I'm trying

I haven't been writing here like I used to. Life seems to be getting the better of me, and I'm having
a hard time coping. I feel overwhelmed. My job is running me over. Trying to get two places ready to sell is making me crazy. I guess I'm still depressed. My panic attacks are still there,....and I'm having problems driving to far places. I feel like I've digressed. One step forward, two steps back. I'm on the edge of going back to the gym to start lifting weights again, and maybe that will help a little bit. But I still haven't gone. Anyways~ hoping that we will be getting outta here by July, but selling a condo and a home right now will make or break that time frame. Still selling stuff on eBay. Lots of clothes, shoes, and bags. I just got a great deal on Ross-Simons on a beautiful black diamond station necklace. (Hey,- I really have to do something to make myself feel better somehow,-besides my kittehs. For real.) Day by day, our lives go by,.....and I wonder when we will start living it again. My friend told me about a place in Palm Beach that is a wildlife sanctuary that you can actually pet, hold, and play with big cat cubs. It's not how it sounds either. It's very safe, and controlled environment for people to learn about animals and big cats. The animals are free, but the people are not aloud to roam at will. I like that. People have a lot to learn from animals. (We are the ones that should be caged.) I'm hoping my husband and I will go soon. I'd adore to be able to hold and play with big cat cubs. That would just be so unbelievable to me. Believe me, if and when we go, pictures will be posted. Trust me on that. I'm chomping at the bit waiting to go. There just seems like there is always so much to be done here, and never time for the fun stuff. I mean, we watch movies,.....play with the kittehs, cook dinners,....etc. and still we need more stuff to have fun, and feel like we are living. This house just makes us feel like prisoners in our own home. It really does. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Well,~ I have to do cardio before work, so I'm off. Hope everyone is having a great day, I'm going to try my hardest.

Thank god for kittehs

This is what makes me happy all the time, and I need that whenever I can get it. My kittehs. Munky and Sugar are the little lights of my life. I love to watch them outside looking at lizards, or frogs, hiding in the bushes, or jumping in the air to catch a flying bug.Even in the house, when they are running, and playing tag,-they are adorable and amazing.I NEVER tire of watching them. I learn to be more patient from them. (They have the patience of a saint when they hunt.) I've learned to be quiet and listen,- silence can tell you a lot. To be more aware always. Yes, my kittys make me a better person believe it or not. I have learned from them, and in return I hope I've given them a better life, and all my love, and that in my little world, says a lot. My babies. Thank god for kittehs,...and ALL animals; the loves of my life.

I used to, I was, I wish

Okay, so I'm going to try this again and not think about all my anxiety, and self-doubts, and all my stupid feelings of inadequacy. I'm going to think about my good times when I was in shape and weightlifting, and still thought I wasn't good enough. I used to dress like all the girls do now, all my favorite fashionistas. (Nicole Richie, Olsen twins, Rachel Bilson, Kate Bosworth.) I used to be that size but more in shape and with some muscle tone, and tanned. Yep,...I look back now, and think I was pretty cool and didn't even know it. (NOT trying to be conceded by any means, but I tried, and I looked like I want to look now,-looking back on it,-that's all.) I always dressed in cowboy boots, and high wedges, -ALWAYS-, even in ripped up denim shorts, and old t-shirts. So my look now is more like; whatever fits, is clean, and doesn't make me feel like a clown, I'm wearing and that's just pitiful. Totally. Our lifestyle has changed, and I don't know how to get it back on track. I don't. I keep saying that when we move from here, things will get back to normal, but really? That could be another year, or six months even. I'm so sick of waiting for our 'normal' life to start. It's so hard, and I don't know how to climb out of this hole I've dug for myself. I'm really trying, but most of the time I'm just too damn tired to be organized, or put an outfit together, or even care. It's Valentine's Day, and I could barely get outta my jammies, and go run my errands for eBay,......and yep, I called in sick at work,....THAT'S how bad I'm feeling. I just can't deal. I can't. What the hell is wrong with me?......................and oh yeah,.....Happy Valentines Day. Whopee.