Christmas past

It's Christmas morning,(well our morning,) and I'm such a horrible wife. I didn't prepare anything for my husband, not even a card. Work the last few days has made me insane, and I just couldn't collect my thoughts enough to plan anything. I feel so overwhelmed now. I guess it's another side effect of our wonderful "legal situation" we've been living. I can't seem to concentrate on anything, or get myself together,...ever. That scares me. Will I forever be this way now? I can't seem to clean, or organize, or anything. I hear myself saying this, and I know these are all signs of depression. I'm a functional depressed person. Somewhat functional. I'm a horrible, horrible wife right now tho. I am. I can't seem to get myself together tho, it's been 4 years now I think. I just can't go back to how I was before. I can't get myself to the gym, I can't seem to not be tired all the time, and I can't stop myself from not caring about anything enough to do something about it. Why is that? I'm horrible, horrible, horrible. I feel like I'm talking about another person. Where do I start, and this overpowering feeling of helplessness end? When does it end? I keep thinking I'm going to snap out of it. Well,-SNAP already. I wanna go back, I wanna go back. THATS what I want for X-mas,--- to be my old self again.