Sometimes things feel like they are happening to someone else. Sometimes you change, and you know it, or don't know it,....but all this happening to my step-dad, and my mom, has changed me and I know it. For the better tho. I am starting to realize things, and come out of my depression a little bit. Life is to live,.....and I'm trying. If I could only get my husband to realize the same thing now. We have to get out of this house. We have to. And no big changes will happen as long as we are living here. We have to move on,....it's killing us the longer we stay here. It's draining the very life out of us. I see that now. Every time I open that damn front door, I picture the SWAT team on the other side. I re-live them tearing this house apart as we sat here watching and being unable to do anything about it. I picture my poor scared Sugar running from room to room not knowing what to do,...(that alone makes me cry thinking about it, and hate those damn pigs for not letting me calm him, or let him outside. He was so scared. I HATE them forever for that.) I just know every day I remember and re-hash things in my head thinking it will change something. I know better but I keep doing it. Next week, going to the dr. will help me a lot again. I have to start again somewhere. And I've been doing cardio a half hour a day since I've gotten home from my sister's. I'm trying so hard to pull myself up and out of this depression, I'm not sure I would ever see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am now,.....I think. I hope it stays with me,.....and I'm still waiting on that confirmation letter, and that will totally end all the bad on that part,.....right along with today's funeral that's already over. It's all almost over.