Every little bit helps

Had ANOTHER problem with our A/C today. How nice. I went to work practically dripping wet with sweat. Disgusting. I was hating life. Yep. All fixed,(so far,) when I came home. (Thank the good Lord!!!) I was going to float in the pool to cool off if it wasn't fixed when I got home. I'm lucky we have a pool. Oh, and last night I found out that my FAVORITE singer(Jamey Johnson) will be at Mizner Park in Boca Raton on Oct. 30th. I am SO EXCITED to go,-I can't wait. He is so awesome live. What a voice, what a band, what a hottie. I love his music, it's so old-style, real country music. None of this crap that's out and way too commercial. I love Toby Keith, but besides his looks and great little hooks and sayings in his songs, I really crave to hear a real country song from him. Jamey Johnson is the real deal, the real thing. One listen to 'In Color' or even 'That Lonesome Song' and you will know what I mean. He can sing, he can write, he can do it all, not to mention he is crazy-hot-looking. So yeah, I can't wait! CAN'T WAIT. So I have some stuff to look foward to. Hey,-it helps, ya know? Anything helps when you're in my situation. Looking foward to this concert, to our family reunion in October, looking foward to getting this Fendi Spy bag,....yea,...every little thing helps. Small steps. BABY STEPS. Any little thing.

Just gotta say oh well

I'm feeling a bit used, and abused, after that Facebook incident. (Sorry about that last post, I guess I had to vent.) I'm over it tho. I'm sitting here watching Zombieland, (which I love,) and watching my kittehs (happily) play tag running thru the house. The are so the little loves of my life. I truly could watch them all day, and not be bothered with anything else. I have been duelling (two 'L's'?) with my bank and Paypal account thru eBay for the last three months. My bank account has been hacked into three times, I even closed the account and opened new ones with different passwords, etc. and now THAT'S been hacked into. I'm kinda at my wit's end trying to figure out what else I can do. My bank has been no help. Just enough to decline every attempt of ME trying to get my own money outta my own bank account. It's aggravating and just plain frustrating. It's hard to deal. SO!~ I just tried to pay for a really great deal on eBay that I found, on a Fendi Spy bag, that I've been hunting down for I-don't-know-how-long-now, and I went ahead and bought-it-now, and my Paypal account won't let the payment go thru! Now I'm going to get negative feedback, and I'm NOT happy about it. (I have 100% feedback.) I mean, I emailed the seller and tried to explain, and I hope she understands, but I don't blame her if she doesn't. Aggravating,-that's all I gotta say. Oh,-and frustrating. I know I'll be okay, but still mad about it.

