Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A Moment in my World and Mind

I have tomorrow off from work, and I am so glad. I'm watching Monkey run around and play, and Sugar just went outside, husband is playing cards with his buddies in the neighborhood, and I just wish we could be happy and settled, and know what we are doing. I hate feeling 'unsettled'. It seems like as soon as we get comfortable somewhere, all changes. Will we ever get stable? I wonder where we will be? I'll have to start all over at another job,....just to start all over again kills me. I'm finally comfortable at my job now and I didn't even want it. I almost hoped they wouldn't call me back, but they did, and I like it, and I'm comfortable, and it's close to (so-called) home. So what else could I ask for? I'm lucky I have a job. Right? Right? And today I actually got stuff done before and after work. Starting to come around. Friday is D-Day for the gym and/or working out in someway again. It will be a year to the day that I stopped working-out, and was so traumatized by all that had happened and gone on. My husband wasn't home for 72 hours, and I was literally in shock,......literally. Our home was ripped to shreds by asshole cops of every sort; local PD,FBI, and DEA. Cabinets ripped outta the walls,complete walls knocked out, furniture overturned, drawers emptied, closets torn out, doors off hinges,....shall I go on? Even our cars were 'tossed'. It took us SEVEN WHOLE MONTHS to get our house 'liveable' again. I cried almost every single day. I couldn't do a thing. I almost slid back into not being able to drive, or go anywhere alone again. Almost. Thankfully I didn't break. I couldn't or it would've been that much harder for my husband. He has been thru far too much. You have no idea,....and he is such a great man. I am so lucky to have him in my life,....honest. There is no one like him to me,....EVER. He is college/book smart, way street smart, can hold a conversation with anyone and impress every last one. He can be down and dirty with the best of them, and is so handsome, it hurts. I am a lucky, lucky gal,-no lie. I just wonder where our journey will led us, and where we will end up? Here, or Canada? Near my sister-in-law in Boca, or further away near my brother in Georgia? I would love to move and get alot of land, and have dogs, and kitties. A home. A real home with a front and back porch you can sit on and relax in the early mornings, or late nights, and just enjoy the quiet and peacefulness. And overlook all our property and see wild animals roaming,....and not have neighbors overlooking everything you do. A place that has charm and space to be comfortable, not pretentious, ---a place that is roomy, not cold. I picture hardwood floors, fireplaces, and old creaky heavy wood doors. Windows that open up-and-down, screened doors that squeek and slam, and porches that are comfortable enough to put rockers or swings on, and sit happily. A big wooded yard with some sort of water, whether it be ocean, river or lake, we wouldn't care. Feeders for all the wild animals would be built on our property. Only the best for them. ABSOLUTELY NO HUNTING OR YOU WILL BE HUNTED signs posted from one corner to the other on the property. It's just what I picture in my little idyllic world. Whether it ever happens or not, it's what I hope for. Peace and happiness and to be with my husband, that asking for too much?

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