well, I've finally achieved some 2 followers on here, and I don't even stay current on blogging now. How retarded am I? I am working like a dog,....I'm working so many hours, I don't know what day it is, what time it is, and if I'm getting up to go to work, or feed the kitties. I don't know how some companies run like this, but this is just crazy. I hope we get some relief sometime soon,....anyways,.....just thought I'd let ya know I'm alive, and somewhat well. Kitties are all doing well, and so is the Big Man,.....but I did want to post some pictures of the Great Dane that took Gibson's place in the World Book of Records,....he is so beautiful,...gorgeous dog,...his name is Boulder, and he is so shy and timid, it's hard to believe he is 250 lbs.! The couple that own him are the nicest, most gracious people and they love this dog like he was their kid. I love how they love him, makes me know that there are good people left in this world. So here are the pics.(And I promise I won't leave posting like that again!)