Saturday, May 2, 2009

I think I'm going to scream. I can only take so much from people and I feel like I'm at my wit's end. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. Thank god, I came home from a very long day at work, and after a few nights, (and days) of not getting along, husband went and played some poker with his friend for a few hours. Giving me some much needed 'alone time'. I played w/ Sugar for a little while,....and then I watched some TV, and now here I am. I miss writing on here every day. It helps me so much. I don't have any contact w/ any of my friends anymore,....I miss going out w/ my girlfriends like we all used to,(Sex and the City style.) Getting dressed in normal dress clothes and heels, nice bags, make-up, etc. I feel good when I'm like that. Dressing for work is nothing like dressing for going out. I just miss feeling good about myself. I haven't in way too long. I haven't worked-out in ten months. I just can't seem to care enough. I even stopped getting pedicures. (OMG!Ewwwwwww.) Tomorrow my husband and I are going down to my mom's and spending the day. My brother and his wife are down from Georgia and we are all getting together for dinner. I don't have a pedicure, my roots are showing, and I'm a good 20 to 30 pounds heavier than I have ever been in my life. I feel so totally disgusting. But every day I get up and I don't care enough to do anything about it. So how do I get out of this funk? How do people survive these damn bad situations hanging over their heads? Our neighbor across the street from us I really admire. She is not perfect by far, and she has had some horrible, horrible things in her life happen, and she still seems to get up every day and put a smile on for the world. And let me tell you,'s no picnic for her. Her husband committed suicide in their house leaving her w/ four children, a failing business, and a house to take care of alone, child is mentally handicapped and will have to be taken care of the rest of his life, and her mother just passed away two months ago. Now how do you like that for a kick in the teeth? I try to make myself think about how NOT BAD I have it, and to be thankful for all the awesome things in my life, like; my husband who really is the love of my life, my kitty, who really is the only one my husband has to be jealous of, because he is a close second to him, in the love's of my life department,....our health, this beautiful house, our great friends,(who are our next-door-neighbors,) my job, and the financial stability we have, (that I know many people don't right now,) family, my sister-in-law, and lotsa other things I'm sure I'm forgetting,......but I just can't seem to get myself up and outta my own way,..........I just don't know what to do about it. I want to be a little kid again,....or a kitty, and be adored and loved for the slightest little thing,.....and look cute no matter what I'm doing, and being able to nap whenever, wherever I wanted. That just sounds so happy to me. Am I crazy? or just being irrational? I don't know anymore,.....I just don't.

1 comment:

merelyme said...

Alone time is so special and necessary. Sounds like you have been too busy to have it. When you get it, you use it to re-coop instead of for taking care of you!
Get someone to cover for you at work and take a mental health day. Do your hair, your nails, take care of you.
Remember, you are worth it.