I'm just going to ramble right now,....but I'm hating my life. All I do is work and sleep. New Years Day and I had to work. I HATE it. It's freakin' ridiculous. I don't mind the sleeping part, but the working 50 hours plus makes me insane, irritable, and just plain mean. I HATE my life right now. It's NOT anything to do with my husband,....I just hate everything else right now. I'm not comfortable or happy where we live, we aren't moving anytime soon, I'm in a job I dislike immensely, and everyday is like pure torture,.....nothing makes me happy or motivated to get back in shape. I know what triggered it, I just don't know how to get my motivation back. I just can't seem to care enough. I don't want to get into the whole weight thing. I NEVER had a problem in my life with weight,....but apparently now, I can't even get into the gym to TRY to workout. I don't even want to weight-train anymore,...I think I want to do Pilates. Much better and easier on my joints, and body. But I still can't figure out why I don't care anymore. And then there's the whole 'hating people/cops' thing. I let it take me over sometimes. It's not pretty either. I see what people do to one another, the sick things that are done to children, and the horrifying things done to (my) animals. It will never cease to amaze me how sick people can be. I HATE the very air they breathe. I have so much anger and hatred towards people I scare myself sometimes. I have been arguing with my husband about seeing a psychiatrist, therapist, counselor, anyone, and try to sort my head out, but he is one of those guys who thinks that kinda stuff is unnecessary. (If you know what I mean.) Thank god for my SIS.(sister-in-law.) She is deeming it necessary for me to talk with someone, ANYONE. And I agree. I will go see someone, -I just don't know who yet. I can't even get myself motivated to try to find someone,-THATS how bad I am. I can't concentrate, I can't stay on track, and I'm hatin' too much. I know,....I'm gonna get help soon, so don't worry.