Wish I never knew

I've been working for two weeks straight,....without,....a,....day,.......off,.......I want to put forks in my eyes, - I'm so freakin' tired. I did help this mother and son today that I met at work last year, and they are having a rough time of it,...and they still adopted two cute little kitty siblings from the Humane Society, and the kittys started eating everything they possibly could in the house. Plastic bags, towels, sheets, clothing, socks,....I mean everything, and I was so heartbroken that they might die from this awful thing they started doing, that I made an appt. at a vet's office, and we all took them and I paid for them to have everything done from shots, exam, and everything to figure out what could be wrong. So hopefully all is well $200 later. No shopping for me this week, but it was definitely well worth it. They are beautiful kittys. Beautiful. And so sweet. I loved them the second I laid eyes on them. So we are all happy now. Very. But just watching people on the news with animals just puts the fear of god into me. How anyone could EVER hurt or be mean to any cute kitty is absolutely beyond my comprehension. ANY ANIMAL. I will NEVER understand, or think its okay. NEVER. I will forever say it again and again,...animals are by far, better than people will ever be. I love animals far more than I like people,....true story. I HATE people. They are ignorant, and destructive, and greedy. HATE. THEM. ALL. HATE 'EM. Thank you very much. HATE the very air they breathe. I would much rather spend the day with my little peanuts, than be around any person any day. After volunteering for almost a year at a No-Kill Cat Shelter, I came home crying almost every single goddamned day. From asshole people, and seeing what they do to these beautiful intelligent creatures. Made me sick, and if I stayed any longer, I woulda ended up in jail. I swear I would've killed someone it was so sickening. Thank God for places like that. The last straw was them bringing in this sweet kitty that was found nail-gunned to a wall in a deserted home. AND,...to make matters worse, they figured out who did it, and wouldn't tell me. That's when I knew I had to stop volunteering there. I waited till the kitty was nursed back to health and was positively okay,...but I couldn't understand them not letting me know who did it. I knew that was it for me. See how disgusting people are? I want to do to someone what they did to that kitty. Tenfold. Believe me,....I have fantasies about it. If I ever caught someone doing anything at all to hurt ANY animal, they will wish they never met me,...thats all I can say. I swear it til my death, thats for sure.

Too angry

I'm working SO DAMN MUCH I honestly don't know what day it is or the date even. I just can't seem to get myself together enough to do anything worth while. Can't clean, can't do anything it seems. I can barely make myself shower everyday. I know I'm depressed and need a good swift kick in the ass, but nothing is forthcoming. Do I care enough to do something about me? No. Do I care enough to try to apply for this other job in a doctor's office to make something a little better? No. Do I care enough to try to clean the house before my poor husband goes bezerk from me NOT cleaning or doing anything? No. The few things I do care about is walking Munky every nite,....giving her a good life,....trying to make a difference and saving some poor animals that otherwise wouldn't have a chance in hell because of some disgusting people. How I hate people,.....I hate them with every breath I take. I swear it. I even saw on the news tonight about some disgusting animal shelter in Medley, Florida and how horrifyingly, inhumane, they are when they put the animals down. Let me get ahold of that guy they showed killing them. I swear with all my might, just give me one measley little minute with that pig of a person, and he will feel pain like he's never felt in his life. I swear it. One minute. What a piece of shit he is. How that man, and whoever else worked there could let that happen and can live with themselves, I will NEVER know. NEVER,.............NEVER. How? Please explain this to me,...PLEASE. How can people do that? How? It's disgusting,....just unbelievably disgusting. It makes me want to be violent towards them, and do horrible, painful, things to them. Like in that movie 'Law Abidding Citizen'. I mean that's like my fantasy, only whoever hurts animals,...and rapists. Trust me. I'd LOVE it. Thanks for letting me vent. I needed to I'm so angry and horrified. I really need to go talk to someone, I know. I will, I will.

When will I be get back to normal?

Have to go to work today,(in less than 2 hrs.) and I'm hating it. I have to work the next 3 days, and I feel like there is no end in sight. I actually had someone offer me a job in a doctor's office that I'm going to call first thing Monday. Anything. I need something to jolt me out of my unhappy little world. I mean I'm not miserable,(as much as I sound like I am,) - I have my wonderful husband, my adorable, lovable, kittehs, (that are the light of my life,) and we have two beautiful homes, how can I really be miserable? I'm just not happy with myself. I can't get myself back to where I used to be as in going to the gym, and working-out, and being in shape. I had so much hunger for weightlifting, and cardio, and exercising. Now, ever since our legal fiasco,....NOTHING. It's been 3 yrs. now, and I have gone up to a size 8 in pants and 14 in tops. Yep. Mind you, I was a size 2/4 before. Yup. Now, I'm just a mess, and I don't know how to dig myself out. I'm a 5 foot rollie-pollie weeble. I look ridiculous, and I can't seem to make myself care enough yet to do something about it. I keep thinking I'm going to wake-up one morning and just go, "I'm going to get in shape now." Really? Really? What will it take? What? I have cut myself off from every friend I've ever had, (except for one,- I need one,) and I refuse to see anyone at all. I just do stuff alone or with my husband who is going thru the same thing just not as extreme as me. He is still in phenomenal shape, he's 50!!! He looks like guys wish they could look, believe me. He feels like crap tho. He just had double hernia surgery right before X-mas, and not working-out, our legal crap, and the holidays got to him pretty bad too. We are just a ball-o-fun here, let me tell ya. So~I'm off to work. Another day, another dollar for shopping. That's something to look forward to, right? I'll get back to ya on that.