Not looking foward to Spring

Well what a great surprise tonight. I came home from work and my husband had a delicious pasta dinner cooking and laundry in the washer and dryer. I was so happily surprised. Too bad my husband wasn't in such a great mood to match the happy face I had walking in on all this. Tomorrow we are going to try to go and get some barstools that I found at Faith Farm,....we'll see if we can get three good ones for some sort of good deal. I hope we can. Maybe we can get to Boynton Beach Faith Farms sometime in the next few days. They probably have BETTER stuff there too. Anyways,....the anniversary of my fathers death is coming up in April. It will be 15 years since my father has been gone,....and I still cry my eyes out if I start thinking about him too much,....or a song comes on that he used to love,........he was such an awesome person to be around. I miss the great times I had with him. I was always a 'daddy's girl',....always. This may sound really weird to some people, but even when I was little, me (and my one sister,) were always extremely jealous of ANY female around our father. We would be very standoff-ish, very mad, and sullen,....we wanted ALL his attention. He was 'our daddy', and no one would come between us and him if we had anything to do with it. My sister and I would try every chance we could to go to work with him whenever he would take us. We would secretly check out any woman that would so much as walk by him. We were SO POSESSIVE. Can you imagine? I think back and wonder if we were as obvious as I think we were. How everyone must've laughed and thought that we were so cute, (or ridiculously funny, or just plain weird,-pick one.) We would be so happy to go to work with him, (at the hospitals.) We thought he had pizza parties with the nurses everyday. (It killed us when we were waiting for him to come home from work.) We would sit there and whisper about all the fun he must be having without us. You have no idea the little things we came up with. The older we got, the more little things we appreciated,.....the music he listened to; Jim Croce, Stevie Wonder, Barbra Streisand, Kingston Trio, Glenn Cambell,....the food he'd make for us; the best scrambled eggs ever, pastina whenever we were sick, all sorts of homeade breads, and always made the BEST Brandy Alexanders on X-mas Eve, -God they were SOOOO GOOD! He used to let us cuddle him on the couch, put our feet under him to keep us warm, season our food (because his ALWAYS tasted better,) sit with us till we fell asleep, and never,ever, forgot to bring us presents or candy whenever he went away for more than one day. 'Our daddy' was our knight-in-shining armor, our hero, the perfect man all rolled into one. No one could be better than him to us. Taught me how to ride a bike, swim, play jacks, and make homemade bread. So many moments I'd give to redo with him. I feel horrible about a few things I did when I was a teenager to both my parents. I feel SO HORRIBLE to this day,....it eats me alive. It really does when I think of what I put my parents thru. How could I have done these things to them? I mean I was a teenager, but what a horrible brat I was. I needed a beating. For real. Maybe some sense would've been beaten into me. It's also why I probably never wanted kids. I never wanted a 'me'. I honestly don't know what I would do if I had a kid that did all the things I did. Especially now-a-days. Well,........in my defense, I was a kid, but still,........

So,....yeah, I have an extremely hard time every April just missing my father like crazy. I go to where he is buried and leave flowers, and a little minature bottle of scotch,....thats what he loved to drink,(scotch and sodas.) Always
loved to meet and get to know new people, loved to travel, both my parents were extremely NON-judgemental,-almost to a fault. Never,ever judged anyone for anything,....welcomed just about anyone with open arms. Loved to have big holiday parties, giant family get-togethers, and loved family trips. My parents took me to Tokyo, Japan when I was 15 yrs.old, for a week, and we had a ball. So many great memories. On about (literally) 11 cruises to every island imaginable, Mexico,Haiti, Jamaica, St.Martin,Puerto Rico, Cayman, and been to England, Canada, Japan, Italy,and my other siblings have gotten to go to Germany, Russia, Austraila, New Zealand,Spain,France, and Portugal. (My parents went around the world twice. Some people say that it was at our, -the kids,- expense, but I don't agree.) All five of us kids wouldn't be who we are if it weren't for our parents and the people they are, (and were.) My parents were awesome, and disgustingly in love until the day my father died. We would come out of our rooms from doing homework, or from taking a nap after school,(or work,) and my mom would be sitting on my dad's lap, and they would be kissing and laughing,....my mom was so devoted, and lovingly waited on my father hand and foot. She also worked full-time, went to nightschool to get her degree in Aviation and Administration, she still came home and cooked dinner just about every night. But when my father retired, and my mom was still working, he cooked and cleaned everyday,....he did laundry, and that's when he really got into all the different breads he started to bake. He could cook french cuisine like no one's business. I wish so much,....I wish so much. I just miss it all,.....him all. My whole family,....all our togetherness. 15 years,....yep,....it's gonna be a rough month, April.