Turns on ya one day

Remember how I told ya that I've been on Facebook lately and found a bunch of jr.high/high school friends on there? You ever notice how something that really starts out and/or seems so great turns on you? I mean really. My father worked with someone who's daughter went to school with me that I became friends with and felt obligated no matter what I thought of her and her actions, to be friends with. No matter what. Let me tell you, I disagreed with ALOT she had done, and alot of her actions,...but I really stayed a true friend to her,-no matter what anyone said. I honestly did. I even re-connected with her years later, and we caught up with emails, pictures, etc. Now-even later,- I found all our old gang on FB and 'friended' her, and she writes me this msg. today about how I never kept in touch, I never answered any questions she (supposedly) asked me, and how she doesn't consider me a friend. REALLY? I mean REALLY? I about giggled myself into an asthma attack reading this msg. on FB from her. Can someone really be this mentally misguided? I mean really? It scares me that people out there walk around among us that are this confused and believe in their misguided little world. I guess that's why partly this world is the way it is. Very scary to think about.VERY. OK,-she went out with a guy who I had a crush on all thru jr. high and high school,(this is my 'friend'.) She then went behind my back and after a fiance' and I split up after 7 YEARS, she secretly slept with him, and to this day, doesn't know that I know. Not to mention numerous other fiascos that two teenage/ twenty-something-yr.-old girls can get into. It wasn't pretty on her part,-trust me. And ya know what? I never judged,....................................................................................until now. I think back to then and how NON-judgemental I was at the time, but the things she did were just WRONG. Cheating on a great guy she had for a boyfriend that everyone wanted,....dating undesirable guys, NUMEROUS, undesireable guys, (if you know what I mean.) She ended up dating my first crush that had finally asked me out (years later,) and she got him to miss our date. THEN,....(I never brought it up,-I pretended like it didn't happen to stay friends,).......we both ended up going after the same guy (again,) and he picked me! Surprise, surprise.We ended up dating and eventually getting engaged,...and after 7 years things just didn't work out. (He wanted children and thought he could change my mind, and I knew I didn't,-end of story.) So, and that's a big SO~ after we split up she (pretended) to still be my friend while all along she was going after the guy I just split up with. (Yes,-she ended up sleeping with him.) Whatever. I got over that eventually too after meeting my now husband, and she even tried to get too friendly with him, (he told me,) and NOW after all that, she wrote me a note on FB ,saying how thru everything, she doesn't consider me a friend, and that I never kept in touch w/ her with emails, etc. REALLY? I've kept in touch with a few of our other friends, why and how not her? (I did tho.) I'm just really trying to figure out the little world that this girl/woman lives in. It's actually pretty scary when I think about it. And she has a kid too, (which REALLY scares me to think how she has raised him, and his values.) I KNOW that there are two sides to every story, but in jr.high/high school I was very straight and narrow. I didn't go out with any guy until I was 16, and even then it ended up being a 2 year relationship. She on the other hand went out with and slept with every guy she could get her hands on from jr.high on. I became friends with my first crush's older brother,(JUST FRIENDS mind you,) and he told me that all the guys knew how 'easy' she was and that's why they all tried to go out with her. HE told me that. I STILL stood up for her. Every guy I ever went out with never wanted me near her, or associating with her. (Probably too because they all did/or tried to sleep with her and didn't want me to find out. EXCEPT my now-husband.) But is that really a friend? I mean, I tried to always stick up for her,.....and now,.....NOW she says all that stuff in this note. I'm just freaking out at how unbelievable this whole girl's attitude towards me is. I really am. I'm so blindsided I can't even believe it, but for once I'm not going to let it slide or go by me. I wrote her a little note saying how I have no idea what in the world she is talking about, and that if she doesn't want to 'friend' me on FB than that's her perogative, and that we are adults now and there is no reason to be like this. I mean really now. I honestly have NO IDEA what this girl is talking about. I have been too involved with our little legal-ridden-horror-story of a life going on right now. Honest. Ya'll have heard me on here. I have no contact with anyone,....ANYONE for the last three years or more. NONE. Not even people that really are my friends. I just don't know how to take it. I'm too aggravated. I am, and I shouldn't be,....but I can't help it. Maybe I'm being immature,- I don't know. I just don't know.

Just tell me WHY

Getting our A/C fixed as I write this. So glad,...we have had record breaking heat here in South Florida, and I'm sure alot of people are having A/C problems,...SO,....I'm glad we're getting it done NOW. I've been on Facebook alot lately and have found ALOT of classmates and friends from so many years ago. It's fun catching-up and seeing how everyone turned-out and what they look like. Isn't it funny? Way back when, I thought I'd never be 45 yrs.old. Boy-oh-boy,.....that day comes faster than people imagine. Crazy,-huh? I found my first crush,...him and his older brother ended being very good friends of mine and we always kept in touch, up until I was about 35, and then all of a sudden, - I couldn't find any info. or fowarded address' for them. I figured if they stopped keeping in touch, then I didn't want to bother them. So now, I just found them on FB and I guess I'll see if they want to say 'hi'. I feel like a such a slob the way I look right now. I only have pictures on FB from when my hubby and I got married in 2006. I still looked OK then, but NOW, I feel like a hag. If I had to see anyone NOW, I wouldn't do it. I look so awful, and really,.....I have aged from this whole legal situation about 20 years. I have to start taking care of myself again. I'm just too tired to do it right now. I feel exhausted all the time. It's depression. I know it. Oh well. Enough with that! I've been watching this tropical depression on the news. It looks like it's going to hit the Keys, (which is bad news for my mom.) I called her this morning, but got no answer, so I'm hoping she'll get in touch sometime today, to tell me if they are going to have to evacuate, and where they will be staying. THATS one of reasons I'm glad I don't live there. I came so close to moving down there when my dad was alive, and they moved to Key Largo. I about imploded when they told me. A whole hour away!? I couldn't handle it. But it all turned out good. My dad got a good 7 months down there before everything happened and he passed less than a year later. At least he got to do what he always wanted. Live in the Keys on the water. He LOVED it. I remember going for bike rides with him after dinner, and we would look at all the houses in their neighborhood. We had fun, and that's what counted, and I have to remember. Because I'm still bitter and angry about his death 16 YEARS LATER. Still not over him being gone. I never will be. Heck~it took me 7 years to wear a cross again. I stopped going to church,-I was just too angry that God could take my dad away from me and my family like that. It about killed me, not to mention what my mother went thru. I will forever be angry about that. And yes, I know, it happens every second to someone,....but why? Why does ANYONE have to suffer? Why? I just don't get it, and I hate how it's so unfair to people. WHY?

