Same difference

I worked a ten hour day today, and came home to my SIL, and hubby cooking fresh fish, steamed mussels, and fresh roasted vegetables. What an awesome dinner. Watching the Oscars,....and my girl Natalie Portman won 'Best Actress' for 'Black Swan'. I am SO HAPPY for her. I've adored and followed her ever since 'The Professional',(one of my two favorite movies of all-time, the other being 'Gladiator', and I since have added 'No Country for Old Men'.) I think she is the perfect, consummate actress. She's smart,(graduated from Harvard,) beautiful, (she's been stunning even at 11 yrs. old in 'The Professional',) very private, (I've never heard of one guy that she's ever dated,) and such a good person,(she's vegan, only wears non-leather shoes and has very strong opinions on such things,)......I should ever be even a quarter of the person that she is, I'd be happy. She's the one I'd love to be,....NOT Paris Hilton,...NOT Kim Kardashian,.......Natalie Portman. That's a true star,...someone you can believe in, who stands for what she believes, and doesn't veer from course. SORRY,...I just really believe in her, and think she's just spectacular. Okay,...enough. Anyways,....I've been very depressed the last week or two. It was nice coming home to dinner being cooked, and a happy, busy home. I really miss my family; my mom, my sister, brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins,...all,.....our life is really so different than what I thought it would ever be right now. Especially right now. Just the thought of having to go to probation next week is already killing me. Already. I just hate myself and my life right now. I don't care about anything, I'm not interested in anything,....I just wanna sleep my life away. I have 14 more gruelling months to go. O. M. G. I can't even think about that. I can't. It makes me sick. Maybe I'll have something good to say tomorrow on my day off. (If I can get my fat-ass outta bed.) If I'm real adventurous, I'll try to get my taxes done tomorrow. We'll see.