Make it count

Well, I'm still here. I'm working like crazy,....and I feel like I'm falling apart, AND getting myself together at the same time. Weird, or what? I'm getting up earlier everyday, and I'm doing cardio,...(hey,-it's a start, right?) I really want to move outta this house, and this area. I don't know how to start that discussion without causing an outright fight with my husband. I'm just really unhappy here. And paranoid,.....and unhappy. And that's all I'm gonna say about it all. I have to start getting him to think he's getting the house ready for us to move. And I wanna puppy/dog. So bad. So,....so,....SO bad. I keep seeing all these horrific things everywhere in the online newspaper about people doing horrifying things to animals, and maybe if I can help just one of those peanuts, I'd be a little happier, and happier with myself even. Just a little. Besides, I'm great with doggies (goggies.) I'll keep trying to convince the big man, and see what he says. Eventually I'll get my way,.....
Haven't shopped in awhile, and I'm itching to get these shoes I saw on Nordstroms(website),....I might just have to get them. It's funny,....my taste is changing so much, I see it flashing before my eyes. I'm actually starting to look at shoes, and hoping they are comfortable, and not just looking good. That's all I used to care about,....I didn't care how bad they hurt, they just had to look good, - period. For real, I didn't care whatsoever. Now~ they better look good AND feel good all in one. Must. Be. Comfortable. Now. (I really am getting old,-aren't I? ) This is all part of it,....and there is no going back. I'm really starting to realize things in my life, like I'm going to have another chance or something,......I dunno',.....sometimes I wonder if it's all cracked up to what it's suppose to be. All the good stuff seems to go by and you don't even realize that it's the good stuff til it's already over. I mean,-am I right? That's really how I feel. What's that saying?- "This isn't a dress rehearsal, so make it count".

Just venting some more

I'm working like an animal, and I'm counting the seconds to my next day off. Tomorrow night at 9pm, I will be off until Tues. afternoon. Yay me. AND I actually called the cops on someone at work Thursday night because she came in to order some wine, and we didn't have it, and she began to yell, scream and curse at me and the other person I was working with. Ya know what? That's not how you get someone to help you find the wine you're looking for,(you stupid, ignorant, bitch.) She came back in THREE times,(to yell, curse, and scream some more at us,) and I had already called the police, but by the time they got there she was already gone. Is life that bad, that you go off on someone because we ran out of the wine you want, at that very second of the day? Really? REALLY? And the dumbass cops took two seconds to get 6 cop cars at our house when they thought we were dealing drugs from our home(and proceeded to dismantle our home, and life in 5 more minutes flat!,).....but nnnoooooooooo,......at least 5 mins. to get to my work place,....you pigs. Yes, I still have some anger issues, I know, and believe it or not, I am working on them, but when things like this happen, I just get so angry, I want to scream, and hit someone,(preferably whoever it is that's being the ass*&^%.) So yes, this week was not a fun one at work. I hate my life, and job, and the only thing getting me thru is my kittehs, husband, and family. I HATE South Florida to high hell. The people get rude-er by the second, and I'm NOT JOKING. I've seen it all, and let me tell ya, it's NOT pretty, I don't give a rats ass how nice the weather seems to be to some. I came home after that day, and just crawled into bed after taking Munky for a nice hour and a half walk, (nice quiet time, just us two,) and my husband made me some dinner, and I went in and crawled into bed. That is the only way to end a day like that. I didn't argue, or fight with my husband, or even with anyone at all,....just tried to forget it, but before that I think my blood pressure shot thru my head, and stressed me out to no end. I was so clenched and tight, I hadn't even realized it until I sat down in the grass outside with Munky and took a deep breath. For almost 6 hours, I must've been like that,....and right now I'm paying for it, because my shoulder is in pain again, and I know it's from that. (That stupid bitch from Thurs. night.) God help her if I ever run into her outside of work, that's all I gotta say.

Yes, No. Maybe.

Sometimes all is right in the world, and sometimes you just feel like something needs to be done. At least that's how I feel. My mom is settled already,......all my siblings are doing good, the friends I do have are all good, and our legal fiasco is over,...so life feels almost right, right now. You ever have those 'things' that you just feel like you need to do in your own universe? Whatever it may be? I have some unresolved issues I need to let an ex know about, for me to feel like things are right. I mean I just need to let him know that things that happened were NOT all his fault. This may sound dramatic, but I couldn't 'live with myself' if I didn't let him know that things were just not all his fault. I have NO FEELINGS for him, I don't want any future contact with him, I don't want any thing at all from him, but just to know that HE knows that I realize things weren't all his fault, and he's not a bad person. That is all. Literally. For real. That is it. I LOVE my husband, and could NOT imagine my life without him. Ever. I just couldn't. I know I'm right where I want to be. This is the only thing thats bugging me tho. I just feel like I have to do this, and still somehow, I feel like if I told my husband, he'd be hurt or feeling betrayed in some way. I just know that I don't feel right if I don't do it, so I think I will. I think. I don't know. I keep going back-n-forth. I dunno'. Oh,........whatever.