Being thankful

Came home from CVS last night after work, aggravated to the hilt! (As you read.) Relaxed once I got home, and saw Munky and Sugar,....we played, fed them, let Sugar out, and sat down with my magazines, and computer. Hubby was out playing poker til about 2am. Sat here, and totally went into my little happy world when my husband got home. We talked all night. Literally. We had one of those rare, fun nights where we sat here and laughed, and talked and played with the kittehs,watched TV, and by the time 8am rolled around, we made eggs,bacon and toast. We had so much fun. We planned on even going in the pool, but it started to thunder and lightening out, and before we knew it, it was pouring. How cool was that? We went to sleep with the kittehs all pooped-out from running around and playing, and us all getting in bed, and going to sleep to the sound of it storming out. I absolutely loved it. I haven't been happy like that in a very long time. I got up around 1pm,-just couldn't sleep. I hate that I have to go to work tomorrow. I'm already worrying. Why can't everyone just NOT have to work? Why? Time is so precious, and people have no idea what a commodity it is until it's too late. Until they don't have it. I hate how unfair life is to people. To everything. I don't understand it. How do people still have faith, still have religion, still believe? I have such a hard time. I really do,....I'm so thankful for our lives, the little moments like last night. The times like last night used to be alot more frequent, but it's been hard, and it has to be spontaneous. You can't plan something like that. It made me restore my little bit of happiness that we lost over the last few legal-ridden horror story years that has been our life. Next April can't come quick enough. Trust me,-NOT. FAST. ENOUGH. I just always have that doomed feeling that time will run out. I need to snap outta feeling like that. It gets depressing. I really have to go see a psychiatrist, I'm too up-n-down, too many peaks, too many lows. I have to just let it be. That's it. Just be.

Put that cellphone where the sun don't shine

Got off work today and went to CVS and had to stand in line behind some dimwit who very obviously didn't know how to use a debit/credit card machine!!! I wanted to kill! Can these people just slow down enough to READ what it is asking you?, and not just jab your damn finger at the machine and push every button!???! I wanted to fling his card, and freakin' do it myself just to get him away from me, and outta the line. Are we really THAT busy?, THAT stupid?, THAT in a hurry? How important do you think you are to sit on your cellphone, hold up the line, AND do your debit FOUR freakin' times because you can't pay enough attention to what you are reading/doing? BECAUSE you're on your DAMN PHONE!!! OMG! Please. What an idiot I wanted to yell at him. It really was infuriating. I was so close to losing my temper. So close, (not that that is such a big deal, but C'MON.) REALLY? It's no wonder I have no patience with stupid people like this. How do they live this long without someone beating them to death from their sheer stupidity and lack of awareness around them? I would love to be some big, huge, muscleman for 24 hours, and smack the tar outta these people just to teach them a lesson. Aggravates the living piss outta me. (SORRY for the language.) Sometimes I just can't deal, ya know? Then there is the person speaking loud enough on their cell that you can hear their entire (stupid, boring,) conversation. Do I really wanna hear this? Do I really wanna hear you? I couldn't care any less, believe me. I don't even wanna hear my own conversations half the time on the phone,....why would I wanna hear your's?! WHY?! I HATE ALL PHONES.I HATE them and the people who are obnoxious on them. All of you guys. THINK, before going in public, just sit in your damn car and talk. I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOU, do you got it?! DON'T. WANT. TO. HEAR. YOU. AT. ALL. JUST ZIP IT!


