Just thinking out loud

So I got thru the 4th of July weekend at work, and now I'm off for two days. Nice. I live for my days off, (as does I'm sure everyone does.) I was going to plan an early morning at my SIL(sister-in-law), but it was rainy and dark, and I called her and let her know I wasn't coming. It's too nice ,I want to just stay in and lay around. My hubby is still sleeping,(4:34pm.) He was playing poker all night. So I got up around 1pm and just been sitting here with the kitteh on the laptop. No TV, no lights on, just in my jammies with a throw, and curled up on the couch in the front living room next to the big picture window, and watching it rain, and the A/C is all cool, and I love this kinda day. (Only when I'm off from work tho.) SO~ next weekend is my b-day, and I asked for Sat.,Sun.,Mon. off. I hope I can get to my mom's one of those days. I would like to see her. It would be my b-day present to myself. I miss her so much,...and I know it's only an hour away, but working the hours that I do, it's just kinda hard to get there. I do call her almost everyday tho. I miss having family around. That's what I loved so much when my dad was alive. Everyone always came to our house, big,long dinners, great food, lotsa fun,playing pool, sitting in our family room that was all windows and so beautiful. I loved that time of my life,....I didn't know it then, but I always had fun. My parents were the most easy-going, UN-judgemental people I have ever known. I used to be like that, but of course, NOT ANYMORE. No where near like that. I don't think you can survive in this day and age without putting up a wall to keep yourself safe at least. Sad to say, but I really believe that's true. How sad. I remember our Saturday and Sunday dinners would always last late in the night. My parents could sit at the table all night just talking, laughing, and having great food,conversation, coffee, and after dinner drinks. There would always be laughing, and telling great stories, -even as a kid, I could sit at the dining room table with all the grown-ups and listen to everyone talking and laughing for hours on end. That's why I would love to live up in Ga. near my oldest brother,....their family is alot like how we were when we were kids. Always together, laughing, talking, and having great dinners, and cookouts. They are all each others best friends,(like it should be.) Yeah, I miss that alot. But it will never like that again,....not on my side. We don't have kids, we can't even go anywhere really,.....but like I said before,-the end is in sight. By March of next year, all our legal problems should be over and done with. (Big sigh.) Now THAT makes me happy.

Explain me to myself please

Okay,....so could someone please explain something about me that I don't understand? Why is it that when I see someone with some namebrand designer thing, it becomes more desireable and makes me have to have it that much more?! Because I can't begin to understand it myself. I just don't. What is the deal with me? Can someone tell ME, because I feel left out and don't understand. Or is that it? Do I feel left out? Someone please give me an outside opinion. I need a non-knowing, non-judgemental person to explain it to me. It just makes me have to have something like right then and there. I just don't get it. I'm so confused with myself. I know right now is NOT the time for self examination,...that's for sure. Not how things are with me in my life right now,...but I can't seem to explain where I get these urges to just have to have something no matter what. Michael Kors, Prada, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, YSL, Jimmy Choo,........shall I go on? I just have to own it myself,....not borrow, not rent,...I have to OWN it, and then I love it for a little while, and in the closet it goes. Does any of this make sense? Has anyone heard of this? What is up with me? I'm feeling very far away,......very outside of myself looking in, and I'm totally confused. I am. So that's why I just bought my second Fendi bag, a Gucci, and now a Michael Kors wallet to go with the bag I bought last month. Help! I need some interpeting(?). Any. Some opinions please. I'm starting to panick even more about myself. Any opinions would be welcome. What does it sound like to you?

Please take me away

Well, I have to work clear thru 4th of July. Then there is the big BUT,~ next weekend is my birthday and I asked for Sat., Sun. and Mon. off. I hope I get it,....and THEN I just found out last night that maybe we will be taking a ten day trip up to Ipswich,(Mass.). I will be ecstatic if we get to go. I have to see if I get it off from wk. first tho. I'm trying to act like it doesn't matter, but I'm holding my breath waiting to see if they say I can take the vacation time. Apparently two other people are taking vacations on part of the dates that I asked for off, and we "can't have three people on vacation at once." I mean REALLY??? Are you kidding me?! What else does someone want to throw at me? I really NEED this vacation. I NEED it,~DO YOU HEAR ME? ~I NEED IT GOD DAMN IT! NEED,NEED,NEED. Drive up there,......spend time with my SIL and husband,.....eat some great food; fried Ipswich clams at the Clam Box,Ipswich steamers at Woodmans,anything at Choate Bridge Pub,.....go to Boston and eat,shop, and just sightsee. How fun would that be? It would be so nice, and relaxing, and..............PERFECT. Just what we need. Anyways-I can't make myself crazy thinking about it,....I'll just have to wait-n-see,-that's all. Nothing else new here tho. Actually I CAN'T stop thinking about it. I can't, I HAVE to go on that vacation. I just have to,.......