Monday, July 18, 2011

Laying low kinda day

Off from work today, and it's dark and rainy. (My FAVORITE kinda day,...I love it.) Laying low,...not feeling good,....I've had a cold that my husband gave me along with that bracelet for my birthday, and haven't felt good since. Went to my mom's in Key Largo, and SO HAPPY to see her. Had fun seeing her, and we went out to our favorite place to eat lunch on the water. Very peaceful, but I'm still glad I never moved down there when my parents did. I can't take it down there. Not to live at least. To think people vacation and would LOVE to live there. Me,....NO WAY. I just like being near my mom tho,....I miss her so much. Why can't we live closer? I wish we had a compound, and all families lived close to each other. Wishful thinking. (And I know everyone doesn't feel that way about their family.)SO~ I'm going to start putting stuff up on eBay again,....I have to get rid of all these clothes, shoes, and handbags I've accumulated. Too much stuff, or at least that's how I feel right this second. Last night my sister-in-law came over, and cooked dinner, and we all watched the season 4 premiere of 'Breaking Bad'. What a show. I'm not a big TV nut, but this show is something else. It's gripping, and real, and heartbreaking, and ironic, and I could go on and on,...just unbelievable, and I can really relate to Jesse Pinkman,....I've known Jesse Pinkmans,....that character is so close to my heart, it hurts. You have to watch the show to know what I'm talking about, but it's the best TV I've ever watched. Already can't wait for next week's show. Anywho!~ last week I took a week off from work,(for my b-day,) and Saturday I got up early,(for me,) and went to the mall,...I made myself,....I've been having a hard time with my anxiety again,....major,.....and phobias. I feel like I can't go anywhere alone again, and I get all hyper, and corner myself into a big anxiety attack. It's hard, I haven't done that to myself since my mom went into the hospital and I had to drive down to Key Largo by myself 4 yrs. ago. Very hard. So I went to the mall, walked around, and ran into our next-door-neighbors that I adore,......a couple and their two daughters that I've watched and LOVE them to death! We walked around, had lunch, got pedicures, and I got my ears pierced, was a fun, girly, kinda day,....but I feel like I cheated. I feel like I didn't walk around by myself, like I was trying to make myself,....but it was too fun, and at the time I didn't care. If I felt better now I would go today and make myself do something alone, but I feel too sick. I don't know. My problems are so overwhelming to me, that I don't know where to start to help myself. I've made an appt. to see the psychiatrist again for next week. I'm actually looking forward to that. I am. I think it helps me,....even if I think it helps me, helps. (Make sense?) I know,....I'm confusing myself now. Let me go lie down with Munky, and all my problems disappear. Going in for a nap,-see ya.

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