Thank you.

Nothing new

Okay,-so my b-day went by uneventful,-which I like. Very low-key and quiet. Back to work and hoping that our vacation will be on for next month. Massachusetts here we come! (At least I'm hoping so. We will see.) It seems like time is going by fast and slow at the same time for me. I just feel so bored tho. And angry. And frustrated. And hag-ish. (I'm 45 now,...officially hag time.) I never thought at this point in my life I would be like I am right now. At least we're not broke, and at least we are still happy in our marriage, which in this day and age, is alot. This past January it was 18 years we've been together now. Like I tell him all the time,...."there is no divorce in my vocabulary",........NONE. I will not have it. I got married to him and that's all there ever will be. Not again, and no one ever else, - I can tell ya that's the truth. I've never felt I belonged with someone so much in my life as I do with my hubby. He is just the kittehs meow. (And apparently to alot of other women too. Everywhere we go, he gets hit on by young and old! It's very cute to see. He gets so embarassed.) Last time we went to a Toby Keith concert, there was a row of about 6 women/girls behind us, and they were drinking (probably alot,) and they kept really hitting on my husband with me right there! And they even went as far as grabbing his butt. He didn't know what to do! (Now he knows how women feel when men get too grabby-touchy with us.) I laughed it off, but he was starting to get mad. They just thought he was the hottest thing. Too funny. Hey! I can't get mad,-they just think what I think about him, and if he's hot, he's hot, and I certainly think he is, so there is my rationale. So,....haven't been on eBay because someone hacked into my bank account for the third time in less than 17 months. This is getting ridiculous. (And I'm jones-ing for eBay bids as I write.) I'll just have to suffer. I'll catch up with ya soon.

Weird night/Great bag

I can't sleep, and I've been up for hours already. Thank goodness I don't have to go to work today. The kittehs were up at all hours playing tag and running absolutely everything over in there path. Very cute, but not condusive to sleeping. (Was it a full moon last night?) Sugar is outside now, and Munky is passed-out next to me,(so precious,) and my husband is sound asleep, happily snoring away in bed,-like I should be! Oh well,....it's all good. I've started doing cardio last week and have been doing it everyday since. I haven't felt any energy yet, but I know that it will take a few weeks for that to kick in. Hopefully I can get some things around here accomplished finally. I also have to wait til this week now til we find out if the P.O. for my husband will let him go on vacation up to Mass. I'm so keeping my fingers crossed, but I won't get my hopes up too much. I can't. Like I always say,....hope for the best, and expect the worst,...you'll never be disappointed that way. I do have a plan B if we can't go,.....I will still take the time I asked for off from work, but I will clean up this house finally and get it all organized at the very least. So,-like I said,....hope for the best,.....yup. What else is new? Ummm,....I've gotten some more stuff on eBay, some unbelieveable deals. I mean really. I got a $498 Michael Kors bag for $230,....and yeah, it's authentic. (I brought it to the MK store in Boca,...and they said it was authentic,-so I'm happy.) I also got a Gucci bag for about the same price, and I'm waiting to hear back from the lady at Gucci in Saks Fifth Avenue there. So I'll see. I tell ya,...if you have the patience, there are definitely deals to be had on there. Really. (And you have to do some research, and know what you are looking for,) but really, where can you get those kind of deals for that kinda stuff?! I love it. What else, what else? Nothing really I guess. Maybe I should try to get some sleep and unwind now that the kittehs have stopped running. Maybe I should run up to Einsteins and get some iced coffee and hangout and people watch. I'll keep ya posted!!!

