Thursday, July 28, 2011

No silver linings

Ok, so I've been working like an animal, and haven't been shopping anywhere at all. I'm still depressed, overweight, and energy-less. Nothing can change it but me, and I don't know where or how to get that energy. My mom is going thru a horrible time,....her spouse of almost 15 yrs. is in a nursing home and most likely won't be coming home again. She is having a very hard time dealing with this even tho she went thru it with my father. I'm really trying to be there for her as much as I can being over an hour away,...but I'm actually thinking of taking a leave of absence from wk. to help her some more. It's killing me that she's far away, and not near any family for her to lean on when she needs it most. I still have to talk to my husband about it, but I'm pretty sure he will be okay with it. My mom has decided to move near my older sister, but will be staying with her until she finds a place she likes. Thank god my mom is more than good financially, in this day and age, it's a miracle anyone is really. It'll be much easier for all our family to see everyone with three out of five kids, and our mom living all in one area tho. (That's the bright side I keep telling her.) Hey,- I'm trying to show her the silver lining,(too bad I can't take my own advice.) So from Key Largo, to Jupiter she will move next month. I wish my husband and I were moving there too, to be honest. Sooooo, older brother and his wife will be coming down from GA. and my other brother will help too, so we will have the whole gang almost. So,...yeah, it's still hard, I will miss him alot,'s like losing another father again almost. The next month or two will be very hard for all involved. It'll make me forget my crappy self, and focus on my wonderful mommy. Maybe that's what I need. And I'm still upset about not being able to go to my nieces wedding in Sept. in GA. Legally I can't go, so that's that. So it's really no decision to be made there, (which I HATE.) September will be my last month on probation. I'm DONE after that. This whole legal clusterf*c% will be over and done with,....completely out of our lives.(Sorry 'bout the language.) I won't know how to act tho. Wow. I mean really, it'll be 4 years of hell done with. I don't remember what normal life is like. And can you imagine when we move even? It will be totally, totally normal, and like nothing ever happened. It's so hard to imagine,'s like a dream, a road that's far away, and you keep getting closer and closer, but you think you will never really make it,....that's how I feel about this whole thing being over. I can talk all I want about it, but it won't make a difference until it really happens. It won't. And even then, we've been held down for so long now, you don't know how to come back up and adjust even when it is over. Yeah,-that's how my husband feels right now. Just can't adjust. I guess that's how my mom feels. No silver linings there. Not for any of us I guess.

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