I feel trapped in a little box called my life. I go to work, I come home, play with lil Monkey and Sugar, talk with my husband, eat some dinner, and get ready for bed. Thats how it goes, day after day,....week after week. I don't know when all this stress will end. I see myself years ago,...and I don't remember the last time I've even felt attractive. I'm 40lbs. heavier, my hair is 8 inches shorter, my body and face hasn't seen the sun in years, and I haven't been to the gym in a year as of June 19th(of last year.) I have disinagrated before my own eyes. I try to care,...but sometimes I wonder what for. Sometimes I remember what it was like to not worry about my looks. I never knew I looked okay until now. I look back, and wonder how I got to now,I'm just a mess. A TOTAL MESS. I never knew how good I had it until now. I feel like the best years of me are gone,.....totally passed me by, and I'm only 44. I watch other women,....my age,.....and I now know,-I am a total goner. I just can't seem to care enough about myself,......I'm so tired all the time,....I just want to nap with my kitty, and never leave my bedroom. That or just walk around the mall for hours on end, looking at all the pretty clothes, shoes, and jewelry. Just people watch. I'm always so curious about people,.....I don't like them, but I am curious, I have to admit. It's a weird catch-22. I am so thankful tho for the little things,.....seeing my kitty happy outside playing,....thunderstorms and cuddling,....holding my husband's hand at night falling asleep,....the little things. Why can't I be thankful for little old me?
Thoughts on Mother's Day
1 month ago