Monday, February 7, 2011

Five more months

Today pretty much SUCKED like I thought it would. Going to probation was horrendous. I couldn't believe when I got there that the waiting room was full, right along with about 2o people standing and waiting outside. Can it get ANY MORE uncomfortable? Can it? I was HATING life, people, that place, and everything else you could think of. Just having to hear conversations there just made me wanna scream. Who was in what prison, who did what to have to serve 7 years, who is on what drugs/medication(s), etc. etc. etc. I wanted to rip my ears off my head and jump up and down on them until I was deaf. (I have to remember to bring my Ipod -for the millionth time.) I just don't feel like I belong there, and there are others that I can pick-out that don't belong there too. You can spot them a mile away, and you can spot the repeat "offenders" in a second too. Nightmare. Oh yeah, I went to the mall when I finally got outta there, and cleaned out my checking account, and half my savings. I frikkin' can't take it tho. I was in tears when I got in my car to leave. I HATE that place and nothing is going to make it better until I am done. Five more months,(which means five more visits.) Right after my 46th birthday. Happy Birthday to me. What a freakin' joke my life is right now with all this crap. My husband too. (He handles it ALOT better than I do by far.) I know I'm whinning, but I just can't help it. It's. That. Bad. (Having to go there.) How do people do this for years and years? It's no wonder there ARE repeat offenders. That place will drive you to it. Trust me,-it will. SO~~~I went to Macys and bought some INC. topssssss, and some Steve Madden shoes, a sterling silver and black diamond double knuckle ring, my husband some Tommy Bahama cologne,(for Valentines Day,) and some undereye gel, and,.....(I'm thinking,....) what else did I get? I know there is more,....ummm,......went to the Gap and found an awesome sweater, (big, soft ,navy and white fisherman sweater) and a really soft navy with white polka dots scarf,(it's gotta be REALLY soft or I won't buy it,) and back to Macys and got a pair of black leggings (from Splendid,) and some MAC lip glosses,......and I think that's it,...actually I'm sure I'm forgetting some stuff, but my mind is so smattered and beaten down I couldn't even tell you my name right now if my life depended on it. Honestly. I just cooked dinner, played with the kittehs, and watched some hockey, and vented to my husband, (but it'll be his turn on Weds.)So I will be signing off now. Thanks for letting me vent. I needed it, and I'm sorry if I sound like a jerk, or spoiled brat,-I don't mean to, because I know how lucky I am to even be where we are at right now in every other aspect of our lives, and WE ARE VERY lucky,...I know,....and I'm very thankful EXCEPT for all this in our lives. I will be a totally different person when this is all over,-trust me on that.

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