Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I just can't handle it.

I'm trying so hard to keep myself always occupied. What with work, and Sugar and the new kitten, (Monkey), I do get that done most of the time.(But with 'Breaking Bad' having had it's season finale Sunday night, I'm all bent outta shape.)On a dead serious note, -we got the 'depositions' in the mail from our lawyer, and read again all the awful stuff that had happened to us last year,....I kinda lost it. My day off I just couldn't get going, and I couldn't focus on anything, and I could'nt even get out of my jammies. I mean, I am paranoid as hell right now. What with our lawyer telling us we shouldn't live in our neighborhood because he basically thinks the cops will be 'after us' if my husband doesn't get any kinda 'jail time' for the stupid thing that was found in our house. I am so damn angry I wanna scream. What the hell kinda world do we live in that we have to be AFRAID of the cops? I am so unusually angry, and mad, and paranoid, and just plain tired of always being on guard. I don't know how this will all end up, but it's just becoming too much. I guess we will have to put our beautiful house up for sale, and our other two properties, and move somewhere out of the area. I mean this really sucks. I really think I should go talk to a shrink or something. I can't handle anything right now. I just am at my wit's end as to how to relax, and I can't tell you the last time my husband and I went out to dinner and had any fun. It's been so long since anything good has happened in our lives. I never thought we would be in this spot. Not in a million years. I would've laughed in someone's face, and bet my life that this could've never happened to us,...but it did, and it has, and we are facing some ugly possibilities in our lives. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but it's hard, and old real fast trying to keep a front on all the time, ya know? I guess now I know if my husband has to 'go away' for awhile, I definitely can't stay in our house alone. No way. I just don't know anything,.......it's so hard to not know your future. It makes me crazy thinking I'll be away from my husband for ANY AMOUNT OF TIME. Just a moment at a time I guess,....I don't have a choice. It just really sucks, and it's not fair, and I hate the world right now, and people, and cops,........and everything. It's not fun feeling watched and unsafe from the cops in your own home.


merelyme said...

Not knowing anything...it really does suck.

Sarah Elizabeth said...

Oh girl. That sounds terrible. I feel so awful for you and your husband. I can't remember if you have told the story of why this is happening to you, so I can't comment on specifics, but I'm fairly certain you both do not deserve this AT ALL. I will keep you in my prayers!

Just take advantage of your husband, family and friends in a time like this. They all love you and I'm sure will be willing to help in any way. Even if it is just a shoulder to cry on.