Just thinking out loud

So I got thru the 4th of July weekend at work, and now I'm off for two days. Nice. I live for my days off, (as does I'm sure everyone does.) I was going to plan an early morning at my SIL(sister-in-law), but it was rainy and dark, and I called her and let her know I wasn't coming. It's too nice ,I want to just stay in and lay around. My hubby is still sleeping,(4:34pm.) He was playing poker all night. So I got up around 1pm and just been sitting here with the kitteh on the laptop. No TV, no lights on, just in my jammies with a throw, and curled up on the couch in the front living room next to the big picture window, and watching it rain, and the A/C is all cool, and I love this kinda day. (Only when I'm off from work tho.) SO~ next weekend is my b-day, and I asked for Sat.,Sun.,Mon. off. I hope I can get to my mom's one of those days. I would like to see her. It would be my b-day present to myself. I miss her so much,...and I know it's only an hour away, but working the hours that I do, it's just kinda hard to get there. I do call her almost everyday tho. I miss having family around. That's what I loved so much when my dad was alive. Everyone always came to our house, big,long dinners, great food, lotsa fun,playing pool, sitting in our family room that was all windows and so beautiful. I loved that time of my life,....I didn't know it then, but I always had fun. My parents were the most easy-going, UN-judgemental people I have ever known. I used to be like that, but of course, NOT ANYMORE. No where near like that. I don't think you can survive in this day and age without putting up a wall to keep yourself safe at least. Sad to say, but I really believe that's true. How sad. I remember our Saturday and Sunday dinners would always last late in the night. My parents could sit at the table all night just talking, laughing, and having great food,conversation, coffee, and after dinner drinks. There would always be laughing, and telling great stories, -even as a kid, I could sit at the dining room table with all the grown-ups and listen to everyone talking and laughing for hours on end. That's why I would love to live up in Ga. near my oldest brother,....their family is alot like how we were when we were kids. Always together, laughing, talking, and having great dinners, and cookouts. They are all each others best friends,(like it should be.) Yeah, I miss that alot. But it will never like that again,....not on my side. We don't have kids, we can't even go anywhere really,.....but like I said before,-the end is in sight. By March of next year, all our legal problems should be over and done with. (Big sigh.) Now THAT makes me happy.

Explain me to myself please

Okay,....so could someone please explain something about me that I don't understand? Why is it that when I see someone with some namebrand designer thing, it becomes more desireable and makes me have to have it that much more?! Because I can't begin to understand it myself. I just don't. What is the deal with me? Can someone tell ME, because I feel left out and don't understand. Or is that it? Do I feel left out? Someone please give me an outside opinion. I need a non-knowing, non-judgemental person to explain it to me. It just makes me have to have something like right then and there. I just don't get it. I'm so confused with myself. I know right now is NOT the time for self examination,...that's for sure. Not how things are with me in my life right now,...but I can't seem to explain where I get these urges to just have to have something no matter what. Michael Kors, Prada, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, YSL, Jimmy Choo,........shall I go on? I just have to own it myself,....not borrow, not rent,...I have to OWN it, and then I love it for a little while, and in the closet it goes. Does any of this make sense? Has anyone heard of this? What is up with me? I'm feeling very far away,......very outside of myself looking in, and I'm totally confused. I am. So that's why I just bought my second Fendi bag, a Gucci, and now a Michael Kors wallet to go with the bag I bought last month. Help! I need some interpeting(?). Any. Some opinions please. I'm starting to panick even more about myself. Any opinions would be welcome. What does it sound like to you?

Please take me away

Well, I have to work clear thru 4th of July. Then there is the big BUT,~ next weekend is my birthday and I asked for Sat., Sun. and Mon. off. I hope I get it,....and THEN I just found out last night that maybe we will be taking a ten day trip up to Ipswich,(Mass.). I will be ecstatic if we get to go. I have to see if I get it off from wk. first tho. I'm trying to act like it doesn't matter, but I'm holding my breath waiting to see if they say I can take the vacation time. Apparently two other people are taking vacations on part of the dates that I asked for off, and we "can't have three people on vacation at once." I mean REALLY??? Are you kidding me?! What else does someone want to throw at me? I really NEED this vacation. I NEED it,~DO YOU HEAR ME? ~I NEED IT GOD DAMN IT! NEED,NEED,NEED. Drive up there,......spend time with my SIL and husband,.....eat some great food; fried Ipswich clams at the Clam Box,Ipswich steamers at Woodmans,anything at Choate Bridge Pub,.....go to Boston and eat,shop, and just sightsee. How fun would that be? It would be so nice, and relaxing, and..............PERFECT. Just what we need. Anyways-I can't make myself crazy thinking about it,....I'll just have to wait-n-see,-that's all. Nothing else new here tho. Actually I CAN'T stop thinking about it. I can't, I HAVE to go on that vacation. I just have to,.......