Not for the better

Well this year is off to horrifying start. My co-worker, and very good friend's sister (age 26) died Wednesday, and tonight at work, someone who used to work with us, we found out, was found dead this morning. This is just starting out so, so, horrible. ANOTHER co-worker just found out her condo has been foreclosed on, and I'm about ready to go over the edge with all this. I mean really? How does all this happen in less than a week of the New Year? How? If this is any indication of how this year will be than I want a do-over. Go right back, and start ALL OVER. I have probation next week, and I'm dreading it. I cannot wait til this whole fiasco is over in our lives, and we can be normal people again. You really have no idea. For all the great stuff that we have in our lives; our health, each other, kittehs, a job with benefits, and our family, financial security,....this whole legal clusterf*$% ruined our lives. I am so messed-up from this whole thing. I'll never be the same again for the rest of my life. I'm not whinning, I'm just stating a fact,....I quit working-out,(I worked-out for 22 years,we owned a gym, working-out was a big part of our life.) I don't trust anyone at all, most of all,- cops. I'll never understand how this all got to this point and so far out of control in our life. I'm so paranoid, absolutely NO blinds or windows can be opened at any time in our house. NONE. EVER. And my husband feels the same way. We feel like we are still/always being watched. (We were,- and numerous neighbors told us after the fact.) So our entire home was wrecked from floors, to walls to cabinets being torn off the walls. Yep. What was once our beautiful home was ruined on some trumped up charge that ended up being false anyways. Doesn't matter. Not anymore. I just know that the last years have changed us both, and there is no going back. We have aged from the stress of it all unbelievably. How do people really live thru stuff like this? I will just never understand it all,-NEVER. I'm a changed person and not for the better. Not for the better.