Tuesday, January 31, 2012

One step closer

My husband is at our condo, getting rid of all the furniture there as I write this. I hope it looks as good as I remember it, being all freshly painted and new carpet put in. I remember the first time we walked into that place, and I said,'this is it,' I knew immediately that was what we were looking for. I thought that would be the last place we'd ever live. I really did. Boy-was I ever wrong! Not even close, and here we are 14 years later, putting our dream place,(supposedly) up for sale. We will get another place on the beach. Just NOT in a high rise building. I can't take it. Too stuffy, and I hate not being able to walk outside whenever I want to without going down the long hall, get in the elevator, go out numerous doors, and down to the garage, or out back where the pool is and beach,....it's just not what we want anymore, we outgrew it I guess. (Or realized we will sacrifice other things for a yard, etc.) Anyways~ not trying to sound like a brat, but unless you've lived in a highrise, it's kinda hard to understand I guess. It takes 20 mins. alone just to go out and get down to your car practically. That drives me crazy. I loved the house we were in until everything happened here. Now it's just full of nightmare memories, and horrible feelings that have changed us both for the worst. (And I know I'll never be the same again,-ever, from the mishap of this nightmare of a place. NEVER. My doctor has told me that I'm a changed person whether I want to face it or not,...I am. Not for the better either.) I startle so easily now, I'm a nervous wreck all of the time, I hate walking out of our house always, thinking cops will be out there surrounding us again,....even in our backyard I feel like we are under a microscope. I'm just not comfortable here, and I'm aloud to be like that from our experience, and she says it's very understandable and expected. Both my husband and I show every symptom from post traumatic disorders. It's horrible and this is 4 years after the fact. The best thing we will ever do in our lives is to move from here, and today, getting our condo in order, and ready to be put on the market TODAY is one step closer. I'm smiling big today, (it also helps that I'm off from work too.) Happy me.

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