Cut and dried

I'm watching all the Super Bowl coverage, and happy that the Packers won. I ended up not going to meet my friend at Cheesecake Factory, but we will try again another time. I did nothing all day but worry about having to go to probation tomorrow morning. I HATE it. It's so demoralizing,...they actually say over the PA things like "officer so-and-so, there is an offender in the lobby for you". Really? Really? Screw them. Like they are so above everyone. So effen what. People make mistakes, and some of us don't belong there,....screw them, and this whole damn thing. I CANNOT wait til this whole crappy legal s%it is all over and done with. Then I can thumb my nose at all those damn P.O.s,.....HATE them all. Everytime I have to go it puts me in a horrible, horrible mood. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I just want things to change, and I think we will all be better for it. Munky, Sugar, and Stripe kept me occupied today. All so sweet, ......all the kittehs make me so happy. I love them so much. My husband and I have been getting on each other's nerves, and with me, like I said,-I'm in a bad mood leading up to going to probation, so I know it's probably me. I just can't deal with anything. Nothing. I'm very cut and dry. If something goes wrong, I'm already onto the next thing. My husband is the type to go over things in excess. (Drives me nuts.) I can't do that. I've trained myself NOT to dwell on things. It's like a defense mechanism. When I was younger I would make myself to the point of being physically sick if I dwelled on something that was bothering me. The older I got, the worse I got about it. So,-when I finally started bartending, I became too tired all the time to worry that much about things, and I worked-out like an animal then too. I know that helps alot mentally too. ALOT. I know I have to start working-out again for my health, and mostly for my emotional state, to keep my head in the right place, but I don't dwell like I used to when something bothers me. I just can't, and if I do, (like probation,) I just become a total bitch about three days out. Yup,...thank god for the kittehs,-how I love spending time with them. I'm lucky I have them. (So is my husband now that I think of it,-even if it's just to keep me in a good mood.*giggle*)